Saturday, 10 July 2010

Lacking Focus.

What a gorgeous day today was! I've laughed my head of for the majority of it.
I saw L, went to her house and we both lay in the garden in our bikinis, gossiping, and rubbing sun cream into each other ...( think of that in slow motion.)
So .... what's going on with me? Hmmm.... well, I'm sitting here grinning as I'm writing this. I feel good, I suppose, nothing major going on... Just one thing ... I say ' just' one thing and this one thing is a biggie for me right now.
I've been totally avoiding working more on my second book. My lack of writing is turning into a major concern for me. My energy for it just isn't there right now. The foundations of the second book are laid. It's there, but it needs so much work it's actually ridiculous.
I must try and fall in love with this book. That way I shall WANT to continue working on it. I've kinda sent it to Coventry at the moment... It's like an annoying neighbor who cannot be ignored, but one must be polite towards; when actually I really need to feel that the second book is similar to a kitten that I must attend to daily. An adorable kitten who needs cuddles and nurturing throughout the day.

I firmly believe that what you cast out in this world - the energy you project is the energy you get back. If I'm searching for methods, (faffing around on facebook etc) to kill time and avoid dealing with my most essential projects, then what the hell? I will get precisely no where. Before I know it weeks will have go by, the summer will be over, and I won't have completed the goals I set out for myself. And then my self esteem would drop, I'd worry, I'd fret and I'd probably begin to get depressed. And that way, a cycle begins.

It's such a bore immersing myself in writing, at times. Well, that's how I feel about it at the moment. When I go into the right zone that I need to, to write, it's a pretty lonely place to be. The solitude of writing suits a part of my temperament which is insular and obsessive - but allowing myself to go into that place in my mind is a little scary.
I end up experiencing the feelings and situations that I write about, and when it's 'Arrgh!' which the second book is - that makes it difficult to take the plunge and immerse myself in it. But do it I must - I must, I must...