Sunday, 17 May 2009

change the record! please!

It’s happened again. On a smaller scale, and in fact this time it was my step mum who over reacted to nothing. I’m bored of it, them, gutted and angry that my folks are so fucking odd.

I can’t be bothered to go into detail except to say, like last night they drank two bottles of red wine this evening, between them, and just a few minutes ago my step mum brought up the subject of my mother. As far as I could see she was shit stirring. She knows dad and i have polar different views on my feelings towards my mother from when I was small.I will explain more tomorrow when I’m more clear headed and less pissed off.

Anyway, Daddy went to the loo and I said to Step-Mama that I thought she’s brought up the subject
( which I’d immediately told them i didn’t want to talk about) out of ‘buggerment’.
After that comment S.M denied my statement and immediately decided that she was going to bed - and that was that. Dad then came through into the lounge and wished me a good night.

Ce ca. Finito.

So fucking stroppy. Why do that? Nothing bad was said, We're adult. They've now cast an uncomfortable air over things and now the whole weekend could possibly be seen as a 'failure' because of their fucking bull bollocks.


( 'Bull bollocks' - new word.... we like? or not? )

God, my father and his wife can be tedious. I will not bite to their crap. I’m sober, and emotionally intelligent. They are drunk and emotionally peculiar. Even when sober; which was only highlighted by Daddy Gee blabbing on about how he has ‘ no feelings whatsoever’ about one of his sons.
This same son decided that he wanted nothing to do with dad – after our dad re-appeared in his ( the son’s) life 18months ago, after 40 years of absence. I get the son’s point, although I hate that it hurt my dad at the time.
Now,instead of admitting hurt – he expresses complete nonchalance which was backed up by daddy's wife saying to me about her husband, in front of her husband:

“ He’s like that you know... He can just cut his feelings off. He can just cut people off...” ( daddy didn't dispute that)

“I know “ I said. ( what's that a fucking threat? Nah - im just being paranoid.)

“Be careful” My dad warned me.

Whatever Pops.

He no longer intimidates me. I don’t fear him. He won't bully me into his bullshit bollocks. I am a grown women with my own thoughts. My only rule is that I am never rude to them.

Honest , yes. Rude of abusive - why would I be rude and/ or abusive to an elderly man?
God, I’m pissed off and I’m looking forward to getting the flat back to myself tomorrow.
We’ve had a really lovely couple of days until about 30minutes ago...
Now, it’s my job to not let that break my heart and to be as up beat as possible in what will be an awkward situation tomorrow. I will be alright with them. They will try to be alright too – but these people I don’t trust. They’re like wolves in sheep's clothing. It’s awful feeling like that towards your parent (s).

It’s fucking shit if the truth be known.

But still, what can I do? I can’t control their responses to things; only mine.
Pity, that.

Check out my Facebook page if you fancy a more personal chat. I'm under the name Missy Gee.