Tuesday, 3 March 2009

le wicked step mother has an attack

“I’ve been in hospital for the past week - I’ve just come out today. I had a heart attack,” were the first words spoken by Elaine, my step-mum yesterday evening when I answered their phone call.

Right. Let me get this straight.

I haven’t heard from my dad and Elaine for over two weeks, cos they were sulking about the fact I hadn’t given them a concrete date when I would go to Yorkshire to visit them. And here I am, being told by the family they try and encourage me to feel a part of which didn’t bother to inform me, that the matriarch of the said so-called unit has just had a heart attack.

OK...well, I don’t really know what to say. Of course I made all the right noises on the phone when speaking to them.
But to be truthful, I felt irritation.
She sounded completely normal. Her usual self... does someone sound well, 7 days after a heart attack?
I don't know...
This whole debacle illustrates the oddity of those two people, my dad and Elaine. Part of me thinks it’s a major exaggeration, another part of me is bewildered at their peculiar ways - you know, not telling me a little thing like my step-mum has had a heart attack... And another part of me, I have to say has grinned the couple of times I’ve mentioned this event to people today. It’s ludicrous. It typifies them and how crap relations have been between us since I was 17.
It confirms to me how weird and out of touch they can be. Of course I’m shocked and I wish le step-parent well; of course I do – but what the fuck is that all about? Not telling me?

And before you say it ‘It was not done not to worry me.’
They’re just fucking odd.

I promptly told my dad that if anything ever happens to him like that and I am not told about it I will hold the wicked step-mother responsible, and I will not be pally with her no more. My dad is nearly 80. I want to know if he’s ill for Christs’s sake. Not unreasonable.

Since passing down the law of Gee to papa I’ve realised that I actually wouldn’t mind being exempt of any guilt feelings of responsibility towards his wife when he was no longer around. That’s awful, isn’t it? But it’s true. I’ve been - to coin an expression from Withnail and I... I’ve been an awful cunt at times through my life –especially to Elaine, but I can assure you they’ve given me a good run for my money with their retaliation, which usually was dished out in the form of complete silence. We managed over two years at one point.

Elaine and I have only been able to chat without a sheet of ice dividing us for the past, maybe, three years. Bloody hell – My relationship with her, and as a result with my dad, (who will only ever support his Mrs) has been utter hell. That’s another story – or fifty.

Look, forgive me – I must go for now.... I’ll come back later this evening and finish off the tale about dinner with Alex’s folks, like I said I would...... But for now, I want the lover to walk through the door and see my computer off. I’ve told you before he loves cuddles, and having his head stroked. He just loves attention and I don’t want him to feel neglected. He thinks my laptop is receiving more snuggles than he is these days..... aww..... he’s such a cutie - when he’s not moaning.