Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Meaning Business & No Tengo Prisoners.

Right – I am sharpening my axe, taking no prisoners and I’m ready for combat; with myself. I’ve stepped into my armour. Decisions have been made, this is my assault rifle – and now I’m ready for whatever comes my way.
Be warned people. When I get like this, I hold nothing back. I will eliminate any clutter, any junk that is not beneficial to my life, and the excess baggage will be eradicated. I will re-instate hope for myself, in the form of taking back control of my life.
Right this moment, I’m biting into a big chunk of Gee pie and adding lashings of Selfish gravy. I’ve heard it can taste delicious in moderation. But only in moderation, mind; it has a tendency to make one choke on the said pie, otherwise.

I’ve given enough.
I will not tolerate any more loose ‘devotion,’ or armchair affection from Blue. I am de-cluttering my world, and making room for me. This will allow peace into my mind.

“If nothing changes, nothing changes.” Oh so , very, very, very true. And as Marilyn Monroe said: ‘ Something’s gotta give’.. and something has been giving: me, me, me, me, me.

And now, from today, from this moment, I have stopped. I can’t do it anymore. More to the point – I don’t want to.
I am alone on this planet. There is just probably one person who I can truly rely on and that’s not my dad or my man. I have to put myself first yet again because my investment is not being nurtured. It is being taken, with so very little interest given back, that the investors are querying their stake.

I hate the idea of being with a man who cannot support me, emotionally or any other way. I give so much. I need to be supported as no doubt he would need to be at times, and I just don’t get this from the one I’m with.

Bottom line?
I’m increasingly fed up, bored and I need to resume putting myself before Blue. That’s what I’m going to do - remind myself that this is MY life. I am most important in my life since I have no children.

So, I'm gonna take evasive action to de-clutter my world and my surroundings before I actually start drowning in this. And then, I hope this will enable me to clearly see where I am going.