Friday, 1 January 2010

Another Fresh Start

Blimey, what a fabulous few days full of surprises!
I went to see daddy and his wife yesterday and had New Year with them. Blue met me from the train this afternoon and I went back to his place for a late lunch and some sweet lurrrving, and now I’m back home.

I’m very pleased that I have passed the 40,000 word mark on the first word-dump of UnHooked, so that is great progress, for me! I’ve really struggled to get cracking with this second book. In fact I’ve wondered at times if I can indeed write it at all. But, currently, I’ve got some fire in my belly and while it’s smouldering, I need to tap into it and stoke it - get a flame burning.
I’m feeling a smidgen more confident with what I am trying to do with this book. I had lost focus for months, as you know. I’ve yapped on about UnHooked and done exactly zilch in recent weeks, until the other day when I worked until 5am. Night time is my best time to write. At least it was while working on Hooked – and again it seems to be this time round. Pity really, cos when I go back to work next week – working through the night will be impossible.

Anyway, my friends, Blue and I are back ON. Yeah sir ree! You heard it hear first amigos – it’s ON and I’m happy about this. He’s special. We have an intense connection which he tried to deny, due to fear and his insecurities. Poor boy couldn’t understand why I wanted to be with him when he has nothing. No money, no home of his own, no car, he’s only 18 months into his recovery – but he is hugely intelligent, charismatic, interesting, gentle, sexy, focused and his soul is one that I have known for eternity. That’s what I think anyway – sounds like bollocks? I don’t think so...
Our month apart made him realise that he wanted us to work out and that he had to at least try to let go of some of his insecurities and trust that who I say I am – I actually am. The way I behaved seemed ‘ too good to be true’ apparently. That’s quite nice to hear isn’t it?
After he trawled through my emails (without me knowing it) that was the final seal to help him understand that I am genuine. I wasn’t up to mischief. I am loyal. I am only focused on creating a career for myself and I don’t fool around or treat people like idiots just because they can’t see me during every moment of every day. I care more about Blue’s security than my privacy. Maybe that’s wrong – but what the hell... Some times, I believe, one must do whatever it takes. As long as it doesn’t directly undermine or damage ones self esteem.

So things are feeling alright in my camp. In fact better that alright. I’m pretty good – the past few days have been exciting. There is a shift in Blue which is lovely and I appreciate it – but as I’ve said before I don’t easily lose my mind over these things. Yes, I’m passionate and when I decide to give myself to someone or something I put full energy and love into it – but I’m not a mug – uh-uh... nope. And I’m always aware that despite how much love I feel – there are millions of people in this world. If things don’t work with the one I’m with – then I will meet another, at some point. Blue knows this and he also knows that I want him. Although he feels that I’ve relaxed a little. Maybe I have. I always did want to be with him – but the difference now is that he accepts that if he doesn’t give me a high priority position in his life, then he can sod off and get on with it without me.

So, my loves 2010 is here! Yippeee! I’m very excited about this year. This is the year that I’m going to work my arse off in order to make 2011 a dream of joys that I can’t quite imagine will happen to me.
We all have the gift of 12 very precious and fresh months to make the most of. Each month goes by so quickly, there is no time to waste. Each week within that month is a passing set of days with potential to plan, think, execute foundations for your goals. Every day within that week is time to build, love, give, create, enjoy and be grateful that you have another hour to become better than you were in the previous one.
I wish you all genuine happiness and at the least contentment; but contentment is happiness, right? Well, it is in my life. Peace, is happiness, for me. Peace = contentment in the land of Gee. If it is or isn’t or if I’m talking poop, it doesn’t matter. I wish you smiles – and plenty of them!

By the way: Word for January – We’ve relegated ‘Poo’ and now it’s all about ‘ Poop’ – you like?? I do too.