Thursday, 3 September 2009

7 Reason For & Against Living with Someone

I have lived alone for most of my adult life. I think I love it. I say I do – I’m sure I do. In fact, I do. Sometimes I would love to live with someone, but most of the time I wouldn’t.

Reasons for living alone:

1. I can ‘use’ the whole space I have. I can leave thing in unconventional places. Things do not need to have a ‘home,’ and they do not need to permanently reside in that place. Like now. I have the ironing board in the sitting room after I used it in here this morning. If I wanted I could keep it here for eternity. I could be 80 years old and still the ironing board could be staring at me while I’m sitting on the sofa. And who’s going to say anything? Exactly. No one. Well, they can, but I wouldn’t feel obliged to move it.

2. I can fart in peace. If you think that sounds disgusting and your nose is curling up – you haven’t smelt it yet, so steady on! Don’t tell me that you don’t do it. I know you do.

3. I can ignore any phone calls without having to justify why I am doing it. Not that my phone rings off the hook. Far from it. But the very few calls I do get – I often ignore. I’m just unsociable and I dislike talking on the phone. Of course any friends that are reading this, Note: this does not apply to you. God, no. It’s the others.

4. I can plonk myself in the middle of the bed and no one will say jack. They won’t even say my name. They won’t prod me, huff and puff or try to roll me to the side of the bed. Or better still, (for them) off the bed all together. The reason? There’s no one there. No one. Just me.

5. I can leave food in the fridge to grow legs if that’s what I wish to do. If a once healthy vegetable has miraculously managed to buy itself a fur coat – I don’t need to feel inadequate or a failure as a woman. Now, I’ve lived with a couple of men who have been proactive and split the household duties with me. And still, when something is secretly rotting in the back of the fridge ( because its been forgotten about) and they bring it to my attention, why is it with an accusatory tone? Why do I still feel guilty regardless that there are two adults in the house who share responsibility for keeping everything in order?

6. I can be generally as untidy as I wish. I don’t have to dust every few days ( or however often one is supposed to dust). I don’t have to keep all my clothes tidily in my wardrobe. I don’t actually have to do anything except keep myself clean ( that’s pleasurable, not a chore) and make sure I look beautiful every day , oh, and give good head. That soon shuts them up.

7. I can graze on food. I don’t have to have a ‘proper’ meal every goddam day. I don’t have to feel as though I am failing my partner if I don’t cook at least 3 times a week or that I’m being excessive or lazy if I eat out the same amount. At home alone I can nibble, snack and leave the washing up until....well, whenever I feel like doing it.

Reasons for living with someone.

1. Sometimes they do the cooking. I can sit back , try to break wind silently and wait for the magic words: ‘Ooh I need to let it stand for 2 minutes before I zap it again to make sure that it’s really hot’. Wonderful.

2. They will help tidy the flat and keep everything in order. At least this way I am not left to do everything. I just need to remember that picking up towels which can be found literally anywhere in the house is always my job.

3. Some times the guy will hand me my phone when it’s ringing and tell me that it’s a ‘friend’.
“Ok fine. Just leave it. I’m not going to talk to them now” I’ll say, then I can nestle my head back in his lap while I continue watching TV with a full tummy and warm glow.
“Why don't’ you want to speak to her? She’s your friend”
“I know she is” Well, she’s actually an acquaintance, I’m thinking, but I can’t be bothered to go into all that.
“Speak to her then.”
“Just put the phone down babe. I’m comfy and I can’t be bothered right now.”
He then tuts and goes back to stroking my hair and we lie there for the rest of the evening in silence, knowing that if either of us really wants to speak to someone, we’ve got each other .... ahhh...

4. Sometimes it’ll be cold in bed and we can both lie in the middle of it without either party complaining.

5. *It’s nice to share ones life, enjoyments, loves, passions, hopes, human-ness with another person. That is when i feel most alive; sharing my thoughts, feelings and being offered the gift of theirs too.

6. You’re in it together. In what? Well, I would hope pretty much everything. See above*

7. Daily kisses and cuddles. Not sex, necessarily. That daily physical connection, or even just physical contact can only be healthy. Particularly if there is a connection and it’s reciprocated. A baby does not grow up emotionally healthy, and apparently they often have learning difficulties if they are not given lots of cuddles.

Cuddles matter. Cuddles rule. I love cuddle. Cuddle R US.