Monday, 7 September 2009

Bigging myself up! And what !?

My current mood:

Well, I’m happy, what can I say?
Yep. Happy. That’s me.
I am no longer in a hell hole trapped by myself with no knowledge of how to get out of my plight. Right now, I can’t even imagine how I had the balls to claw my way back from the pendulum that was virtual insanity and delusions of grandeur while floating around chis bars in London. Both the same thing, maybe?

I have to admit I feel sorry for the poor suffering woman that I became - but you know something? Today, today it’s all different. And you know something else? I’VE. GOT. A. FUCKING. BOOK DEAL!!!!
Arrrrrrggghhhhhhh!!!!!!! I’m SO fucking happy! I could scream right now!
The penny has only just dropped today that this IS happening. It hadn't hit me until today. Seeing the book on websites made it real. People can order it already before publication!!

I am realising a dream of mine. I am doing this. I am living my dream. Right now. Here. Sharing this with you. I shared it with Blue, L, HD,KS,K,MD,Sexless oh and some people on my non-pseudonym Facebook page... but I didn't show them the cover... Most people don't know about my past.
I emailed Sexless the book cover. I didn't know how he'd respond, but thankfully, and I should have guessed, he'd be gentile and discreet about the obvious content. He only gave me love and congratulation. No raised eyebrows.

I may be broke and I have none of what society deems as trappings of ‘success’, but I tell you what I do have. I HAVE A BOOK. A book I wrote alone. A good book at that!
I coudl barely believe it when I saw Hooked on various websites today.
This is truly incredible. This is a miracle. I kid you not – at one time I literally couldn’t start and finish making a cup of tea. I had the concentration of a Nat and the patience of an SS guard. Unless, that is, I was on a mission to score drugs.

I don’t want to plaster the details of the book cover etc on here yet – I haven’t had authorisation from the publishers that I can. I’m sure I can, I just want to respect the fact that this is now their gig and I must do things in the manner that they wish.
I have to say however big headed this post sounds (I don’t really care)I am very fucking proud of myself. I did it. I did it. I did it.

If any of you think I’m being arrogant – you don’t know me, but it’s OK, think what you like amigos. People that do know me and especially If they know from what I’ve come from, you will know that this is a major coup and I deserve to big myself up; for one night only.

Thank you all for allowing me the confidence to be brave enough to test the water here, with honesty about my past. Thank you for giving me such a warm reception free of ridicule and judgment.
Like I said the other day Cuddles R US and I’m dishing them out liberally tonight...

There. Did you feel that? I just squidged a cuddle onto you...