Sunday, 29 November 2009

I Got Dumped.

I’m home after spending a beautiful weekend with my dad. Not only my dad, but his wife, her son, his wife, their baby boy, her other son, his girlfriend, her daughter, my uncle and my aunt – who is reassuringly mad as a hatter. May God bless her.
Yesterday was dad’s 80th birthday. They set it all up at their house, really nicely. Tables were loaded with glasses, cutlery, party poppers, starters, wines, fancy little trinkets. We ate like crazy, they drank like enthusiasts, and there was only myself and the 9 months old baby that remained sober. Great innit.
We had such a laugh. Not only the baby and I, no – all of us. We had fun, jokes all around, my uncle did an Elivs impersonation, wearing a wig and glasses with sideburns attached to their arms. He had cape and back-up music. My step-ma was hilarious. She usually is when she’s tipsy. Thankfully no one started bickering, despite my father being a devout Atheist and my aunt and uncle ( his brother) being born again Christians. They’re not anal puritans they’re simply a fun loving couple who go to church and like to get sloshed.
In fact my uncle couldn’t be more different to my father if he tried to be. No insults were flung across the table, until I asked for some salt. Oops. I insulted the chef it seemed. But thankfully in a lighthearted manner. Believe me – I’ve done this in by-gone days and it’s genuinely cast a dark cloud over proceedings. It seemed as though I spoke for the masses at that time, though.
All in all it was rowdy, fun, and we laughed non-stop. All very relaxed. I love that. It makes me realise just how much I don’t know my dad. We just don’t know each other.
But as I was leaving today, they said I must go and visit more frequently. I will.
For his presents, I bought my dad a book about the developing world, which I knew he’d appreciate. And a card with 100 quid in it so he could buy two senior citizen train tickets, so they can visit London for a weekend. They’re thrilled. I’ve No idea when they will come - that’s up to them but I love to spoil them.

As you may know, Blue and I are no more. It’s over. I’m not going to elabroate on this. I can tell you that on Friday (when we finnished over the phone), I cried, begged, questioned, cried and begged some more. I don’t deal with pride in these situations. I still wanted us to be together, so why not? I behaved in a natural manner; natural for me anyway. I felt like begging, so I did. All that stuff about doing that being a lack of self-esteem is bollocks. I am honest about my feelings at all times.
I call me begging him to re-consider, Humility. And humility is something which I admire (probably) above all things. It is something that I try to practice in any situation. I find it freeing and it’s good for my spirit, so now, I won’t beg or cry or question any more. I know I won’t, 'cos I've done what I wanted to do at the time. I won't hang onto something which isn't there and anylise anything. There's nothing to anylise.
That’s not from a stance of anger – It’s just my way. I did my utmost to clarify that there is no way back, at the time of it finishing, and then, that’s it. I tried. I’m happy that I did, but like Pontious Pilot – I have washed my hands.

Right now I don’t have major feelings about it.
I’m here. I’ve got lots to do, and so what?
The relationship was fun while it lasted. I have no hard feelings whatsoever toward Blue. He’s a good egg, he really is...and I wish him well. I'm not in a strop with him and I dont' regret anything. Why would I? I behaved decently and honestly while we were together.
But now, it’s time to begin a new chapter... and I got a feeling it’s going to be an exciting one...