Saturday, 6 February 2010

Leopards can change their spots.

Life is good right now. It’s such a pleasure for me to be able to say that. I never tire of it. It’s not as though heaps of stuff has happened – it hasn’t. Just things moving in the right direction – which is forward.

has gone to the printers.
I fucking did it! I am hugely proud of my achievement. I have a right to be – although I will not wallow in that. I cannot express to you how fucked I was when I was sniffing coke and abusing alcohol. You've seen the film Boogie Nights when the two women are sniffing coke in that hotel room and they get really messy? That was me, daily. I was the epitome of the coke-fiends that one sees in films. Not any more, mate! Hell no – from coke-whore to AUTHOR.
*Coughs* Well, it’s damn true....

Blue and I are getting on really well. It feels totally natural for him to be here. Seeing him daily is a joy. I think he feels the same way. I look forward to being around him. I like him. I enjoy his company. He’s a buddy as well as an incredible lover. He’s so tender, gentle, doe-eyed, yet he has had a life of awful emotional struggle. We understand each other without having to spell things out. We appreciate the same things. We both are very grateful for simplicity in our lives.
For example: Last night we were feeling really snug and satisfied about having things in reserve at home. I’ll explain... in the bathroom there are two tubes of toothpaste in the cupboard, two bubble baths, spare tooth brushes, 16 toilet rolls. In the kitchen there are 3 packets of fresh coffee, lots of unopened pasta, rice, amongst other things. Just stuff, you know.

We’re ‘growing up’ Blue said. Neither of us has lived with any organisation in our past lives. One day I may tell you his story. It’s worth hearing. Or better still, maybe he will tell you himself. He has had a hellova life, and I think what makes it more interesting is that you’d never think it on meeting him. He’s so well spoken, graceful, and modest.
I love his appreciation of small things, because I am the same. I need a man like that. I love that he views life from the same place I do. We’re both appreciative that our surroundings are warm. We have food, we have a working washing machine, we have hot water whenever we want a shower or bath which is usually twice a day for each of us. We have clean clothes, we have money to go for dinner or a film. We have toiletries (maybe too many considering my fetish for Boots the Chemist.) Humility has been drilled into both of us through our pasts.
Blue is tidy and that helps me to try to be a little more tidy. Not too much, mind... I’m naturally untidy and I don't mind it to be truthful. I don’t place my worth as a woman on my ability to ‘keep house’. It's more about the quality of the head I give.
Now if you believe that.......

Actually it’s not because Blue is tidy that encourages me to be more so – it’s that there is little room in the flat for two.
He looks after me does my Boy Blue. By that I mean, he checks on me. He strokes my hair and asks me if he can get me anything: a drink, a munch, a cuppa... He will run me a bath and wash my hair or rub my back. That is looking after me, in my book. We look after each other. I have my ‘taking care of my man’ thing finely tuned. I am well versed, well trained in the matter. It comes naturally to me. There was only daddy and me at home so I picked things up that were expected of me, which I’ve developed over the years and they have become a part of me. Plus I am naturally a nurturer. I learned very quickly how to look after someone; a man.

Oooo in this post it’s about we, we, we, we..... ahh.
I’m getting ready to go into town now. I’m going to meet my Saviour. The person I have dedicated my book to. The person that has been my constant throughout my life.
Gonna take him a copy of Hooked for him to read. He’s in it.

Ahhh,,,,, happy , happy times!

I hope you’re smiling too, my friends.