Monday, 16 November 2009

What a BLOW !

I just started writing a post then *poof* my computer cut out. I'm too tired to re-write the whole post again, sorry. I’ve just got in after meeting Blue for some food.
I had begun telling yous what happened over the weekend – but it’s too long for me to write it again. i will do that tomorrow, instead. I didn’t see Blue on Saturday. He was in a strop. Will explain more tomorrow.

Other than that I was commenting on the news which has dominated my brain today : the legendary Belle du Jour has finally revealed herself. Fabulous it is not. Not for me anyway. Will no one care about my book and my story any longer? I know competition is meant to be a good thing and I’ve never really understood this. I asked some of you earlier on Facebook why that is? You gave me answers for which I am grateful, but I guess my feelings have again clouded the reality, and again, I am left wondering why competition is good?
To allow people to make a decision about what suites them most? Do you mean, like realism and feeling or pure titivation and glamorisation? I sound bitchy. I don’t mean to...
Let’s face it, the woman has a huge fan base already – so you may wonder how I ever thought I could compete with that. Indeed, can I? I believe I can. I always believed that I could. But what now that she has revealed herself? Does that change things?
Well I was/am going to /have reveal ed myself. I’ve never hidden who I am, what I am, what I did and how I feel and felt about it, and then this? I have written a genuine book which has soul, but my fear is that this Belle lady will now become the ‘face ‘ and no doubt the voice of hookerdom in London, and will that leave room for people to still be interested in another? A more gritty, honest, real version.
My story is different. Yep, we both charged £300 an hour, but the way her story has been told was always about commercial value and not realism. The stuff that she describes does not happen. Not in the type of hooking she talks about.

What a blow. Nothing I can do amigos except keep faith in my story, because it is totally honest, and spoken from the heart. It is clear that a piece of my soul is within my book. I tell a story of surviving emotional difficulties and how I existed with those, then learned to begin to over come them.
I’m saying all this – but I am a survivor. Of course I am otherwise I’d be dead. Positivity rules in my world. Usually. So, I reckon some sleep will help me to re-instate my utter faith in myself. I’ve never doubted Hoked for a moment. It’s strange but true. I’ve never doubted it but I am doubting if the public will now only be concerned with Belle and no one will give a hoot about Hooked.

I know this is all rather self-indulgent so please forgive me if I sound that way. I am simply voicing natural concerns. But saying all this - I’m sure that tomorrow I will bounce back. Tomorrow is a fresh set of 24 hours to do with as I will. And I will use them as productively as possible.
Amen to that.