Monday, 2 November 2009

Your questions My answers.

Recently i’ve taken to not writing a post when I am tired. Bit of a cop-out since the deal has always been that I write a daily blog. So, this evening, to save me bleating on about tiredness and a lack of motivation for anything other than sleep and sex – I thought I would answer some of the questions that you good people put to me regularly:

1.Do you want some fun? What does this mean exactly? I love fun. Who doesn’t. By the nature of it being fun, surely it’s a good thing. If you’re asking if I want sex with you? The answer has to be no. I don’t bang people that only see me as a bit of ‘fun’.

2.Is that really you in the photo? Yes. All the photos are me,except the one in the corset; which happens to be of a lilly white woman with gigantic hands. Neither of which I am nor have.

3.Are you an escort? Read the posts, mate. Read the blurb. Read the about me. I talk about the fact that I WAS a hooker. Past tense. I ain’t no more, gottit? And if you try to hit me with ‘once a whore always a whore’ tripe, delete yourself from this page. I don’t do stupid people. Never did. Never will.

4.How old are you? Old enough.

5.Have you written a book? Are you serious?

6.Where do you live? 16, Acacia Avenue, Billaricky. Do you want the post code as well for navigation purposes? OK - EN12 6PP. 2nd house on the left, when you pass the post box.

7.What’s your mobi number? Is this how you chat women up? ‘what’s your number?’ You wont get far with that approach... First, please never use the expression ‘mobi’ that makes me want to throw up. But since you ask so cutely let me give you my mobile number, my land line, oh and my parents’ phone numbers just incase you ever wonder where I am if you are unable to get through to me. How’s that sound?

8.Can I take you out for dinner some time? Thank you so much for the kind offer. I’d love to have the guts to meet you, when you ask so sweetly. Unfortunately for me, I am too paranoid to embark on such activities. Maybe I could bring a friend? Then if you try to attack me, you’ll have to also fight off a 20 stone man mountain of muscle. Or maybe I could just bring L ..?

9.Are your boobs real? Do people ask your mother this?

10.Can I be your slave? Wow! Not every day I get asked this. How about we star with ‘ hello’ and see where that takes us...