Saturday, 2 July 2011

I change like British weather.

I've been in a weird mood during the past few days. I've logged off facebook cos i was getting, well, moody with people who think they 'know' me but who actually don't. What I say on facebook or any other medium does not mean you know my M.O.
I dont know always know myself for God's sake. But I can assure you of this - i know myself a damn sight better than youse know me. I sometimes say things for the hell of it. Sometimes, especially when I'm involved with a man, I can express a sentiment and at the time I'm thoroughly genuine and then within days - poof - its changed. I'ts just how i am. I am intense, real and can be flaky. I need to be stoked regularly to maintain my enthusiasm for anything outside of my work, and if this happens I can be as passionate and full-on and loyal as I am with towards what m trying to create for myself. But if I'm not kept stoked it's no skin off my nose if my feelings alter or not.

I'm so changable why presume you can predict how I think or operate from one day to the next?
Jesus.It's men that get on my nerves most with this over presumtious opinions. I never react the same towards women. Women just never get me as irate as know-it-all guys.
I guess perhaps its partially to do with women interacting with other women with less bluntness. And aside from that, it takes me longer to trust a man and his motives for anything. Whatever, anyway... its not important, for now.

So, my friends, my next book has now gone to its new home. It's gone and although that is thrilling it is also a little sad. But sadness, I can deal with.

Now, onward! I don't stop. Or if i do i try not to for long. I have so much to do. I was thinking earlier today when i was lounging in the bath, will i ever meet a man who is as driven and ambitious as I am? I'm sure there are many out there but sadly for me, Ive been wasting precious time with work-shy dreamers.

Are most people living day to day with no serious planning about what they need to do next? Or indeed, if they do think about what they want to create in their life, do they actually focus enough and sacrifice what they need to in order to get shit done?

i used to think that life would happen regardless of anything. If it was 'meant to be' it would just happen. And this would remain the same with minimal or not effort from my side. How naive. I no longer think that way and I realise that good things happen with determination and single mindedness. Bad things or depression happen by doing nada.

That's only how i see it. Maybe your experience of life is different.

hey ho... based on this i've just booked a holiday. One week alone in the sun so I can work, work and work, with no distractions. An empire doen't build its self it seems.

ViVa life!