Saturday, 21 February 2009

saturday hangover

God, the lover is pissing me off.
I can't bear being with a guy who is quiet and solemn when he has a hangover. I cant bear to be with a man who has a weekly hangover.

This is a hard quandary I find myself in.
Since I stopped drinking and pumping my body full of toxins and strangers ejaculate... OK, they did use condoms, but anyway...I haven't had a relationship with anyone that, God forbid, gets drunk on a friday night after work.

Well, I kind of did, briefly. That was with the 51 year old silver haired sexpert who was one of the horniest fucks of my life. He drank a fair amount too regularly for me to feel totally comfortable with his liqour consumption.
The current lover restricts his binges to friday evenings with his work colleagues. A practice I have often mocked (perhaps jealously) and described as 'following the herd,' 'twee','tedious','monotonous'... should I go on? No? okay then...

Yes, I know it may seem completely unreasonable - especially considering friday night drunkeness is ingrained in British culture.
As a non drinker I would be most comfortable in a relationship where my partner drank very little, and very rarely if ever, got drunk. In fact never getting drunk would be good, like my last relationship - the sexless one.

I don't need my boy to be abstinent, like me - I just don't want him getting pissed every week then ruining Saturday's with a hang over. It's a dull, boring habit. Change the record mate.

I spent many times early in our union, and if I'm truthful I still think even today, 8 months on - am i not enough? Why must he drink to get drunk? Why then does he get so absorbed in his weekly boozing ritual that I then get cast to one side of his mind and he doesn't call me for five hours?
I hate that.
I want his attention all the time, even when he's getting pissed - in fact especially when he's getting pissed. Drunkeness makes everyone vulnerbale to so many dodgey things, that considering I'm completely sober, literally all the time, it's not something that I'm always at ease with.

He's not an alcoholic, so i know his weekly piss-up it doesn't ruin his life, but he's going out with an alchi and I wish he'd understand why I get into a strop when faced with a sweating and morose chap who's likely to have an anxiety attack on me at any moment. He gets them from time to time. He's a sensitive soul.

You know something? I do wish, at times, I could join him on these sessions and drink like the rest of them - maybe that's what my real problem is; I can't.

Well, I could, but as I said to you before - I choose not to... "boring!" The frustrating thing is - I know that if I did jump on his band wagon and get drunk as a skunk, that first time we'd probably have a brilliant and fun evening together. Probably, not definitely. Of course the fun would only last until the next morning and my overwhelming guilt at tumbling off the wagon would force me to push him away while I set to work condemning myself to a life of grim inevitability.I used to be very aggressive and rude when I was drunk. In an instant I'd turn into a rabid monster who was out to impose my self-hatred onto anyone in hearing distance of me.

The lover is not like this. Drunk or sober he's a friendly soul who has never courted Satan never mind invited the dark side into his home and into his daily life, as I did.
The boy doesn't switch like a maniac just 'cos he's tipsy - he's jolly and he enjoys himself, and other people enjoy him so what's my problem?
He said this to me earlier today 'You don't like me doing anything that doesn't involve you.'
How arrogant. But maybe, just maybe, he has a point.