Wednesday, 13 January 2010

NEW WORD: ' Shitanigans'

I’m sitting here in a white vest and black leggings, scoffing vanilla fudge, drinking PG Tips and listening to La Traviata while trying to make room in my brain to start writing some more of UnHooked.
I must seem anal always banging on about ‘trying’ to write this second book – but the conditions must be right for me to write. (Excuses, excuses) Cool room temperature, tummy not too full of food and I must try to detach my thoughts of anything other than what I am writing about. Right now I am unable to do that because:
1. I’m writing this blog.
2. I have music playing.
3. I am excited. I got sent a second cover for Hooked and I love it!
4. I’m thinking about the weekend. Nothing happening apart from seeing Blue. Ahhh, we’re in love!

So all in all – Je suis not ready just yet. Maybe writing this post will help me get into the tap, tap, tapping mood I need to be in – get a bit of a flow going, over here...
I didn’t go to work today. It was lovely having a day off, but back to it tomorrow, when after work I start that grammar course I told you about. I can’t wait! I love to feel as though I am helping myself to become better. I get a real buzz from it. In fact living life consciously and always trying to be better I find rather thrilling. I actually get huge elation from it. Call me boring – I don’t mind. I’ve done my shitanigans (new word alert! 'shitanigans' Do we like??) – I'm now on a different thing all together.

Blue and I had a chat the other day... We talked about some of the stuff that we fantasise about. I’ve discovered that he is not as ‘liberal’ as he has tried to portray himself to be. He thought it’s what I wanted to hear. I’m relieved that he’s not out to prove his liberalness any more , cos liberal is not exactly a word I choose to descirbe myself, sexually. Phew!
Just cos I was once a hooker, please don’t be naive and think that, that makes me some libertarian. You’d be wrong. I sold my ass to get money for cocaine. It was deeper than that – but I’m not going into all that now. It's too complex.
But the point is, sex for money was a survival thing and a sensible one at the time.

If you don't understand that – I’m happy for you. That means that your life went in a different direction to mine. I don’t hold that against you – so don’t hold my past against me –and if you do – remember that it is God that will cast the last stone – not you.
The sex with clients was mostly pedestrian. It certainly wasn’t like some books will have us believe - fisting, pissing, getting pissed on, having spunk facials. Fuck, no! You gotta be kidding. I don’t that stuff with a man I’m in love with, never mind a bloody stranger...

There is a vast difference between how a person is when they are on drugs and drinking too much and they are selling themselves compared to when they’ve not touched a drop of alcohol or drugs for nearly 6 years and have changed their day to day habits. A female friend of mine is probably the most reserved woman that I know, sexually, and she was street walker for years.

You see – you can’t really know someone based on facts, can you? Time and an open mind gets you closer to experiencing the real person. And that, my friends is not rocket science.