Wednesday, 3 June 2009

Pleasing Men

I’m about to attempt to straighten my hair. It’s a bloody pain in the bum to do – but I must try before this wedding on Friday. It’ll take two rounds of hardcore work to get it looking really sleek. Boring.

I’m usually never too concerned with things like this. I’m all about the natural look. I wonder if some of it is laziness or just because I don’t think excess grooming is necessary. As I’ve said before I rarely wear make-up and enjoy allowing my skin to be bare. The idea of clogging my pores with foundation every day is not for me.

Until recently I’ve worn coloured varnish on my toes nails, for years, but Dee can’t stand it. I don’t understand why. So, after nearly a year of ignoring him and continuing to do my own thing I decided to give him what he likes - my toe nails, natural.

Some men might ask me to wear a latex catsuit with a zip in the crotch or maybe even they’d like to see me polishing a table, wearing a frilly white apron and 6 inch heals. But my boy gets off on me having natural toe nails.
It’s no biggie, really, I don’t mind too much. I mean, if he wanted me to go without deodorant or to let my underarm hair grow that would be a step too far (I think.)

Throughout my life I have always done things to please the man I’m with – and the small gesture of me continuing to paint my toe nails has been a personal challenge to not continually do things for my boyfriend, just because it makes him happy.
When I think about the number of times that a guy I’ve been with has said something about liking this or that or thinking my hair would look nice shorter, or a different colour, or he likes women who wears blah,blah – the next day I’ve gone out and done it.

Another example of this are my tattoos. I really like them.
I’m really happy I got them so please don’t misunderstand me - but one thing I didn’t mention before was the instigator – Dee. He didn’t know it at the time but when he told me that he finds a tattoo on a woman sexy ,my ears pricked up. Two days later I was in the tattoo parlour making it happen.

If I heard another woman say she changes herself to please a man, I would probably think that the guy she’s with is a control freak. That, or she has little self esteem.

‘Coquettes know how to please, not how to love, which is why men love them.’ said French playwright Pierre Marivaux. Maybe this is me – and based on that perhaps that’s why I was so good at my job as a hooker.

Whatever the reason I do it pleasing a man is a pattern of behaviour which I’ve certainly learned from an early age. I was obsessed with pleasing my father as I grew up. In fact it’s only in the past year or so that I’ve relaxed with seeking his approval – and since I’ve eased off I’ve become happier with myself.

Maybe that should tell me something...