Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Hooked on Hooked

Please forgive my absence. I have been on the verge of cracking up over here, nothing else really going on, just a bit of madness, that’s all...

I’ve slept approximately 6/7 hours over the past couple of days. It’s all been about the book. I work on Hooked with the same vigour I used to take drugs. That means I use every ounce of passion I have. And believe me, that’s a lot of passion.

Anyway, today I was at my lovely temp job and I thought I was going to crack up. I was emotional, I wanted to cry, I was desperate to sleep and I wanted a cuddle.I simply have not relaxed for a moment over the last 2/3 days.
If I’m not staring at the effing laptop, I’m constantly obsessing about the book. When I met Dee, that marked my first long break from Hooked since I started writing it. And at that time I wasn’t working, my life consisted of eating, sleeping ( alone) and my laptop. I hadn’t been involved a relationship for a while – I couldn’t afford the time or the energy.

So, once Dee and I got together I took a 2/3 month ‘break’ from the process of completing the book. I had already done the first ‘word dump’ as a friend of mine describes it and it was a conscious decision to get involved with Dee. I’d actually met him nearly 7 months before, but had not got involved in anything because of the book. That is not like anything I’ve done before. My life has always revolved around lust. But like I keep saying – I’m on a mission with Hooked.
After Dee and I had established our thing, (albeit shambolic) my obsession with writing took over yet again. This made me question if I could actually manage to stay with him while doing this book. (I will not allow anything or anyone to disturb my focus on this, harsh as that may seem.)

My second substantial ’break ‘ came when I started temping again. The process of going into an office daily and being around people has done me a lot of good. I’ve learned many lessons about myself. One, being, whatever I choose to do – I must always take breaks, because whatever I choose to do – I am likely to be obsessive about it. I haven’t learned the art of balance, just yet. I have not been so single minded about anything other than using drugs and drinking, before I found my current purpose in my life - writing Hooked. Writing this book has enabled me to splurge some of my excessive mind activity and focus it on something worthwhile, as opposed to trying to kill myself by using chemicals.

Oh, by the way: yesterday the agent asked me to write a synopsis for the book. This sounds very promising. I have an inkling, but it’s only a feeling, that, this may mean that the draft we have just finished working on – is the final one.
I don’t count my chickens before they hatch... So, like I say – it’s just a feeling. Time will tell. A power that is Greater than me will decide what happens next. All I can do is just keep trying... keep plodding on.

Every day, just keep going. As Winston Churchill said : “ Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, give up”
Amen to that.