Thursday, 13 May 2010

Last night I went on a date.

Hello – I haven’t been here for a few days. You know why? Yep,‘cos my head’s been up my bottom! The past days have been an odd period of instability over here, in this bizarre vortex that I call my life. Fuck.
So, you all know that my book was published? And you know about the radio interviews etc. Well, I’m not breathing another word about it ( for now.) It’s out there. Y’all know it is, so, ce ca.

I’ve heard and spoken so much about it during the past few days and I’ve experienced so many mixed emotions that I’m bloody worn out.

OK, here’s a smidgen of gossip for ya:
I went out last night... err, with a guy. He took me to a Lebanese restaurant and we had a great night. Well, it was good - but he talked, and talked and talked. He’s very passionate about life and his ambitions, dreams, everything. I’d certainly give him credit though, he’s interesting. But you know something, amigos? This guy showed me how intense I must come across sometimes to other people.
I’ve realised that all I want is a little physical contact, kissy kissy, sniffy sniffy. You know, that primal stuff. I want to feel the heat of another body. But! But! But! For sure, I am not fit to be in a relationship...

I feel a bit paranoid writing this, ya know. Silly I know. But I’d blumming keel over with embarrassment if the guy read this. I decided after listing to him talking at length that he would potentially be a bit needy, and I just can’t handle feeling any sense of romantic responsibility towards a bloke right now. I can’t do it. He's really nice, he is, but since I left him he's called me a few time, although I've only picked up twice and we've exchanged a few texts. At the moment, my priority is being the best friend I can be, and the only man I am willing to make an effort with for the moment is my daddy.
I’m going to see him tomorrow. I’m going north for the weekend and I can’t wait. I need a break. I need to get outta dodge for a few days.

I met with the girl who I am mentoring earlier this evening. She’s really lovely.
I’m excited about being there for her, if she wants me to be. It’s gonna be good, I can feel it.