Friday 30 September 2011

together in electric dreams :O)

We are now officially seeing each other. I'm smiling!

Yes, i was married to 2 men at the same time.

A Question:
'Right, reading your book, obviously you were in a dreadful place, men booze drugs etc, but what surprised be was how hurt, shocked and awful you felt about bigamy. Without trying to sound too judgemental about it, I really would have thought that was the last of your problems but it seemed to shake you to the core. So I suppose I thought, here is a lost soul a broken person (if you will) who has a soul and isn't broken, there is a value system that actually gives a shit. So my question is I would like to hear more about your values, I am just curious that after the surface what are the deep driver, because that’s what saved you... told you it was a curiosity thing... there CG x'



My Answer:

Bigamy was and still is to a degree a big issue for me. The reason being it was so irrational, it scares me to think that i did it. I did it to try and please two people I was involved with. Because to me, this symbolises my levels of insecurity i find it embarrassing.

The prostitution i understand - a means to an end - bigamy, well, that was just odd. I tried to help 2 people to get British visas – that’s what I convinced myself it was about. Of course there was no payment – I have never been mercenary. I cared for these people, but still. it was an absolutely ridiculous thing for me to do. It gives me the creeps still to think i did it. However, I totally accept it.

As I always say - i am my father's daughter. My father, although he has his own issues, is a good man with a strong sense of decency, fairness and socialism, in spite of him being awfully British! The thing is one can never quite rid oneself of the upbringing. I am reserved, quite conservative in many respects, and I’m a traditionalist with relevant values. Based on this the idea of marrying one man then another while still legally married to the first was stupid – and let’s face it – what would a real future husband think to this?

Well, I’ve spoken to him...(the banker)and as he hugged me he grinned and told me he’ll need to enquire around the country to just make sure I’m still not married to anyone else, before we go ahead.... :O)

Monday 5 September 2011

Civil Disobedience (30 second speach)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4khZNsudmA&feature=related

'There's a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart that you can't take part! You can't even passively take part!'

Mario Savio

Thursday 1 September 2011

like the sound, like the words, like the feeling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZyDiuzpHCg&feature=related

I'm stuck in this bed you made
Alone with a sinking feeling
I saw through the words you said

To the secrets you'd been keeping
It's written upon your face
All the lies how they cut so deeply
You can't get enough you take and take and take and never say

No, you gotta get it inside
You push it back down
You push it back down

No, you'll never get it inside
Push it back down
Blackout
Blood in your eye
You say that it's not your fault
And swear that I am mistaken

You said it's not what it seems
No remorse for the trust you're breaking
You run but then back you fall
Suffocate from the mess your making
You can't get enough you take and take and take and take
Fuck it, are you listening?


No, you gotta get it inside
You push it back down
You push it back down
No, you'll never get it inside
Push it back down
You push it back down

No, you gotta get it inside
You push it back down
You push it back down
No you'll never get it inside
Push it back down
Blackout
Blood in your eye

Floating down
As colors fill the light
We look up from the ground
In fields of paper-white
And floating up
You passed us in the night
A future gazing out

A past to overwrite
So come down
Far below
We've been waiting to collect the things you know
Come down
Far below
We've been waiting to collect what you've let go

Come down, oh
Come down, oh
Come down, oh
Come down, oh
Come down, oh