Friday, 26 November 2010

A recent interview

here a link to an interview I did 3 weeks ago...

Sunday, 21 November 2010

Real Time ... right here, right now ...

I'm sitting on a hotel balcony in the middle of Nairobi, alone. I've left B, my friend with whom I stayeed in Lamu. We waved, and hollered as a boat took me to another tiny island on the archapelego ( don't you just love that word? i knew you would!) where i got an internal flight, here, this afternoon. I have to stay in a hotel over night cos otherwise i wouldn't have managed to get a connection tmrw morning, back to London. Not sure that's such a bad thing...

I'm not sure if I should feel a tad odd. The hotel is clean and busy, but I cant help but feel it is something straight from a 1950s film which would have starred The Great Humphrey Bogart, had he done a 'straight-to video- film, had they had videos then, and had he ever bothereed to come to 'the dark continent'.

It's actually not too bad at all.

Opposite me there is a large sign, 'Lifestyle Lounge'. Fab. I wonder if they can help me out with my woes about returning to London? Thankfully it's closed, otherwise I could have been crying into my flat pillow, on my single bed tonight after they told me that there's no hope.

I'm fearful about England's afternoons of darkness, my solitary confinement, which I guess is pretty must self-imposed, due to lazytoeragitus, and I'm concerned about 'stuff'.

The 'stuff' that's bothering me is related to my ex-lover, ex-life partner, ex-- well, just my ex. But I won't go into any of that. I don't actually know what to say on the matter. Even if you offered me a tenner I wouldn't have anything to say... but if you upped the stakes to a tenner and a packet of British Marlboro Lites, (i'm sounding like i should be in Benidorm and not Kenya,, there sorry) then we could come to some sort of arrangement. I'd spill the beans with that offer... I'm sure I could think of a thing or 50 to say on the matter, then.

I have mixed feelings many of which I cannot decipher. And so, amigos i shall stay schtum.

Using my laptop outside in the warm breeze of Africa, while smoking dodgy foreign cigarettes and drinking a tonic water, is me living my dream. I came here to write. And I have written, as well as snoozed - oh, and I got me a tan. You'd be envious, I'm telling ya! You'd tolerate this hotel for one night in exchange for the hue my skin's got right now.

I'm sitting waiting for a flight which will take me on my next lap of life. No idea what will come - who ever does, though, eh? Good things I reckon. Even if they're bad, I'll get something good from it. I will. No, I will, really, I will..!!

However, you really should see my room. This is cheapsakes-R-US. And if the truth be told I may as well be sitting here waiting for the last train to Palookaville.


Remember how we were so in love?

If you listen to the words to the link below -- you'll see that you've been here before. Probably more than once,if you're lucky, or not, depending on how you hear the words...

He sings:'Hold onto the momen, Love... remember how we were so in love? just hold onto that moment, love ...'

Bitter sweet.
Patronising arse.

Hear it here...

Right now I'm in a Nairobi hotel, alone, waiting for tmrw's morning flight back to London. Can't wait.
yeah right.
Back to dark afternoons, cold weather, loneliness and work, work, work...
life's good.

Thursday, 18 November 2010

Sweet Musique!

You'd be doing yourself a disservice by not listening to this. Who cannot love the line: 'All I need is a little time, To get behind this sun and cast my weight.'

ViVa life!

I'm outside on a white day bed with the stars above me listing to this, alone. My friend B has gone out for dinner and I'm well, loving being alive right now!

All I need is a little time;
To get behind this sun and cast my weight,
All I need is a peace of this mind:
Then I can celebrate.

All in all there's something to give,
All in all there's something to do,
All in all there's something to live,
With you ...

All I need is a little sign,
To get behind this sun and cast this weight of mine,
All I need is the place to find,
And there I'll celebrate.

All in all there's something to give,
All in all there's something to do,
All in all there's something to live,
With you ...

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Today's mood in songs - don't be scared it's good!

My mood today in songs:

'What a difference a day makes.' - Dinah Washington

'She's like the wind.' - Patrick Swayze (ahem)

'Get into the groove.' - Madonna.

'Doing it and doing it and doing it well.' - LL Cooool Jay.

'Shine on' - Degrees in Motion.

'Can't keep a good biyatch down.' - Clare Gee in the mo fo house y'all !!!


Monday, 15 November 2010

A tale of many parts

As you may know already I'm on Lamu island, off Kenya. A world heritage site. It's a pretty island. Very small and the only transport here are donkeys. There are no cars, plenty of creepy crawlys and lots of humidity.
I'm staying with a friend. Yep, male, and yes, platonic. I couldn't be doing with any man-drama after the Blue fiasco, which is still raw and painful. Less painful now, I think. I've kinda switched off. My feelings are not accessible to me. I've had to do this. To coin a phrase used by Alex my ex-boyfriend whom I mention in my book, Hooked. I've switched off for purposes of 'self preservation'. Pompous as it sounds, it's definitely something like that.

Its turned into a weird situation which i no longer profess to have any understanding of, so I will not continue to try to. He ended our relationship. His reasons are his own and I've tried to get us back and he doesn't want to, so I surrender to what lies ahead of me. And I always try to be upbeat.

Blue emailed me the other day to say that he'd like us to 'At least be friends because it would seem odd and wrong to not even be able to communicate.'
Apparently he 'Couldn't bear to have any bad feelings between us.'

Right. So, he dumps me for no very clear reason and now this?

I suspect he'd like us to 'be friends' for his own gain... a bit of a distant security blanket. I'm a good egg, me; a loyal ally and he knows it. I won't be that 'comfortable sweater' if that's what you'd hoped for in a friendship, I emailed back.

I guess he won't feel quite so bad if we're 'friends' or at least if he's offered the hand of friendship to me.
How noble. He can keep it. It's been a very long time since I have felt this confused in a relationship - and before I combust - I've waved the white flag. I now know what he meant about 4 weeks ago when he said that he 'Can't cope.' Then he finished me harshly. Iknow, I know, he didn'tknow how else to do it, bless 'im...

So now, maybe he can cope. With what? That wasn't clear in the email. He said he has 'plenty he could say but wont in an email'. But I guess he said all that he meant - 'Let's be friends...' Ahhh... Problem is, now, it's me who can't cope. Not with this.

I'm tired, tired, tired. I've emailed him back and I've told him that i can no longer do this thing. I cannot be his friend and we need to cut all contact.

Here's a song for ya...

Saturday, 6 November 2010

I'm outta here...

The time has come ... I'm just about to leave for the airport. I actually can't wait. I'm desperate to get out of London for a while.

I'm flying to Kenya this evening then taking an internal flight to a small island.

It's time to focus on myself. Sent the first draft of my second book to the agent as I'd intended. Now, it's my time to sleep, relax, sunbathe, forget London and write.

Back on November 23rd.

Friday, 5 November 2010

Tomorrow is the day.

I'm REALLY not showing off, OK ... I'm merely sharing with you, my dear friends, where I am going tomorrow... I know, I know... I'm having to drag myself away from London for this.