Monday, 12 July 2010

"You were very naughty, Clare" (err, you don't actually know me)

" You're been a very naughty girl, haven't you Clare ?" was the greeting I got just now when I picked up the phone to a client of my boss.

" Yes, I have - who's that?"

A well known sporting hero has read my book. Was I embarrassed? No - he chose to search it out; that's not my concern. My boss mentioned it to him and was teasing me about it - so the guy got a copy. Every sale counts!

" I'd love to know what's real and what's not. I don't suppose you'd ever tell me though would you?"

" No, I wouldn't." I laughed.

" I can't put you and the main character in the book together..."

" Well, I'm the author - she's a character."

" So, you're not going to tell anything about what is fictitious or not?" he continued.

" No, no, I'm not". I said very seriously.

I think i've said quite enough to be going on with in Hooked. I've written about emotions which can be attached to many events, and the exact details of the said events which are portrayed in the book are not important.

If you asked me out right is such and such true - I may tell you. I may not. It depends.
It depends on my mood. It depends on if I trust you. And if I trust you - then you're likely to know it all already anyway, 'cos we probably saw each other last week or something, cos we're already established friends. After my past, I can give the impression of trusting someone. I can give information, course I can - but facts do not a person make.
What is not said often gives more information that what is said, no? I agree with this - but what is my business is mine, and only a few people can get close to that. It's a minefield, I know, but the idea of being asked outright I find distasteful. Call me old fashioned. If I answer your questions about my past it may depend on if I like you. If I think you've been too blunt or crude in your wording I wont tell you a thing. A lot would depend on if I think you are over stepping my personal space line and being too forward. And if you're doing that, then why? Surely you're aware of it? Surely you're aware that you're being too forward? Although I am open - I certainly have walls. Best policy? Ask nothing and just let me talk...

Now, if your name is Viking .... Well, you're invited to ask me whatever the heck you want Sweetheart, and I'll tell ya the answer... But please be sure to ask me questions that you actually really want or feel you need to know the answers to. I don't want you putting yourself off me, now!
So why can Viking ask direct questions, and I'll give him and asnwer?
Err, because I want him to know me.
And even he's too gracious and respectful to attempt to extract salacious detail. I don't think he's too concerned about that stuff. Th guy's smart, anyway.
He doesn't need to know what colour knickers I was wearing on March 14th 2001 to know that it's more than likely I was feeling disgust at my life and I vehemently hated myself.

Now, he may want to know what colour knickers I'm wearing today - but that's a different thing all together. ..

There are so very few people that really, really know me, and who even witness never mind understand the vast contradictions in my personality - therefore I am hardly going to let someone have any more than I've already said in the book.
I've written a book - I've created a story. As I've said all along the events are not all real, but the majority of the emotions are.

Please don't believe you know who I am because you have read about Katie. I change like the wind. I have thoughts that fluctuate depending on so much.
Like so many people, I am not a fixed point. I am fluid, expandable, flighty at times.
The only things that don't change are my loyalties, my integrity, my core values and my love of ice-cream. Which incidentally seems to be diminishing...