Monday, 27 September 2010

Yorkshire Blue.

Hello amigos.
How the heck are ya, eh? Me, I'm feeling odd, you probably already know that. I feel harassed, temperamental, tense, fed-up... Shall I go on? OK then, I will... I've also been feeling despondent, headachy and ...

Oh God, it's wearing me out all this negative twaddle.


I had a gorgeous weekend in the Yorkshire. Relaxed, scratched my arse and did very little.

Blue and I are just as much of a farce now as we ever were. We're very different people and that's that. He's very difficult to understand, for me and I wish he'd make things easier for us. I've got barriers up. I'm joining him. Now we both have them up. Yep, I know - see how far that gets us. This isn't a strategy on my part and neither is it on his. It's just how it is.

There are no plans for a future together and as he frequently reminds me he's an 'individual'. You'd think I'm asking him to carry me on his shoulders while he wades down the length of the Amazon. His lack of communication and unemotional persona is boring me. I love him, I do, but ... I feel my energy zapped when I'm around him because he is so - what's the word...? On a plateau. He has little zest and excitement for much. I'm more bubbly than this and I feed off his subdued spirit and it makes me unhappy.

All I want is a companion. Someone who loves me and I love them with whom I can enjoy life. Oh, I don't know...
I'm sick of hearing my own voice trying to encourage him to do liven up. Either he doesn't want to be like that around me or it's not in his nature to be upbeat. Whatever his reasons for his demeanour that's his business. If i say something he accuses me of complaining.

So now I'm not saying anything. Not a word.