Friday, 30 September 2011

Yes, i was married to 2 men at the same time.

A Question:
'Right, reading your book, obviously you were in a dreadful place, men booze drugs etc, but what surprised be was how hurt, shocked and awful you felt about bigamy. Without trying to sound too judgemental about it, I really would have thought that was the last of your problems but it seemed to shake you to the core. So I suppose I thought, here is a lost soul a broken person (if you will) who has a soul and isn't broken, there is a value system that actually gives a shit. So my question is I would like to hear more about your values, I am just curious that after the surface what are the deep driver, because that’s what saved you... told you it was a curiosity thing... there CG x'

My Answer:

Bigamy was and still is to a degree a big issue for me. The reason being it was so irrational, it scares me to think that i did it. I did it to try and please two people I was involved with. Because to me, this symbolises my levels of insecurity i find it embarrassing.

The prostitution i understand - a means to an end - bigamy, well, that was just odd. I tried to help 2 people to get British visas – that’s what I convinced myself it was about. Of course there was no payment – I have never been mercenary. I cared for these people, but still. it was an absolutely ridiculous thing for me to do. It gives me the creeps still to think i did it. However, I totally accept it.

As I always say - i am my father's daughter. My father, although he has his own issues, is a good man with a strong sense of decency, fairness and socialism, in spite of him being awfully British! The thing is one can never quite rid oneself of the upbringing. I am reserved, quite conservative in many respects, and I’m a traditionalist with relevant values. Based on this the idea of marrying one man then another while still legally married to the first was stupid – and let’s face it – what would a real future husband think to this?

Well, I’ve spoken to him...(the banker)and as he hugged me he grinned and told me he’ll need to enquire around the country to just make sure I’m still not married to anyone else, before we go ahead.... :O)