Monday, 30 August 2010

Loving Madly

Mad love

Hello, I'm back..

First things first - i've been absent and i apologise for this. Just had so much on. Namely keeping my head above water. Maybe I'm trying to do too much - writing this, writing that, pondering, scratching my brown bum, smoking too many Lucky Strike, rolling around naked with Blue and drinking way more coffee than is healthy. It all takes energy and time, especially if you're like me - put all your oomph into whatever you do.

The thing is I don't wanna slow down so maybe I should just shut the hell up and get on with it. Complaining does not an Empire build.

Ok, justifications over. Now on the serious stuff, my loves. My hair extensions are gone. Breathe. I now have short(ish) hair. I actually really it. I've made it darker and got it straight (when I can be shagged to work those straighteners) which isn't my favourite thing to do being a bit of a hippy at heart,but I like to think my current style is a little 'rock-chick-esque'.
I've got rid of the extensions so I can give my natural hair a fair chance to grow and become healthier, and with extensions there was no chance of this happening. I thought I'd feel naked without my hair - and It's all OK. I still feel like a Queen, cos that's about attitude not hair, right! I guess I have more vital issues running round my mind at the moment than worrying about not having some poverty stricken woman's hair from a developing country attached onto my head.

I've recently taken a week off work and i've just come back from a few days writing in Yorkshire where I've been hauled up in a tiny room, gasping for air because I was smoking like a BBQ. Hey ho ... got loads done but not enough. It's never enough. I'm always giving myself a hard time about the amount of work I'm doing. 6-8 hours a day doesn't seem to appease the perfectionist in me. Humph.. a girl's gotta have a break tho, right?

Yeah sir ree
- and here comes the bit you've been waiting for... Blue.

Blue and I are 'spending time' with each other again.

I don't want to say too much - but whatever it was that we had before, we still have it. And more than likely the same issues that we had before we will continue to have - but time will tell. One major change is that he's finally moved into his own place.

The connection and interest in each other has not diminished at all, in fact there is an added va va voom if that was ever possible, for no obvious reason. This is mainly coming from my side. And I think it's to do with me being a little more relaxed about the whole thing.

I went to his place on friday and cooked him loadsa different stuff for his freezer. Bolognaise, a Moroccan chicken dish, rice, lamb casserole, another chicken dish... Of course I did this while dress in a tiny lace slip that clung onto my round little tush and hoisted up my hefty cleavage. And if you believe that my friends ....

Well, I could have done i suppose. But not on that day. He's on a 'bulking up' eating thing at the moment and I thought since he rarely cooks - I'd get some food made for him so he can eat without thinking too much about it.

OK - so now I've written this post I shall endeavour to write more frequently again. Got off the horse there for a while - clearly too busy riding Blue, sorry, but back to blog writing again.

it's good to be back. Yee ha! I know, I know, cheestastic! please forgive me.

Saturday, 21 August 2010

Sorry ...

sorry for not writing a blog post recently... been really busy trying to get my second book done. I'll try to write very soon.

Thursday, 5 August 2010

This & That ...

Sares is here. My friend from Oop north is staying with me until Saturday. Yaay! Love it! I love having friends over and taking care of them. I like taking care of people - it seems to be a natural part of my personality; probably honed by the fact that there was just dad and I at home and I quickly learned how to nurture and care for another person.

With there just being two of us at home from an early age I did everything I could to please my dad. Asides from being trying to be helpful I wanted to do everything to make daddy happy so he wouldn't leave me. I only had him.

I've got the day off tomorrow so Sares and I are going to do some touristy London tings! Please God, don't let it rain - let the weather men be wrong.
We're gonna have a good old traipse about and maybe, just maybe we may indulge in a spot of shopping... Oh, and Sushi.

I'm feeling pretty good about things right now... balanced, chirpy and In Like.... with who? not sayin'! All I can say is I got nothing to complain about for today. I've booked a week off work in a couple of weeks and I'm trying to find a place to go abroad, alone, which isn't going to cost me the price of a small car.

So, as you may or may not know I was on Talk Radio Europe today. I think it went well... Listen to it if you can!

Ames, babes - you are missed! xx

Interview with Talk Radio Europe

My interview today with Maurice Boland on Talk Radio Europe.

fast forward about 12minutes into the program if you don't want to listen to the whole show.

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Today I had lunch with my ex-boy.

I'm feeling like a cheeky tinker. Up down, up, down, up, down.... that's my mood. Not my arse. I've been very up and down for the past few days.
Sooo, so amigos..... You need to know something. No, not that. You already know that I've got great boobs.. Nah, something else... I'm what?? full of myself ? how dare you! Nope. Not that - If you know me even a little, you'll know that I'm kidding with my 'great boobs ' statement. well, i am partially.

No, it's Blue... I want to tell you something about Blue. Blue, in case you haven't been reading this blog over the past few months is my ex-boyfriend. And if you want to know about him and our relationship just go to the blog page and start reading anything from before March 2010.
That's when we broke up. Via text. Childish and wholly inadequate for a love relationship. But both of us sulked painfully over the following months until about a week or so ago. We finally made contact. We spoke on the phone, and emailed, and spoke on the phone some more.

Today is Blue's birthday. He's just past his middle thirties. Bless'im... tehee.... so.... we met for lunch.
It is as though we have not had a day apart.
He's, well, he's the same guy I fell in love with. And as I said if you don't know how I felt about him and how we felt about each other before our infamous break-up, then check out my blog, Pre-March 2010, here :

So that was that. Lunch was verrry lovely. He's verrry lovely. And the thing that was causing us stress which lead to our ridiculous break-up, has been rectified. I knew it had been resolved long before we arranged to meet today. But after finishing the relationship there was a necessary cooling down period of approximately four months.
I made sure it was established that a definite change had taken place between us before re-booting; cos If it hadn't I wouldn't have met him today. I wouldn't have met him because if we met each other again, we'd more than likely want to be together and I knew this. And if nothing had changed then obviously the same stuff that tripped us up previously, would trip us up again.
I'll tell you more about this over the coming days.

Right now I'm taking a break from my feeble attempts at tidying up my flat in readiness for two of my girlfriends coming to stay with me from tomorrow night - saturday.
Woohoo! can't wait!! yaaay!! fun, fun!

Sunday, 1 August 2010

love, love, love, love...

Sometimes, after I've been around people or one person for a sustained amount of hours - after I have left and gone home alone, not only do I embrace the solitude I have grown accustomed to, but I also feel very much alone. Isolation kicks in, and I become acutely aware of the singularity of my existence.

Throughout my adult life I have wanted nearly more than anything - to share my present, hopes, ideas, and future plans, exclusively and wholly with one other person in an all-encompassing union with a man who cannot live without me and neither can I continue without him.
Some may say that this is unhealthy - I don't care - it is what my heart longs for; a love that will saturate every atom in our bodies.
A love that encapsulates all that it is to be human. A love that differences does not alter or quake. A love encased in tolerance, admiration, tenderness, passionate exchanges of ideas and shared aspirations; to be as good as we can be, individually and as a unit. And in part of that love, a physical drive to please one another that remains untainted by lustful desires elsewhere.

And more than anything, more than anything in this silly, wistful dream - I seek a love which is so certain there is no fear of ever being left.