Saturday, 16 October 2010

The greatest escape.

I am in pain. Heart wrenching, all encompassing pain. I feel isolated. I met Blue. I felt his love,felt rejection, felt his pain and felt his compassion. Initially i was stoic, later I broke down.I sat on the floor, in a corner with my legs tucked under me, as I did as a five year old when mummy left me.

My child like search for love has ended in suffering. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and wanted to scream and scream and scream.
However untrue, I feel alone on this planet and at times such as this i feel my demons are beckoning me.
I will take a short break from here while I regroup. My thoughts are getting unhealthy and I'm beginning to mistrust the potential of my feelings.

I yearn for the deepest and longest of sleeps. The perfect escape, free of dreams, free from this pain and free from the constant question - why? why? why?

..... well, why not? And still, this reality brings no comfort.