Thursday, 13 August 2009


• Went out for dinner with two girls from work. Was fun. I feel like I’m settling in nicely there. It’s weird having to avoid the main part of my life: the book. But there we have it. It’s nothing new for me to have to dodge subjects which may raise eyebrows.

• Feel like I can relax a little (kinda). Sent everything that I needed to to the agent who has forwarded it all to the publisher. Now I must think about moving. I still haven’t had confirmation from the new landlord about a time to meet him to collect the keys and pay him his ££.

• Dee emailed me today. He says he feels as though he should leave me alone for a while. The reason? He’s been texting me and sending me random emails throughout the day, as if we are a couple. I simply emailed back and said 'Alright then, if that’s what you want'. I don’t know what to say to him at this point. What I do know is that he thinks (or believes) that we will get back together and it's a matter of when. I’m not at all sure about that. I just don't see how it could ever work.It just can't and as for sleeping with him. God, no. If I did that - in his mind it would be a done deal. Yikes!

• I’m sitting here in black knickers and nothing else. Standard for me to potter about at home in just about nothing. A necessary sense of freedom and a clear definition between home and the rest of the world.

• There are a lot of beautiful people in London. I really enjoy seeing the massive mix of ethnicities and the variety of lifestyles that are being lived in this city. I could sit for hours in a busy area and just watch.

• I still think about Blue. It’s not stinging me any longer but I admit that I miss the connection we had during those first few times we met. Actually, we only met a few times anyway - and I’m happy we did it.. Some very real and wonderful emotions were felt, at least by me, and I will allow myself to think that he did too. I’m not so shallow that those feelings just disappear because he’s out of sight, although obviously I can live with his absence.
My heart is not allowed to crumble. A broken heart is saved for really serious things such as my dad being taken ill – or my book not getting published. And even then – I would have to just keep forging forward.

• Am drinking coffee right now and puffing on a Marlboro Lite. Nice.

• Been loving getting to bed earlier than usual the last couple of nights. I’m feeling so much better for it. Although I have yet to get the final draft of the book to the publishers by 1st September, so no doubt early nights will come to an abrupt end after this weekend.

• This cute guy came in to work today. An American. I’ve seen him before. I wouldn’t say no... He just needs to ask...over my desk, on the near by sofa, with people watching if he wants. Now, there’s an idea - God, I’d love people watching! How horny is that!!?? Never done anything like that. As I’ve said before I’ve been quite sheltered in my sexcapades.

• I’ve got the television on for the first time in three days. Watching ‘The funny side of Politics’. Yep, funny indeed.

• Ok- think I’ve written enough. This was meant to be short – but as always , I’ve gone on and on and on and on – just like the photographer when he slips me a length... Even that’s feeling appealing right now...