Sunday, 27 March 2011

Last night sex : (part 2)


OK, so perhaps I need to tell you something... I have met this guy once before. Recently. But I said nothing to you about it then; not sure why.. Maybe cos I knew I'd want to see him again and after this note if I don't see him again - then so be it.
When i first met him - I walked to the meeting place feeling shy but really fuckin pleased with myself. He's really gorgeous. OK, so it sounds shallow, I don't care. I make no apologies for appreciating that. He certainly gives my ex-boyfriend Dee a run for his money.

So, during our first date went for dinner, as we did last night before going tto the hotel for..... pudding. On to last night we'd been texting and plotting and had agreed not to talk when I got to the hotel and just, well, kiss... He's very still. I like that. By 'still' I mean he feels in control. He's calm. the kissing and touching was deliberate and not faked film-style, theatrics which is embarrassing and in my opinion contrived.. We kissed lightly, softly, at first, and I was feeling it, and IT, and it seems he was feeling it too.

Ok....Soo... my reaction to his body? (see previous note) I silently smirked, of course. What would any other heterosexual woman do, eh? My reaction to first seeing his dick? The great unveiling. It always makes me nervous. I smiled loudly. 'You're pretty amazing' I told him when I was on my knees. Now it was his turn to grin...I clambered out of my cute and sexy playsuit ( and let me tell you something at this point. I've no quibbles with my body whatsoever. I'm pretty happy with it ) - and what did i get from him in response? -Well, i got touched, kissed and stuff, you know... but no words.
I like words. I'm a writer, I love words. I like reading them, hearing them and expressing them. He told me that I'd made a good choice of outift. That's not saying anything about me though is it? And like all women you want to be admired. Of course, why would he if he's so used to people complementing him? But I'm used to people complimenting me too - but still ......

I loved how sexually neither of us was out to prove anything. It was well, the kind of sex which I don't often get. I too often get men who are trying to prove their technical ability and virtually try to bully me into cumming. Nah. Not my thing. This was more about breathing each other in, caressing, and gentle movement. As I said, he's damn sure of himself and thankfully we had a connection which was not at all forced.

OK, so there's cumming and there's cumming.I did both types. For me, I believe having an orgasm is down to the woman and the man of course plays a role, but not half as much as they like to think. One time I came, I immediately hopped off him and almost pushed him away, and i shifted across to the edge of the bed...
We were both staring at each other and truth be told I hated him a little in those moments. Until my body had calmed down. Make of that what you will. I'm funny sometimes. I hate feeling exposed like that. It leaves me feeling vulnerable, powerless and I don't like it.
Had the orgasm happened because of rigorous movements then it wouldn't impact on me in the way it did. Stuff like this, although I want it in my life, it also makes me run to the hills.

I could analyise the reasons why as you could and truth be told I don't want to. I understand myself and sex very well. And I'm aware what it does for me and to me, and I'm sexually mature enough to realise certain things about me and my responses.
Anyway... it kinda put me off my stride for a while. I just felt quiet and exposed and I didn't like it. He, of course, was all right. He isn't particularly tactile and I wasn't cos i guess we both knew what we were meeting for, both times. We were both guarded although I'm very sure he thinks he's not and the truth be told, it's not my style. I'm usually very affectionate and I hate having to hold back.

However.... although the sex is pretty special and he is a nice guy, we are very different people with slightly different values, I think.

Now, after our first date, I didn't give a monkeys about values and differences. After last night and after THAT orgasm - I've decided that since the guy has very few flaws, as since I am susceptible to attachments, I must focus on our differences and not the ecstatic sex, in order to put a stop to this. We're never going to be in a relationship. He doesn't do them, and even if he did, I suspect he'd chose a small pretty big-boobed blonde doll. He's blatantly a player, cad, and bounder, and I'm not his type of woman but I can live with it.

Besides I don't think for a moment that he could ever get me and the torment I go through, or would have an understanding that I can be intense and solemn but things are actually all right. It's just how I am. He would not comprehend how I can write a book over the period of 2/3 years and get very very little back from it. I think he'd think that was not financially worthwhile, therefore pointless.He likes stuff. I like stuff too -- but he covets stuff in a way that I don't.
Money and stuff mean very very little to me. I won't be contacting him again. Physically he's addictive - and let's not forget I have an addictive personality. Don't get me wrong - I'd like to see him again -- but I wont be chasing it and I assure you he wont be chasing me. Why would he? You should see him. Honestly, I kid you not. He can be with his pick of women and as I said, I know that I am not his usual type of girl.

Yep, he's beautiful. He's more beautiful than I am and he knows it. In fact, he's more beautiful than most people and he knows it.Physically he's flawless - and although this is very nice to look at - you know, like a piece of artwork, for me, it's not real... it's the stuff of fantasy. So perhaps, after 2 exquisite nights, that's where this guy should be kept. In a box marked 'delicious' and I should throw away the key. hahaha!!! :O)