Wednesday, 8 July 2009


• Jobs seem to be hard to find in London right now. I am asking a meagre income for the loan of my brain and beauty, to help me by while I continue writing.
Still, Monster, Fish4 Jobs etc, etc just aren’t happening for me.
It is really quite depressing.
I realise after getting into the routine of work at my past job, (which incidentally was on the 2012Olympic Village) - how healthy it is for me.
I enjoyed it. The structure, the clear knowledge of what would happen during the day.

• I need that more than I may admit. I like to know what’s going on with anything that involves me. Knowing, gives me security. Not knowing freaks me out.

• But right now the problem lies with me not knowing anything about anything except how to give the best head of your life.
I’m still staying at L’s place. I’m still in Surrey, but we’re going out shortly.

• I long for the relationship that just ended and realise I’ve been glamorising it( and him) in a bid to anchor myself onto something I know.
Usually I can handle stark reality pretty well. In fact I positively encourage it, but today I still feel fragile.

• I made a mistake with the doctor’s appointment yesterday. It wasn’t yesterday he’s coming to see me it’s Friday. Bring it on I say. I want to make some revisions in my life at the moment.

• I’m sitting here drinking green tea and attempting to write something for a national newspaper that I agreed to do. The editor wants it for Friday.
Can I do it? Suddenly I feel as though I can’t even cope with that… God, it’s a crazy time for me at the moment.

• L and I are soon going to an exhibition in town; installations. I’m looking forward to it. Then after wards I think we’re meeting Photographer – you know the popstar-banging-guy and one of his friends who L would like to meet…
Despite being utterly down I still gots time to play cupid. Just cos I’m lonely and can’t keep a relationship together why should that mean that I can’t sort someone else out? I can at least live vicariously through L for a couple of weeks while I lick my wounds…. And hell, does that girl live! I love it!