Thursday, 16 June 2011

Bitching - in bullet points.

This note will most be compromised of me bitching, and some pet hates. Both being the same thing, i guess.

Just some minor observations which turn my stomach as I get on with the daily business of living in London…

■I cannot stand those stupid stainless steel mug things that people carry on the train with their morning coffee inside.You know the ones. The bearer thinks they're really fukin busy yet organised and cool holding it. Whenever I see one I want to snatch it out of the hand of the carrier and pour the liquid - if indeed there's any even in there - over their head and tell them to stop being so fucking silly.
■If I see another man with a tie around his neck that hasn’t been tied I’ll tell him to either get a grip; get on the set of American Psycho, or I'll throttle him with it. Whats the point? This is 2011, not 1980 for crying out loud. Hmmph.
■A frequently asked question: ‘ Clare were you an escort?’ er, no, mate I’ve just got that sub-heading on the cover of my book for fun. Thought it’d be a laugh to say something which has not an ounce of truth in it.
■Another frequently asked question: 'do you mind if i ask you ...' Well, you're about to ask me anyway so why the hesitence? Just ask me politely don't pre-empt your question with 'do you mind if i ask you...' whats the point in that? fucking ask me, whatever it is you want to know and if you've over stepped the line I'll tell you to go away and if you just want to know something as simple as do i regret any part of my past - then just say, that and I'll tell you that i do.
■This isn't a frequently asked question - I'm asking myself this... Why do i swear so much? er, because I fucking like it. It makes me very fucking happy.
■Finally, another pet ate from the underground. People who are reading then lick their finger to turn the page. One question… Must you? I mean, really?
Please. Stop. Ok???

That’s it. Rant over. Now I’m getting into the bath before I get into bed. And if you don’t’ like any of my comments – suck my tits :O)