Friday, 17 July 2009

No rest for the Wicked or the Good, it seems.

Trying to turn my journey of recovery from drugs and alcohol into a book that makes sense is not easy. There is just so much to addiction that keeping things clear is tricky, but I must plod on. Trying to get the psychological confusion of the addict across to the reader isn't easy.
I know James Fray did his thing with his book - but I'm not following his lead.

While I wait to hear about Hooked, I need to continue writing. If I don’t write, I don’t know what to do with myself. That may sound ridiculous, but you see I feel I have years of catching up to do. I messed up for so many years. So inbetween chasing boys I must focus hard.

S. text me today to say that he is going to stay with his sister until Sunday. He’s been finding it difficult to deal with the guilt he feels about the breakup of his relationship. I’m not going to comment on that. What he does is his affair. I have to admit I am disappointed I wont be seeing him over the next couple of days... In fact, ‘disappointed’ is too strong a word. I feel...

OK, this is how I feel ... Sigh a light sight then immediately focus on something else. There. That’s the feeling I have about not seeing S.

Anyway, Monday I am starting a job... and later in the same week there is something happening with the first book. (Please excuse me for not being more specific about this at the moment, I just don’t want to make a fuss. There is no need – yet.) I am hopeful for the near future and I am aware how rewards come from application. I’m also aware that by saying that I am turning into my father.
Today was lovely. I spent it with a woman who I don’t know well. I told you that I went to see Avenue Q with her a couple of weeks back. We spent the afternoon in Covent Garden, had lunch, coffee and I bought a few trinkets which I shouldn’t have bought really, but I don’t feel guilty. They’re lovely: A couple of gorgeous Bracelets, some Mac concealer, Mac cream blush, and lots of knickers. I love pretty knickers. Knickers are nice... (I sound like Borat now, not my father.)

Unless really needed I try to avoid wearing a bra. I will have to when I start work. And that’s only if I wear a shirt. I find bras feel restrictive and my boobs feel too high on my chest when I wear one...

Right my friends I must get back to tapping away at UnHooked and I’ll catch you tomorrow.
By the way: The Photographer just text to see if I wanted to do something?
Do something?

You know...Go out? Watch a dvd..?
Err, call me old fashioned but just cos I live in a cosmopolitan city does not mean that I am up for going out at past 10pm.
Yeah, Ok, at one time, may be. But now... Once I’m in, I’m in, forget it but thanks for the offer.