Monday, 27 June 2011

copy and paste

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Tonight: Radio Show

I'm on BBC Radio 5live @ 9pm TONIGHT; discussing single fathers, with single fathers OBVIOUSLY from the child's perspective. I was brought up alone by my dad. I'm not actually a single father myself. Surprise surprise... :O)

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Model Citizen

From this day forth there will be no more mention of Mr 36 Hours. Forget him. Of course, if you're not on my facebook page you wont know what the hell I'm on about... not to worry 'cos there won't be any more mention of that interlude.
We've moved on! Thankfully, i have been blessed with fantastic powers of rejuvenation, so when i decide to jump ship I do it and accept the consequences. If indeed there are any. In this case, there won't be.

The Model - remember him? the Men's health cover boy. FIT. AS. HELL and a beautiful face. Yep, I'm shallow - and what? Well, he contacted me out of the blue yesterday. He's the guy I was with when i left my vibrator in the hotel room. Now, i know you remember that!! Oopsy. He's away at the moment for work and back soon which gives me just enough time to get my act together, send my book off, arrange a holiday and then do him, backwards, forwards, left, right, up, down, in, out shake it all about.

My kind of Sexy

a bit sexy.

Thursday, 16 June 2011

Bitching - in bullet points.

This note will most be compromised of me bitching, and some pet hates. Both being the same thing, i guess.

Just some minor observations which turn my stomach as I get on with the daily business of living in London…

■I cannot stand those stupid stainless steel mug things that people carry on the train with their morning coffee inside.You know the ones. The bearer thinks they're really fukin busy yet organised and cool holding it. Whenever I see one I want to snatch it out of the hand of the carrier and pour the liquid - if indeed there's any even in there - over their head and tell them to stop being so fucking silly.
■If I see another man with a tie around his neck that hasn’t been tied I’ll tell him to either get a grip; get on the set of American Psycho, or I'll throttle him with it. Whats the point? This is 2011, not 1980 for crying out loud. Hmmph.
■A frequently asked question: ‘ Clare were you an escort?’ er, no, mate I’ve just got that sub-heading on the cover of my book for fun. Thought it’d be a laugh to say something which has not an ounce of truth in it.
■Another frequently asked question: 'do you mind if i ask you ...' Well, you're about to ask me anyway so why the hesitence? Just ask me politely don't pre-empt your question with 'do you mind if i ask you...' whats the point in that? fucking ask me, whatever it is you want to know and if you've over stepped the line I'll tell you to go away and if you just want to know something as simple as do i regret any part of my past - then just say, that and I'll tell you that i do.
■This isn't a frequently asked question - I'm asking myself this... Why do i swear so much? er, because I fucking like it. It makes me very fucking happy.
■Finally, another pet ate from the underground. People who are reading then lick their finger to turn the page. One question… Must you? I mean, really?
Please. Stop. Ok???

That’s it. Rant over. Now I’m getting into the bath before I get into bed. And if you don’t’ like any of my comments – suck my tits :O)

Sunday, 5 June 2011

WARNING: pls read - toffee popcorn - CONNED

i feel totally disgruntled. I've been conned, mislead and taken for a ride. By who? By me. A few minutes ago I decided to get some toffee popcorn from my local shop. I rushed there excitedly knowing that this was going to be the finale to an other wise pleasant and restfull weekend. I arrived at the shop only to discover that the bastards don't have any. Instead, they have some very flashily packed ' sweet popcorn' which I've never seen before. I looked on the back cover and on the ingredients list there was no mention of toffee.

Hmm... 'Have you no toffee popcorn?' I asked the guy behind the till.

'That's all we have.' he said.

Right. I started to panic. I looked obsessively on the shelves and i still couldn't find my usual brand of popcorn so I bought this other one. I've rushed home, hoping at best it could be a poor imitation of the popcorn that i have become so devoted to, and at worst, some random sickly sweet offering that was sure to satiate my craving.
It is neither.
It's not even chuffing sweet. I'm very disappointed and feel totally duped. I've taken literally a palm full of the stuff to insert into my mouth at the same time to see if that makes it any more sweet. It doesn't. Now, my evening feels as though it will be a long and lonely one without the love I crave from my usual brand of popcorn. Things can only get better at least.

undercover lover

remember this? course you do...