Sunday, 4 July 2010

I have a Crush.

I have a crush. A silly, pointless, childish crush. Now, in my opinion a crush is absolutely wonderful if:
A) you are attached or the person you lust after is attached, and it remains purely in your mind.
B) it is distant and causes no stress or obsession in ones mind.
c) if you're both single and there is a possibility that something more could happen.

My crush lands in none of the above categories. I told you it's a silly, pointless, childish crush.
Now, my post from yesterday may be more clear to you.
My usual MO is:
I find someone I find irresistibly attractive. I don't do mediocre; burning desire or nada. I usually know beforehand that the guy I fancy is single and I let them know that I'm interested. HE then must make the first move, (I'm an old fashioned girl, OK!) and unless I've made a quick assessment that a potential liaison will only be about nookie - (in this situation I don't mind instigating the next step) then something begins.

In this instance. My current target - ( 'target'! that's funny!) is in a relationship. Damn him!
He told me this very early on yet I have indulged myself in numerous email exchanges with him. Why? I don't know. Damn me!
I'm behaving as though I am desperate and can't find a single man. I'll have you know, my friends that I could actually find a single man right now, thank you! I know numerous, but I am not interested in any men that I already know. Not even S. I can't be arsed with that situation. I've made my mind up. We're friends and that's it. If you read this S - sorry sweetheart.

If I was attracted to any of the single men I know right now - I'd be with one of them.

I haven't kissed the guy I'm talking about here. For ease, I shall call him Viking. Nothing tangible has happened between us. Oh, and I won't be telling you anything about him whatsoever, sorry loves. Nothing. It's not fair/correct and he's very, very private, understandably. I am just letting you know that I seem to have lost my mind over a totally unobtainable man.

I told Viking I was feeling stressed about my feelings towards this situation and towards him. Yep - I have FEELINGS. How lame is that!? It's gone beyond me simply thinking that he's hot - I am now feeling something - and that something is lust. And lots of it. I am human: fallible and lustful. Altho it's lovely to feel this, it's annoying that Viking is taken and I can't do anything with him. Well, I could and if I'm to be really honest - I really, really want to. But I won't push this. It wouldn't be fair. In fact, it would be wrong. Wouldn't it? Yes, Clare it would. Hmmm...

Women are such vital, vibrant creatures who carry much power - and honestly, sometimes I feel sorry for men, cos sometimes if a man wants to do something or not - sometimes you've just gotta give in to us, right..?
Ladies, you know when you have your mind is set on something or someone and you insist that you WILL get what you want? You become single minded. And let's face it when that focus kicks in, the guy doesn't stand a chance of resisting. Poor bugger. But I believe that a woman must pick and choose very carefully on whom to impose her 'female-ness'.

I stomped my feet yesterday and told Viking that we can't have any more contact. He was disappointed as I was and he asked me what will make me happy. I know what will make me happy ... What makes anyone happy when they want something or someone that they cannot get?

a) freedom from the situation.
b) getting what they want.
Nuff said.