NOT AGAIN!

someone has to go, and that someone is me. later this year...

What a Shock !!!!

LIVE YOUR LIFE.

I've just been told of someone that I know well, who's 22 years old that died last night in an accident.

5 weeks ago this boy went abroad to begin work on production of his first film after finishing his studies at the LSE. And now, just like that, in an instant - GONE. I spoke to him last thursday and now --- I'm shocked.

Your life can be taken from you at any moment.
Show love to the people you claim to love, don't waste time on bullshit, and be grateful for what you have and not what you don't.

Peace.

original cool

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJlHiqxMrfI

don't shit on your own doorstep

Him: 'So you don't often have guys round at your flat, then?'
Me: 'Very rarely.'
Him: 'You don't have to try and sound like an angel, you know.'
Me: 'I'm not. I just don't normally shit on my own doorstep, that's all. I go elsewhere.'

this will make you snigger.

Daddy, Mummy and Me

' The feeling of arrival when my father’s pink padded shovels swept towards and then squeezed my body before hurtling me through the air and up to his face where his warm mouth pressed against my shoulder then my cheek, just before I buried my face in his shirt collar, was comparable to a baby drawing its first breath.

He spoke gobbledegook, patted my bottom, and saved me from my mother who now decided she wanted to kiss me. She never usually kissed me. My back was facing her; she ordered me to, ‘come’, but daddy didn’t let go. I was lowered just a little and mummy kissed my hair.

She spoke to me in Lozi her tribe’s language. ‘Do not bring trouble to your Master’s door.’

I ignored her and as daddy tick-tocked away and I clung onto his furry ears, she vanished. I was feeling higher than I’d been for some time. '

whatever!

... and WHAT???

My next book... have a look!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Unhooked-Rehab-London-Call-Girl/dp/1845967968/ref=pd_rhf_p_t_2

this is brilliant!

If you don't like this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXNPkhxnyn8

please don't tell me that you don't like this, for god's sake.
we can't be friends any longer if you say you don't like it... no, really ..

On the radio tonight.

I'm on BBC London radio tonight 94.9fm: The Jo Good Show @ 10pm

My new book's cover... take a look...

the proposal for the cover for my new book, UNHOOKED:













http://www.missygee.com
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

Sex

SEX : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v​=S0XVCSn8Mqc


‎'I will save your life... I'll try for you. i know what to say to take you higher, no one else can take higher, but i will try. i'll find a way...'

if you don't think this is filthy HOT, i just dont know what to say to you any longer

photo

this is where i am right now... writing.

http://www.missygee.com
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

love this -- take a look!

My facebook friend Tim, did this. It's brilliant! take a look... it's not rude, just nice:

http://www.brfreightways.com/index2/tim/clare.html

Pretty Boys and Holidays

I'm going abroad tmrw, alone on a writing mission for a week, and i've just been preparing to become the oddest guest of a small hotel.I intend to keep myself to myself so I can get maximum from this time away. Besides preparing to go away I've been tidying my flat cos I have a girlfriend from Yorkshire staying here for a few days while i'm away. I've haven't been particularly looking forward to going cos i know what i need to do when i get there and because of this I don't feel like I'm going on holiday. I'm going away, yep, to the sun, yep, but I'm gonna be working shit-loads. My plan is this: Snooze in the sun during the day and work through the night. Night time is my best writing time. I did the same thing last year in north Africa, and it was a really good for me. I did tons of writing, and after I'd got back home I realised that I had done some of my best work during that trip. I hope to God i get similar results this time. I'll definitely be on lock down when I'm there. No distractions. I'll purposely be miserable to any male staff, to ensure i get left alone. I can be militant like that when i want to be. I just hope there are no cute waiters in their twenties... Nah, I'm kidding, i'm not that susceptible to pretty boys. Not when I'm on a specific mission which does not include any kissy kissy. When I get tunnel vision there's no amount of beauty or charm or a combination of both, that will shift my focus.

Talking of which... as you may or may not know - I recently had a fling with a 26 year old boy. Yum. Alas, it's not more. It was intense and he's very sexy. Those two weeks were pretty hardcore. blimey. these boys are (well, some of them) mean business. love it! The fling is over in the manner it had begun, but i'm sure I'll see him again sometime in the future. Depending, obviously, on if either of us get distracted by other people before we get to that.

We shall see... but for now, the next week is all about writing. Fucking 'ell. this writing malarky's gonna kill me. I wish i had a boyfriend. An ongoing someone I'd like that. If I had a man - my ideal scenario would be that I go away, write like a demon and then he comes to meet me over there next weekend then we fly back together. Is that so much to ask?

Already I know I'll seriously need a good boning when i get back to release some tension. Er,, where's that boy....???





http://www.missygee.com
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

leaving town.

Tmrw i'm getting outta dodge. 7 nights in southern europe.
London? what's that? See my face .. not interested.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uIFISklvXY

a brief chat with a friend..

I just had this conversation with a friend in my office. He has just come up with a weird swelling on his leg.

Me: 'I reckon it'll need amputating'
Him: 'Do you want to do it for me?'
Me: 'I cannot inflict physical pain on someone.'
Him: 'But you used to in the past.'
Me: 'That was just mental anguish.'
Him: 'You pushed them around a bit, too'
Me: 'That's cos they paid me.'
Him: 'You're sick' ...


and then we laughed our heads off!

one guess..

http://www.missygee.com
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

gonna rock you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHUipyE1cQc

check this girl's face. she means every word.

no smoke without fire!

listen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rHNOTtShwM

Tuesday, July 12, 2011 at 12:04pm

First word: Obsession.

What do you think of when you hear this word? I think, instability, pain, ones peace – raped.

Obsession: noun. The domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.

So over the past week, I’ve been losing the plot. I’ve felt out of control, and I hate that. As soon as my feelings are getting influenced by the presence of another person - however normal this may be - I freak out. Silly, really... I’m just terrified of losing myself, losing control of my own emotions, my life to a degree. Im terrified of trusting someone to not hurt me.

Oh, and by the way: Don't feel weird about the word; obsession. It often has negative connotations but it's just a word, and I'm just sharing with you a part of me that is often prevalent, thats all. It comes and goes and come and goes. It's just how I am.
I can pin point where this recent speit of instability started... It’s all very clear...

I sent my book to the publishers 2 weeks ago, and then felt a bit at a loss, and then, like a gift from the heavens – drum roll -- I suddenly met a boy. And a delicious one at that. Now, I’m not at all ashamed to admit that I’m pretty susceptible to pretty boys. I’ve tampered with one or two over my lifetime. Especially those who are sweet, a little bit cocky, who are taller than me and who give good kisses. So, this is what’s happened over the last seven days.


I feel so much better today though, than I have done and I accept how I am however annoying my feelings can be at times.

Second word: Equilibrium. What do you think when you hear this word? I think, balance, happiness, contentment, peace.

Equilibrium: noun
1.a state of rest or balance due to equal action of opposing forces.
2.equal balance between any powers, influences, etc.; equality of effect. mental or emotional balance; equanimity.

I’m fucking trying to get there. ... That’s all I can do - try, and smile along the way as often as I can.

old times.

http://www.missygee.com

I suggest you listen to this..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYiahoYfPGk&feature=related

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way


Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
And you are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death


Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say


Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
And when I come home cold and tired
It’s good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells.

Hotpants!

got some Hotpant for my little tush and if truth be told I didn't believe that they'd help me to firm up my ass and hips. I just thought id try for the hell of it. And after less than a week, i actually cant believe that something good's already happeneing. woohoo!! have a look here if you wanna know what i'm banging on about.. http://www.facebook.com/myhotp​ants

Hotpants!

got some Hotpant for my little tush and if truth be told I didn't believe that they'd help me to firm up my ass and hips. I just thought id try for the hell of it. And after less than a week, i actually cant believe that something good's already happeneing. woohoo!! have a look here if you wanna know what i'm banging on about.. http://www.facebook.com/myhotp​ants

Press release about my 2nd book

for those of you who missed it the first time.
fill yer face.

http://www.thebookseller.com/news/mainstream-acquires-hooked-follow.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

'All you are to me is meat..' HOT.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjyGlgGdVpM

I'll stick you a little
Enough
To take your oxygen away
Set you on fire
'cos I'm on fire
...And I'm with you,
Alone,
I'm so into this whore
Afraid I might lose her
So forget about me
Because I'll stick you
Pushed back to square
Now that you've kneed her
In the throat
Well there you go
Cause back in school
We are the leaders
Of all so transpose
Or stop your life is what U do
All you are to me is meat
Now pass the flask

it is what it is

“Often I feel I need to go to some distant region of the world to be reminded of who I really am. There is no mystery about why this should be so. Stripped of your ordinary surroundings, your friends, your daily routines, your refrigerator full of food, your closet full of clothes – with all this taken away, you are forced into direct experience. Such direct experience inevitably makes you aware of who it is that is having the experience.”

Michael Crichton

a little obsession

listning to this on repeat... obsessive, i know... gonna start doing some work in a few minutes. She says.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SqHx5k_DlM

email me here: tell me what you think to the above song...

missy_gee@rocketmail.com

i think its pretty damn sexy. don't you? ahh, thought you would.

I change like British weather.

I've been in a weird mood during the past few days. I've logged off facebook cos i was getting, well, moody with people who think they 'know' me but who actually don't. What I say on facebook or any other medium does not mean you know my M.O.
I dont know always know myself for God's sake. But I can assure you of this - i know myself a damn sight better than youse know me. I sometimes say things for the hell of it. Sometimes, especially when I'm involved with a man, I can express a sentiment and at the time I'm thoroughly genuine and then within days - poof - its changed. I'ts just how i am. I am intense, real and can be flaky. I need to be stoked regularly to maintain my enthusiasm for anything outside of my work, and if this happens I can be as passionate and full-on and loyal as I am with towards what m trying to create for myself. But if I'm not kept stoked it's no skin off my nose if my feelings alter or not.

I'm so changable why presume you can predict how I think or operate from one day to the next?
Jesus.It's men that get on my nerves most with this over presumtious opinions. I never react the same towards women. Women just never get me as irate as know-it-all guys.
I guess perhaps its partially to do with women interacting with other women with less bluntness. And aside from that, it takes me longer to trust a man and his motives for anything. Whatever, anyway... its not important, for now.

So, my friends, my next book has now gone to its new home. It's gone and although that is thrilling it is also a little sad. But sadness, I can deal with.

Now, onward! I don't stop. Or if i do i try not to for long. I have so much to do. I was thinking earlier today when i was lounging in the bath, will i ever meet a man who is as driven and ambitious as I am? I'm sure there are many out there but sadly for me, Ive been wasting precious time with work-shy dreamers.

Are most people living day to day with no serious planning about what they need to do next? Or indeed, if they do think about what they want to create in their life, do they actually focus enough and sacrifice what they need to in order to get shit done?

i used to think that life would happen regardless of anything. If it was 'meant to be' it would just happen. And this would remain the same with minimal or not effort from my side. How naive. I no longer think that way and I realise that good things happen with determination and single mindedness. Bad things or depression happen by doing nada.

That's only how i see it. Maybe your experience of life is different.

hey ho... based on this i've just booked a holiday. One week alone in the sun so I can work, work and work, with no distractions. An empire doen't build its self it seems.

ViVa life!

super fly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHcyJPTTn9w

copy and paste

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mc7bSV3bGaQ&feature=related

Tonight: Radio Show

I'm on BBC Radio 5live @ 9pm TONIGHT; discussing single fathers, with single fathers OBVIOUSLY from the child's perspective. I was brought up alone by my dad. I'm not actually a single father myself. Surprise surprise... :O)

Model Citizen

From this day forth there will be no more mention of Mr 36 Hours. Forget him. Of course, if you're not on my facebook page you wont know what the hell I'm on about... not to worry 'cos there won't be any more mention of that interlude.
We've moved on! Thankfully, i have been blessed with fantastic powers of rejuvenation, so when i decide to jump ship I do it and accept the consequences. If indeed there are any. In this case, there won't be.

The Model - remember him? the Men's health cover boy. FIT. AS. HELL and a beautiful face. Yep, I'm shallow - and what? Well, he contacted me out of the blue yesterday. He's the guy I was with when i left my vibrator in the hotel room. Now, i know you remember that!! Oopsy. He's away at the moment for work and back soon which gives me just enough time to get my act together, send my book off, arrange a holiday and then do him, backwards, forwards, left, right, up, down, in, out shake it all about.

My kind of Sexy

a bit sexy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SqHx5k_DlM

Bitching - in bullet points.

This note will most be compromised of me bitching, and some pet hates. Both being the same thing, i guess.

Just some minor observations which turn my stomach as I get on with the daily business of living in London…

■I cannot stand those stupid stainless steel mug things that people carry on the train with their morning coffee inside.You know the ones. The bearer thinks they're really fukin busy yet organised and cool holding it. Whenever I see one I want to snatch it out of the hand of the carrier and pour the liquid - if indeed there's any even in there - over their head and tell them to stop being so fucking silly.
■If I see another man with a tie around his neck that hasn’t been tied I’ll tell him to either get a grip; get on the set of American Psycho, or I'll throttle him with it. Whats the point? This is 2011, not 1980 for crying out loud. Hmmph.
■A frequently asked question: ‘ Clare were you an escort?’ er, no, mate I’ve just got that sub-heading on the cover of my book for fun. Thought it’d be a laugh to say something which has not an ounce of truth in it.
■Another frequently asked question: 'do you mind if i ask you ...' Well, you're about to ask me anyway so why the hesitence? Just ask me politely don't pre-empt your question with 'do you mind if i ask you...' whats the point in that? fucking ask me, whatever it is you want to know and if you've over stepped the line I'll tell you to go away and if you just want to know something as simple as do i regret any part of my past - then just say, that and I'll tell you that i do.
■This isn't a frequently asked question - I'm asking myself this... Why do i swear so much? er, because I fucking like it. It makes me very fucking happy.
■Finally, another pet ate from the underground. People who are reading then lick their finger to turn the page. One question… Must you? I mean, really?
Please. Stop. Ok???


That’s it. Rant over. Now I’m getting into the bath before I get into bed. And if you don’t’ like any of my comments – suck my tits :O)




http://www.missygee.com

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

WARNING: pls read - toffee popcorn - CONNED

i feel totally disgruntled. I've been conned, mislead and taken for a ride. By who? By me. A few minutes ago I decided to get some toffee popcorn from my local shop. I rushed there excitedly knowing that this was going to be the finale to an other wise pleasant and restfull weekend. I arrived at the shop only to discover that the bastards don't have any. Instead, they have some very flashily packed ' sweet popcorn' which I've never seen before. I looked on the back cover and on the ingredients list there was no mention of toffee.

Hmm... 'Have you no toffee popcorn?' I asked the guy behind the till.

'That's all we have.' he said.

Right. I started to panic. I looked obsessively on the shelves and i still couldn't find my usual brand of popcorn so I bought this other one. I've rushed home, hoping at best it could be a poor imitation of the popcorn that i have become so devoted to, and at worst, some random sickly sweet offering that was sure to satiate my craving.
It is neither.
It's not even chuffing sweet. I'm very disappointed and feel totally duped. I've taken literally a palm full of the stuff to insert into my mouth at the same time to see if that makes it any more sweet. It doesn't. Now, my evening feels as though it will be a long and lonely one without the love I crave from my usual brand of popcorn. Things can only get better at least.

undercover lover

remember this? course you do...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQDxpyLVVQ8

Father Figure

'that's all i wanted...'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zfWiBYEV0k

fear death ?

'Why take the risk of death? Why not? There was an immense feeling of power attached to me being able to just keep going and going and going; taking myself to the very edge of death. If I survived, then I had an opportunity to play the game again.'

listen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo29MguGLds

'I'll take your oxygen away. Set you on fire, 'cos i'm on fire.'

the guys means business.

Men, Men, Men..

I'm a bit sad. My beautiful ex-boyfriend Dee (the guy before Blue) is not only upset with me since reading some of my blog, where he'd clearly read about me and the model in the hotel, but, now he's not talking to me at all ! We've always had contact during the 2/3 years that we've been apart. Oh dear. It's not good. I know what's happened -- he musta seen one of the dates I was with the model guy and then realised that I met him (Dee) one sunday afternoon for lunch the day after.

I know it doesn't sound too clever, but Dee and I are not involved in anything and we haven't been for absolutely yonks. But regardless he's taken umbridge (love that word.) I'm not wholly surprised by his response, but really...

Anyway, nothing i can do about it now. it's done. And whats more as he said himself, he shouldn't have looked at the blog. God, its not exactly like he's a monk or anything... He may be Jealous, but a Monk? No friggin way. He forgets that I know him.

So moving onto the model.
It's very unlikely that there will be any more antics. Don't ask why. I don't know. We're just not likely to get together again, and it feels right. For now. After last time I saw him last about 2.5 weeks ago it's gone quiet from both sides. No drama,nothing happened and I don't believe for a second that either of us is playing games. No need. This is just how it is.I think if there's a reason at all for us not contacting one another its possibly a combination of these two things:

1. He's met someone (hence him texting over dinner when i last saw him) who is keeping him occupied. It's good for him. Everyone like to spend time with someone they like and if there's a possible future in it, then even better.And even if it's just some fun, the guy deserves space to indulge himself in that and make himself happy.

2. He felt that I judged him.

I guess I have judged him. Around stuff concerning money. I like men who are ambitious. Hell, I like people who are ambitious, but one thing I cannot stomach is when that manifests on the side of 'greed'... i cannot tolerate greed.
He's a really nice fella, don't get me wrong, but there are elements of what he does and how he does it that make me think that money plays too big a role in his life, and I don't like that.

As I say time and again people reveal themselves and their true feelings about stuff all the time. It trickles out even if you don't intend it to and in this case, not only has it probably been trickling out but I told him out right that I am judgemental around this stuff and for me to say that to him, is not fair. Who am I to allow my judgements to cast a film over someone's way of life? No one. I have no right. Do i regret it? Nope. Even if that's the reason I wont see him again? absolutely. If I don't like something, or I don't feel comfortable with someone's lifestyle I can simply remove myself from a situation. It's no biggie. We aren't married and we don't have kids, so...

Moving on... The guy who stopped me on the underground.
As I said I would, I've ignored his texts. The thing was absolutely pointless. He's blatantly attached otherwise he'd have made a move sooner. No doubt. The way we met and the way we were together, we'd have seen each other again by now if he'd been single.

So, Scaramoosh! I say... A friend said: ' Whhhy?? keep in contact with him Clare!'

Why would i? For what? Yeah, he was good looking and we got on in those few exciting minutes that we spent nattering - but so what...?? i live in London for God's sake, not in a minuscule village where the prospects of meeting hot guys are limited. Why would i keep in touch with someone who was so tediously slow at communication?

Finally, amigos, the guy i told you about who lives abroad whom I met originally 5 years ago then again randomly a few weeks ago has gone back from whenst he came. We'll probably always keep in touch, in one way or another, and he'll always put a smile on my chops whenever i see his name spring up on my inbox and it's nice like that.

So, now what? Well, I've decided I need to expand my man portfolio.

But first my friends, I need to get my book as good as i can before the end of June when I need to deliver my final draft to the publishers. I'd better make it good. Everything is signed already.

Jesus, a girl's got work to do over here. I better get cracking!

In yo face!!

Their words: HOOKED is 'A fast-paced, roller-coaster story of a young woman's struggles with herself, her self-image and her addictions.
In Hooked, reformed addict Clare Gee draws on her own experiences of cocaine addiction, alcoholism and prostitution in telling the sensational story of a woman living on the edge.'

My words: 'It's not a glamourisation so watch yerself.'


And yes, you can also buy it on Kindle.

i'm smiling!

i'm a little bit excited!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOx81aG-EN4

Wicked Game

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oaHHrNQVrg

Weekend Antics.

I'm back in London after having spent the weekend in Yorkshire with HD - my honourary dad. I went up there mainly to buy him a laptop and to set him up with wireless internet etc. So as I'm sure you can imagine there was a number of tense moments since neither of us really knew what we were doing when it comes to technology. Anyway, I did my good deed and proudly got him online, eventually. It took 2 days, but we got there.

So while in Yorkshire I met with a guy whom I first met 5 years ago. I had a one night stand with this guy; my first time doing that soberly. This guy lives abroad in a tax haven in the middle of no where so it was never part of the deal to try and get involved in anything more that a mutually beneficial night-long liaison.
Somehow, and against all odds the two of us have kept in contact. Only periodically, but still we've managed it. Weird innit. I think so too.

So the other day this guy randomly text me to say that he'll be in Yorkshire during the same weekend as I was. What a coincidence. This has happened before but we've never met up. Sooo, my friends, after 5 years of not seeing each other -- we met up on sunday. What an afternoon. I'm not gonna say too much about it except it was fun, funny, and exciting. We kissed and stuff and the whole experience was surreal. He's as handsome as I remember him and I hoped to God I was how he remembered me. He was the one who when we first met was wearing beer goggles, not me. I wasn't drinking at all. Well, not alcohol.

'You look exactly the same as I remember you, except you've lost weight' he told me.We talked more than I remember us talking that first night and it was nice to get to know him better other than via texts.
God, the whole thing was funny and unusual. He's a right successful bugger it seems; and down to earth, sensitive, clever, funny and I like how he dresses. He's in his late thirties, own company, 6'2ish, and solid. His cuddles were strong but not suffocating and the way he touched my er, hands as we talked, was firmly. I like that. No messing.
I've no doubt that nothing will change between us. I don't want it to. It doesn't need to. We'll keep in contact and maybe see each other and repeat the escapades of the two times that we've met, in another 5 years ...

So, onward... I've had 2 texts from the random hot guy that stopped me on the underground last wednesday. I've decided that if he doesn't suggest that we meet this week, then I'm leaving it.There's no point to it otherwise. I'm not into texting a guy whom I don't know, without an end result in sight. In this case, meeting up for coffee or lunch or whatever.

We don't have to meet this week, but he needs to suggest that we do. If he doesn't, I shall take that as a lack of enthusiasm or a fear that he will get caught by the partner that he's denied having. If he does have a girlfriend he'd be better off coming clean about it , cos i wont hesitate to tell him about himself if I meet him and THEN he tells me he's with someone.

N.i.g.g.a play your position.

You're not special !

OK, let's break this down...

Me: 'So you definitely don't have a girlfriend?'
Him: 'I've got no one in my life.'

But I'm laying naked right next to you. So that's one person who is currently in your life. I'm not exactly a hollogram. And judging him by how he looks, he'll definitely be banging more than one woman so he definitely has people in his life.

I think there's a word missing here. I think he omitted the word 'special'.
Right. So that's how it is... I'm not special.
I'm not fucking special? Yes I am. I'm very special. Seemingly not to him, but I'm most definitely special.

'You look too deeply into things' He says when I question him.

'You know something? I don't. I respond. I'm just one step ahead of you - make that two since you don't even know it.

I could create a long list of my special attributes, but i'm not going to justify who I am. Instead when he calls again I'm just gonna walk on by...

On the radio

Tmrw - wednesday, 11th May I'm on BBC London radio 94.9fm @ 11pm. listen if you can, altho i know its late. You'll find it on i-player at a later date, if you prefer.

sex, watches, radio shows, and Barcelona

It’s been ages since I wrote a post. A fair amount has gone on since the last one. Kind of. A lot of Arrgh and haa! Also a fair amount of neurosis, lots of lack of sleep, a lot of plotting, scheming and thinking about my plans for world literary domination yet still I've done very little. Or maybe not. Maybe I've actually done quite a lot recently. I'm hard on myself quite often. ‘You worry a lot’ said the model, last night. Yep, I do. I also laugh a fuck of a lot, think ‘to hell with that/them’ more often than you may think, and I allow waves of elation to ripple over me due to excitement about what I know I can achieve in my life.
But yes, recent days have been immensely unsettled for me. For a few reasons but nothing I'm gonna mention.

What would I say to a friend who has been going through what I’ve been going through? Be nice to yourself, take a break, remember life isn't all about taking leaps forwards but sometimes small steps will get us more precisely to the place we wanna go. I'd say something like that, then I'd probably say: ‘ Have a bit of sex that'll release some tension.’

And so I did. Last night. With the model.
Yep, he's nice. He's nice. Not sure what else to say...could blab a bit, but I won't. So in a rare moment of taciturnity I shall remain silent on this matter. Needless to say I had a delicious time.

So as you may or may not know or remember - since I've haven’t written about it - I went to Barcelona with a friend recently. The friend was, and still is female and we had a fantastic time together for those few days. She's funny as hell and together we bounced off each other and a lovely time was had by both.
I vowed to be 'badly behaved' once I'd got there and these days for me, this amounts to something related to sexual activity.

‘Was there any?’

‘Er, what?’

‘Bad beahaviour?’

‘Er, nope.’

It's just wrong innit? Two pretty and single women en Espana and neither of us got laid. There's one time, which always involved drinking, bars and clubs that I'd have been bewildered and disappointed if I hadn’t screwed someone during a 4 days trip abroad. These days, I don’t realistically expect to. And in my own defence I would like to state at this point that I COULD, of course I could, but I don’t generally find myself falling onto a random person’s cock stone sober. Unless, the guy is REALLY fukin hot and I'm feeling REALLY fukin upferrit and I'm convinced that he'll REALY give me what I want. Anyway, the few sunny days were spent with Gaudi, Picasso and coffee, drunk at street cafes while we watched the pretty Spanish boys stroll by. And observed the English who stood out like beacons of white in an otherwise colourful landscape.

Other than this, I’ve recently bought the Cartier watch that I've wanted to treat myself to for some time. I'm proud that I've bought this for myself and it’s money legitimately and 'cleanly' earned. It wasn't a gift, a bribe, or from a punter. Nope, it was thanks to my bloody hard work over the last couple of years, writing.

I had a good meeting with the publishers this morning at the Groucho. I feel energised and ready to take this by the balls. What? Well, pretty much everything. Everything that I can control myself, that means, writing and the goals I have for my near future.

By the way: I'm on the radio tomorrow night (tues 11th May) @ 11pm. BBC London 94.9 fm.

Late, I know, but listen if you can. Otherwise I-player it, innit.

no smoke without fire

beautiful:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rHNOTtShwM

garbage!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jlPs-eqcKI&feature=fvwrel

sounding like a c**t !

OK, done the botox, doing the teeth bleaching tmrw, the boob job is old news..
going to Barcelona on friday, so what's missing now?? Ahh... a Cartier watch. I sound like an absolute c**t, right? yup! :o)

(i've worked hard for this, I deserve to treat myself, i say)

listen!

feeling it?

do what i do when i do it... in the sunshine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQtmkoakjOc

Mouthing Off.

ABSOLUTELY RANDOM thought:
If you question if someone you're interested in is interested in you it's probably because they're not showing an interest in you.
Think about it - by the nature of the word interest - if you're 'interested' in something or someone you want to know them, right? You want to understand everything, to watch, to be taught, to listen, to be shown, to give the same back...

If he/she isn't showing you that he/she is into you then he/she is probably not.

And what's this 'Treat 'em mean to keep 'em kean?' rubbish. Get a grip. I'm not a teenager and I don't have low self-worth and you know something? I've been treated like an Empress by men who are worthy of being Emperors, before you came along. ..

Can you believethat inspite of what I'm saying, which I'm sure you will perceive as me being moody, I am actually feeling very jolly today. I'm in a really good spirits. Who wouldn't be? It's gorgeous weather in London - 26*
I'm feeling focused with my plans and aims for the next 12 months, and right now in this moment I'm content within myself. My flat's looking lovely. The decorating has gone better than can be hoped coming from a sometimes impatient, wanna-see-it-all-done-in-an-instant-kinda girl. There's a long and supposedly hot weekend coming, and, well, tonight I'm, you know... making it hotter.

No, no, it's not the model.
Now, there's a classic example of someone who is not 'interested'... not in me and who I am anyway. And you know what i think? I'm fuckin interesting and if someone doesn't see that, whoever they are then I don't try and open their eyes. I just think fuck it.
So for my friends who are treading water at this time ( and u know who you are) please remember that you are important ... And if i was going through what you're feeling right now then what would you say to me?

Treat yourself as you'd treat a friend.
Hard as this feels at times, you may as well give it a whirl... It's too sunny out there to be feeling grey.


http://www.thebookseller.com/news/mainstream-acquires-hooked-follow.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

Press blurb about my 2nd Book

In The Bookseller, today.

19.04.11

Mainstream Publishing has acquired a second title by Hooked author Clare Gee.
Joint m.d. Bill Campbell acquired world rights to the as yet untitled book from Isabel Atherton at Creative Authors Ltd.

Hooked, Gee's debut, told the story of her life as a prostitute and addiction to drugs. The follow-up will be a fictionalised account of her experience in a residential drug rehabilitation facility.

"Following the massive success of Hooked, we are absolutely delighted to be working with Clare again," Campbell said. "For her legions of fans online, and all those who caught a glimpse of Clare's troubled life of addiction in Hooked, her second book will be an eagerly awaited follow-up, tracking the steady, often rocky, and always moving, journey back from the brink."

Hooked was published in May 2010 and was Mainstream's bestselling title of that year, selling more than 30,000 copies according to the publisher, which also highlighted it as one of its most successful books.

PLS read.

Pls click on the link below

Sooo exciting! I'm absolutely chuffed!!


http://www.thebookseller.com/news/mainstream-acquires-hooked-follow.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

er, it's me.

I can feel it...

I can feel it.
Its just around the corner... if it was a colour itd be orange. If it was a shape it would be a square with rounded edges. If it was a sentiment itd be an excited smile. If it was an animal, itd be a Doberman. And if it had a smell itd be that scent when you're laying in a bed after having had a lot of sex while a bubble bath is being run for you.Itd smell of an exact combination of musk and freshness.

A quick Catch-up.

Hello, hello ... justa quickie. We all like the occasional quickie, i guess, so come over here and get a loada this...

Gonna hovver on and off faceook for some time until I become fixated on my work once again. Im not there yet.n I'm getting back into it, but I'm not yet immersed. Once i am, i can keep the fb account open without fear of procrastinating by faffing around on here because nothing then comes between me and writing.

So what's been happeneing? I had botox for the first time. love it. Still need to wait a few days for it to fully kick in. My friend, K and I have been sprucing up my flat.

The reason for this? Well, there's a couple of reasons:

1. I want to. ( my usual reason for doing most things)
2. I'm preparing myself for a summer romance.

Now, you may wonder with whom. I wonder with whom, myself. But it's going to happen. When I think stuff then it's up to me to make it happen. Thankfully living in London there is an abundance of goodlooking F.I.T men. And NO, he wont be married or attached. Absolutely, no fuckin way.

Is it the model? Is it heck. He's luscious, but it wont be him. You know, sometimes you just understand some things in life and reasons may not be wholly defineable and not worth questioning too much - you just know that some things wouldn't cause harmony.

The model is very self-absorbed and i deplore this in a man i'm spending time with. I'm not used to it, I like attention too. I don't intend to get used to it and thankfully for me, his looks do not blind me. I appreciate anything pretty - but take 'em or leave 'em.


So, a hot, sexxxy, pampering-filled, affection-laidened summer tet a tet is on the adgenda for me soon, along with lots of writing, a holiday and spending lots of time with friends is what i've got planned.

But first, tonight I'm meeting Mark for dinner. My Mark; my dearest everlasting love. He is Jim, in my book. I haven't seen him for yonks and i'm excited to get together with him. He's in London for a few days setting up a gallery in which to exhibit his works.




http://www.missygee.com

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

Today: 12th April

I'm taking a break from facebook... must focus on my shiiiiit.

Quotes for today:

"The Empire Strikes Back" Darth Vader.
"Two books does not an Empire make." Me
"I'm just going outside (of facebook) I may be some time" Captain Oates
To you all: "Keep on being the cutest trick in shoe leather." Rhett Butler.
...Laydees: " If it has wheels or bollocks, expect trouble"
Gentlemen: "If it floats, flies or fucks rent it".

I wore nothing but fish-net hold-ups, heels, and a black coat.

Gosh, where do I start... Well.... what a delightful couple of days. Fookin' 'ell.

The Model... Yep, the same one I was with twice in the last month. The one with whom I have a rather powerful sexual connection. The one I've grumbled to you that we have nothing in common outside of sex; even though I don't actually know him. But we've both been so closed.The one who I've said is not affectionate, therefore I am not. He's distant, doesn't listen and is vague about well, detail. Of course I haven't said any of the above thoughts to him until last night the topic came up about his mind being easily distracted. I teased him and he took it well. 'It's not personal. it's how i am' he said. Fine. I was OK with that... this is only the third time of seeing him.


So you can tell already just by the fact that this conversation took place - there has been a shift in our communication, which was lovely. Last night was the most relaxed, most affectionate, probably the sexiest, most at ease time we've spent together. He somehow seemed more 'human.' He had more of a personality, and he was more comfortable with me and I with him... Anyway, c'mon! You don't really care about that , do ya, eh?!

You want sex, sex, sex, right? And so you shall get it, my friends. So...

I went to meet him and he opened the door and I was wearing heels, fishnet hold-ups and a black coat.

He'd suggested this, but I'd ignored his comment but of course had logged it... Afterall he's indulged me in a couple of small fantasies... I knocked on the door, had my coat open, and his face was that of complete excitement. He fookin' L.O.V.E.D.I.T !!!!

He breathed 'hi' as we began kissing,caressing...

Gosh, I'm not sure what it is, but literally every movement I feel. He's not at all hap hazard. He's gentle and, god, well, he totally gets into the moment. You see, as a rule, I kinda don't . Not until I feel utterly comfortable with someone- but with this guy, I seem to be intoxicated by something, and I'm straight into the moment.

I have a thing about breath. I like it., if I'm really into the person I'm with. I'm sure the chemicals that unite people sexually can be found in the breath as well as sweat. Most breath does nothing for me, or I don't ever want it near me - but this guy, well, there's just something there. Blimey O'Reilly.


Anyway, we had a gloriously erotic time, which was sensual, for the most part. He's commanding, physically and I bloody love that. And by that, i don't mean he roughs me up and orders me around - although he could if he wanted - just a little, mind.... he stays close to me. The contact is very close. Hmmm...

I need to be careful though. And I will be, In fact I am being. Potentially i could be in trouble with regards getting emotionally involved. And since this can't turn into anything more I need to keep myself in check.

Yikes... So, we went for dinner, which was lovely and the atmosphere between us was better than it has been before... then we went back for more saucy erotica. This time was, welll..... what can i say, you can tell I'm gushing about the whole evening, kinda thing... He's away now for 3 weeks, so at least that give time for me to get a grip - haha! not that I've lost my grip - but it allows time for me to do my thing and brush it to one side. I resent the idea of me thinking about a man and them not thinking about me. And even if i suspect that a guy is not thinking about me- then I don't like to think about them.


Yep, childish, I know. But that's how it is.

Second Book Deal

I have just got my second book deal!






http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

Put this in your Pipe and Smoke it.

So after writing this status on my facebook page — ‘ if you really think you can get passed the average woman with your slippery ways. Please re-evaluate your perception of yourself; or at least have the humility to accept that you may not be quite as clever as you think.’

Someone has asked me, in a very kind way, this: ‘Where is the Clare from 6 months ago? You seem to have lost you happy status. It’s so sad to see. I miss the old Clare.’

So, I’ve been thinking... Where is the ‘old’ Clare from 6 months ago? Well, first she’s getting older - and I’m dreading the thought. My birthday next month and I’m gonna be in my mid thirties. Ouch. But at least it’s a sign that I am alive.
OK, so lets go back 6 months, eh? Who was Clare 6 months ago, compared to now? I’ve been accused of changing (thank God, stagnation terrifies me).


Six months ago, my friends, I was in the midst of a long and painful breakup. My heart felt like it was breaking every day. I was trying to make a relationship work with a man who was about to relapse. I was anxious all the time, not sleeping properly for weeks at a time, not eating properly and I managed to get myself 2 disciplinaries at work. My relationship finally broke up in a very callous manner, and I was a wreck. I feared for my sanity, I felt abandoned, alone and scared for my sobriety. I felt I was on the verge of relapse, myself.

My relationship with my father broke down again, and we haven’t spoken now for months. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to continue living because i felt depressed and the reduction in some medication I’d been taking for years, didn’t help my emotional stability. I was worrying about my ability to be able to deliver a decent second book – and this was enough to make me question my worth.

I somehow managed to get into this year, still breathing, and still having a desire to fulfill my ambitions so 4 months ago I threw myself into completing my second book.

Sometimes life is difficult. For everyone. Emotions can make me want to throw myself off a bridge. That's just me. And sometimes facebook status’s are happy and sometimes they’re bland and sometimes they’re sad or angry.
This is part of life; my life. If I write a seemingly ‘negative’ status or make a direct non-frilly comment to someone, this does not mean that I, Clare, has fundamentally changed, or my general happiness levels are in the gutter.


But if you want to know what’s happening today – which of course is the day that the status in question was produced. Today, as for the past 2 weeks I’ve been waiting, waiting, waiting for my fate to be handed to me by strangers. This means the potential publishers of my second book. I’ve not slept properly the past 2 nights, i’m due on my period, i’m tired and I’m fuking anxious to hear from the publishers. Sad as it may seem – this book is EVERYTHING to me.

I wrote a status today based on some thoughts I had after speaking to someone about something. I thought it, and I wrote it because I can.



I am still, Clare. Yes, angrier recently – I’m anxious. Today I’ve been erratic, demanding, grouchy, impatient and intolerant of unrealistic sweeping statements about my loss of happiness because of one or three, or four, or six recent snipey facebook statues.

I am female and with that carries many expectations, often from men. I am not sickly sweet all the time or even most of it. I have worries and I express them. Perhaps due to growing confidence in who I am and less desire to be who you want me to be – I tell things more directly these days than I did, say 6 – 12 months ago. I am growing into the woman I wish I’d been many years ago. Perhaps I wouldn’t have allowed so much abuse to happen to me, had I been this way.

If you notice a change in me this does not mean that I, as a whole, is a different woman. It means that today, in this moment, I am telling you how it is. And if you put it in your pipe and it stinks – then so be it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2wSpm9q1bI

True Romance

love, love, love this film and particularly this scene...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXjcf47y-zk&feature=related

The Charlatans

... and I know you love this, like i do. If you don't - I will never understand you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhSA8FwdS2A&feature=fvwrel

he became my voodoo priest...

‎" he became my voodoo priest, and i, his faithful concubine.... love, slipped from my lips and dripped down my chin...."

I've put an acknowledgement in my book to this woman for a reason, y'all.


listen.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TdKsPTdwrQ&playnext=1&list=PLD84FB893A9BD29C6

I left my vibrator in the hotel room : (final part of fridays sexcapade)

Ok, so the climax to my weekend sex saga... so, we've established that the guy is gorgeous and we had a really sexy time together. Oh, and did i mention that's he's really FIT? yes, i thought I had.

So.... the next morning we woke in the hotel and it was all easy and comfortable between us. No awkwardness, well, certainly not on my part and i didn't notice it on his either. We had a bit more rump- pumpy, in the early hours, and then watched a bit of TV before I got up to go in the shower.

All was good, all was going as planned. He went in the shower and afterwards we left to go down the road to a cafe for breakfast. A yummy cooked breakfast - yep, I had no complaints. We kissed goodbye and he went to get the train and I headed home.

How was I feeling? a mixture of things - quite a mixture... The realisation that it was what it was and nothing of greater substance made me acknowledge that it's not what I want. I am a woman of substance. I'm rarely shallow. Not when it comes to matters involving other people in such an intimate manner. I talk a good talk as far as this stuff goes - but honestly? I'm too sensitive to indulge in a lovely time - then just forget it.
This liaison certainly had its place and I wish I could be as frivolous more frequently, but I can't. It's just not me. I mean, don't get me wrong I probably could be blase with someone where the sex was substandard - but honestly? I cant be bothered with participating in sub-standard.I have done, of course, and when I have i don't get emotionally involved.


However, my friends I'm trapped in a situation where if the sex is good, basically if I fancy the guy and he's nice person too then I want more than just 'casual'. My mind wonders onto imaginings which are silly and pointless under circumstances which from the beginning have been catergorised under the banner of 'just sex.' Besides, as i said, we're totally different people. i would definitely suspect that all his friends are male - and that's always the sign of a player if ever there is one.

I don't do 'just sex'. I give a piece of myself in situations. However little that may be, it's still a piece. And you know if someone too gives of themselves... you can feel it. If they are interested in you, they want to know you, want to understand you. If they are engaged in you - you know it. This guy is not. Certainly not with me - and for sure, you can't kid a kidder. I've been round the block. I know when someone is interested in me as a person and I also know if they are pretending to be cos its polite.

So, all in all - it was a delicious thoroughly orgasmic experience, and that's that.

I got home to my little flat, and was looking forward to getting into my own bed for a good quality snooze. I'd had a good night and had become a little more aware of who i am and what I want (for today) and that gave me some peace. Before getting into bed I decided to empty out the bag I'd taken with me the night before. And that is when I'd discovered that disaster had struck... I said out loud ' oh, no, no, no'...as I frantically tipped out the content onto the wood flooring. I had one thing on my mind: WHERE. THE. FUCK. WAS. THE.. VIBRATOR. THE. I'D. TAKEN. WITH. ME??
You guessed right. I'd only let it in the hotel room.

Had this been a movie - cracking thunder would have exploded above me.

I cupped my hands across my face and then burst out laughing. I couldn't believe it. I just could.not.believe.it.

devastation and acute embarrassment gripped me. I sat on the sofa staring into nothing. I decided I had to call the hotel to know for sure that I wasn't imagining this.

Me: ' hello I think I've left something in the room I stayed in last night, and I'm really embarrassed.'

Receptionist: which room was it?

Me: 24

Receptionist: Is it pink and about 8 inches.

Me: Yes.

fuck, fuck,fuck, fuck.

Receptionist: Ahh, don't worry Miss Gee, we have it here and we've wrapped it up all nicely for you ready to collect.

One word: Arrgghh !!!!
Second word: typical.



http://www.missygee.com

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

Last night sex : (part 2)

LAST NIGHT Part 2.

OK, so perhaps I need to tell you something... I have met this guy once before. Recently. But I said nothing to you about it then; not sure why.. Maybe cos I knew I'd want to see him again and after this note if I don't see him again - then so be it.
When i first met him - I walked to the meeting place feeling shy but really fuckin pleased with myself. He's really gorgeous. OK, so it sounds shallow, I don't care. I make no apologies for appreciating that. He certainly gives my ex-boyfriend Dee a run for his money.

So, during our first date went for dinner, as we did last night before going tto the hotel for..... pudding. On to last night we'd been texting and plotting and had agreed not to talk when I got to the hotel and just, well, kiss... He's very still. I like that. By 'still' I mean he feels in control. He's calm. the kissing and touching was deliberate and not faked film-style, theatrics which is embarrassing and in my opinion contrived.. We kissed lightly, softly, at first, and I was feeling it, and IT, and it seems he was feeling it too.

Ok....Soo... my reaction to his body? (see previous note) I silently smirked, of course. What would any other heterosexual woman do, eh? My reaction to first seeing his dick? The great unveiling. It always makes me nervous. I smiled loudly. 'You're pretty amazing' I told him when I was on my knees. Now it was his turn to grin...I clambered out of my cute and sexy playsuit ( and let me tell you something at this point. I've no quibbles with my body whatsoever. I'm pretty happy with it ) - and what did i get from him in response? -Well, i got touched, kissed and stuff, you know... but no words.
I like words. I'm a writer, I love words. I like reading them, hearing them and expressing them. He told me that I'd made a good choice of outift. That's not saying anything about me though is it? And like all women you want to be admired. Of course, why would he if he's so used to people complementing him? But I'm used to people complimenting me too - but still ......

I loved how sexually neither of us was out to prove anything. It was well, the kind of sex which I don't often get. I too often get men who are trying to prove their technical ability and virtually try to bully me into cumming. Nah. Not my thing. This was more about breathing each other in, caressing, and gentle movement. As I said, he's damn sure of himself and thankfully we had a connection which was not at all forced.

OK, so there's cumming and there's cumming.I did both types. For me, I believe having an orgasm is down to the woman and the man of course plays a role, but not half as much as they like to think. One time I came, I immediately hopped off him and almost pushed him away, and i shifted across to the edge of the bed...
We were both staring at each other and truth be told I hated him a little in those moments. Until my body had calmed down. Make of that what you will. I'm funny sometimes. I hate feeling exposed like that. It leaves me feeling vulnerable, powerless and I don't like it.
Had the orgasm happened because of rigorous movements then it wouldn't impact on me in the way it did. Stuff like this, although I want it in my life, it also makes me run to the hills.

I could analyise the reasons why as you could and truth be told I don't want to. I understand myself and sex very well. And I'm aware what it does for me and to me, and I'm sexually mature enough to realise certain things about me and my responses.
Anyway... it kinda put me off my stride for a while. I just felt quiet and exposed and I didn't like it. He, of course, was all right. He isn't particularly tactile and I wasn't cos i guess we both knew what we were meeting for, both times. We were both guarded although I'm very sure he thinks he's not and the truth be told, it's not my style. I'm usually very affectionate and I hate having to hold back.

However.... although the sex is pretty special and he is a nice guy, we are very different people with slightly different values, I think.

Now, after our first date, I didn't give a monkeys about values and differences. After last night and after THAT orgasm - I've decided that since the guy has very few flaws, as since I am susceptible to attachments, I must focus on our differences and not the ecstatic sex, in order to put a stop to this. We're never going to be in a relationship. He doesn't do them, and even if he did, I suspect he'd chose a small pretty big-boobed blonde doll. He's blatantly a player, cad, and bounder, and I'm not his type of woman but I can live with it.

Besides I don't think for a moment that he could ever get me and the torment I go through, or would have an understanding that I can be intense and solemn but things are actually all right. It's just how I am. He would not comprehend how I can write a book over the period of 2/3 years and get very very little back from it. I think he'd think that was not financially worthwhile, therefore pointless.He likes stuff. I like stuff too -- but he covets stuff in a way that I don't.
Money and stuff mean very very little to me. I won't be contacting him again. Physically he's addictive - and let's not forget I have an addictive personality. Don't get me wrong - I'd like to see him again -- but I wont be chasing it and I assure you he wont be chasing me. Why would he? You should see him. Honestly, I kid you not. He can be with his pick of women and as I said, I know that I am not his usual type of girl.

Yep, he's beautiful. He's more beautiful than I am and he knows it. In fact, he's more beautiful than most people and he knows it.Physically he's flawless - and although this is very nice to look at - you know, like a piece of artwork, for me, it's not real... it's the stuff of fantasy. So perhaps, after 2 exquisite nights, that's where this guy should be kept. In a box marked 'delicious' and I should throw away the key.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUxhNWDlGts hahaha!!! :O)






http://www.missygee.com
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

Last night: Sex ... (part 1)

OK...sooo..... LAST NIGHT. PART ONE: Well... I'm a bit funny about going into too much detail. I'm just gonna write this post without analysing it and see what comes out and not concern myself about who may or may not read this. OK, so last night I had a night with a man who is not only worthy of being on the cover of Men's Health, but he has been, twice, as well as gracing the covers of lots of other magazines. That's how he makes his money. Well, that and property. What can I say - he looks good in clothes. He also looks good naked. The only thing that made him look better, was me draped all over his hard body. But I think he wouldn't think this himself... But we'll get to that later...

OK, how shall I do this? Straight up facts? Or a break down of how I felt at different times during the evening?

I suspect you'll want a bit of both...

So, my friends:

Facts: Him -- white, 6'2, classically beautiful face, perfect teeth, good jaw line, strong Roman nose, greenish eyes, brown hair, tanned skin, and definition of virtually every muscle in his body...

You want more? whaaaat? Ohhhh, his penis ... Right. Well, God would be playing a cruel joke if he hadn't given this guy girth and length and a dick which is equally as handsome as his face. But I'm sure many men would think God has already played a cruel joke by giving him what he has, with regards his appearance.


We met at a hotel near where I live. So clearly as you can see this night was well and truly planned... And did it disappoint?

Oh dear.... hold on.... I'll be back in a bit to tell you more... Yes, you deserve detail, I know, I know...



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6luqscLLeU&feature=related

coming together

i presume that you remember this ??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Oj0UN7VuM

Primal Scream.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yB-WeCp-Zow&feature=fvsr

My brightest star's My inner light, let it guide me
Experience and innocence, bleed inside me
Hallucinogens can open me, or untie me
...I drift in inner space, free of time
I find a higher state of grace, in my mind
...
I'm beautiful, I wasn't born to follow
I live just for today, don't care about tomorrow
What i've got in my head, you can't buy, steal or borrow
I believe in live and let live

I believe you get what you give
I've glimpsed, I have tasted, fantastical places
My soul's an oasis, higher than the sun
I'm higher than the sun

you ready for this?

if you don't love this already - you ready? 'cos you're gonna Love. It.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ak1OERLTwM&NR=1

Blue's new girlfriend text me.

So, some gossip for ya – Blue’s girlfriend or whomever she is, text me on Friday asking if I am still seeing him. What the hell ?? She musta snooped through his phone or email to get my number. I text back: ‘I don’t know you and I don’t want to hear from you, or of you, again.’

I believe that is known in the industry as a slam dunk.Yet still she text back! ‘so i take it you are then?’

I ignored her. Let her deal with her insecurities about what he feels or thinks about me. I’m not interested in this circus or anything to do with that tawdry time. I have not reason to dust down my artillery. I simply don’t care enough. I loved him, of course I did and I would gladly rush to get a blanket to cover him with if he was on fire. I'm not interested in seeing him suffer.

But after certain behaviors, I just don't continue – I thank God that I have an excellent inbuilt protective device. It’s called switching off. Completely. I went through the anger, the desire for revenge - which I indulged just a little...
What ?? C'mon - a man must know that if you screw your woman over and involve other women - there will be a retaliation. Retribution was served swiftly and quietly. He knew very soon but by that stage I'd already switched off so I ignored his attempts at communication. God, it all seems so long ago now.


So, i’m back from Yorkshire. Twas lovely as usual. Rex, my honourary dad was sweet and stubborn as ever. It breaks my heart watching him trying to do things that I can do while I’m there, but there’s a fine line between patronising him and helping. He’s got quite a lot of health issues and finds it incredibly difficult to move around and he’s in pain more often than he’s not. His obstinance prevents him from using a wheelchair permanently. Anyway, between bickering in a typically yorkshire jovial manner – we manage to get by whenever I go and see him. I like going to stay there. I feel it’s as close to being around parents and a safety nest as I can find. I have my own en-suite bedroom and when i get into the middle of the bed at night I sigh with contentment. My worries diminish when Im around Rex. His presence in my life gives me a sense of security which I otherwise do not have. It’s quite odd at times when i realise that I don’t have a familial support structure. But anyway, that is just how it is for me – and I live it as well as i can.



This week I’m going to start really thinking about doing some writing again. I’ve had a lovely break from it and although part of me is anxious about beginning again – I must. I have a love/hate relationship with writing.

I love it because I become wholly immersed in it, and I hate it because I become wholly immersed in it. I’m all or nothing, still. Most things do change – not sure if that aspect of my personality will ever. But I live with it. In the same way as Rex and I bicker in the most friendly manner possible – I also bicker with myself with regards writing. All I need to do is to try and learn to make the bickering between me and me more friendly, too.

do yourself a favour and just read this - that's all !

I saw you, A lighthouse that misleads Boats..
I saw you, changing faces like the earth, like an ongoing portrayal of Mary Magdalene by the same slowly perfecting Artist.
I saw you, an unnamed shade of fresh, young and unattainable green, Paradise green I called it.
Colours Are heard and smells are touched and the heart pours a transubstantiated ounce of pure love, funny, Love isn't pink, Love is a faded hint of blue, the same you find on old wooden boats on mediterranean docks.

Malek Eärendil Shaker

she stabbed me..

She stabbed me, her eyes already apologizing, I did not require an explanation,
I wondered if My life would start flashing in front of my eyes, I'd hate that,
I want to see her until I die.


her hand starts shaking, I take it away from the knife,
it's quite amazing that love can humanly exist, destroying all that nature dictates,
refuting all survival instincts with a walk under summer rain or an enchaining smile once upon a classroom.


I feel lightheaded. she cries, her eyes change when she does that,
I love her tears, they make her look like a brand new doll.
She wants to explain, but I already feel like it's been three years since I've slept.

Malek Eärendil Shaker

my boobs on the richter scale (according to a friend).

after my comments this morning about my boobs bouncing around Surrey... My dear amigo Pol has created this graph for reasons of mirth. Of course, it is only referring to the aforementioned boobs, and no other events involving quakes, of any kind ... Gotta admit it's made me chuckle my head off !

my love for you.

B -- you are a hallowed friend. My Family. Love. Reality. Thank you, thank you.

an email from the HOT 41 year old guy with whom i had Lunch, last week.

Remember the 41 year old HOT guy I told you who invited me for lunch? Well, I met him last week.... Below is the email that he wrote yesterday in response to our 50 minutes together.
Before meeting him I thought he was single, I'd been lead to believe that he was and not by him. Sadly, he is not.
No harm done. No touching, kissing, or anything else untoward took place considering he's married - you know what my feelings are towards that stuff... it's not for me.



'Clare
Wow, that was one hell of a lunch. Great to have met you in the flesh at last. You were exactly as I thought you'd be. It's strange, but having read your book, you really get to know someone.

I really really hope that the book/TV work goes well - you have too much energy, too much to offer, to spend your time sitting behind a reception desk. I guess that the world of TV can be a hard one to crack, but if anyone has a chance, I think that you do.

Would love to say ' must meet again for lunch soon' but being totaly honest you are too bloody georgeous, you just ooze sex. I have a lovely wife and kids and the last thing I want to do is to mess that up. I could pretend that we could sit and have a totaly platonic lunch, but I know that it is best to keep temptation out of the way. I hope that you know what I am trying to say and why I have to say it.

Anyhow, if you ever need advice or are really in the shit, let me know. We all need a friend from time to time, so if I can help, let me know, I mean it.

Take care and let me know how it's all going '


nice, eh?




http://www.missygee.com

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

No smoke without Fire

bloody love this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rHNOTtShwM

Sugar Daddy

Check this:
Another woman's experience of how it is to have a Sugar Daddy:

You really should take a look. You'll be intruiged - I kid you not.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sugar-Daddy-Diaries-Fantasy-Obsession/dp/1845967666/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1299501587&sr=8-1

Me. obviously... :O)

it really is baloney, poo, shite, humbug, silly and nonsensical.

I cannot do my work. I am supposed to have shit-loads done for my agent for tmrw and I haven't done it, I've barely done anything and I don't think I can. I'm fucked.

Now, if I'd allowed myself to participate in a bit of something else this weekend instead of just staring at an effing lap top willing for a burst of creativity to happen, then that might have been more beneficial. Jesus H. I need to get my bloody act together. When will I learn that trying to bully myself into getting shit done does not a productive day make.

My God... I feel I've effectively wasted a whole weekend. Doing what, I'm not even sure. I mean, if I was kissing a boy that would be a worthy reason for barely getting anything done. But I cant even hold my hands up to that. This is ridiculous. Baloney, poo, shite, humbug, silly, non-nonsensical...

Well, it's not exactly non nonsensical - I do have a purpose for all this. And as Ive said time and again an empire doesn't build its self. Forgive me for stating the damn obvious. And neither it seems does it get built by staring at a lap top, faffing around on facebook, texting friends, fiddling with youtube, painting my nails, wearing facepacks, straightening my hair, plucking, waxing and scratching my bum.

I refused to go to my friends house for a girly night of food and gossip last night for this circus. Opting as usual to 'do some work' and getting not enough done.

Right, will try again now...



http://www.missygee.com

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

get with it...

if you think this song is cheesy - I'd agree. If, however, you don't like it - that's your problem :O)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uS870zCCAwM

your SINGLE male friends - GIZ ONE!!

WARNING: This is no laughing matter.

This was my earlier facebook status:
'I want a boyfriend. And anyone that I already 'know' needs not apply. Sorry. If it was going to happen - it wudda already.'Soo, based on this - I have an idea. You know the website ' My single best friend'? Well, it goes something like this... Friends suggest their friends as potential... Potential what? Well, I guess that's up to the two people in question.
Something can start as one thing and end in another. However, I must admit to that realistically I do not want a casual thing. I can't do causal. it's not me, sadly. I'd like an actual boyfriend.

You may wonder why I am so open about wanting a boyfriend.... Well, why not? Why do people get embarassed about feeling human and wanting to be with someone? Sharing your existing life with another person and together creating something new. What's embarassing about admitting to that?

I think having a man would be a lovely topping to my already sweet pie. I like my life. S'nice... A boyfriend would just be a yummy extra.

I want to meet someone and I'd like you to help me make this possible. Surely you there, my friends have SINGLE male friends who are, well, quite a catch...OK, realistically, I'm going to be blunt OK. He's gotta be fit. He's gotta have something, charisma, something... it's nice if he's good looking but that's not a priority. He must be confident and absolutely not loud. Intelligent - obviosuly. Have humour and compassion amongst many other things. Oh and I like full lips and nice hands and an intensity with how he conducts life. And if we're talking real potential boyfriend material - he must be older than me. Mid thirties upwards...

Oh, an another thing - He must not get drunk every week and he defintiely does. not. do.any. drugs.Nicotine is welcome, though...

And one last thing - he's never been in jail for murder or man slaughter or for any reason to do with physically harming a person or animal. I could go on and on and on and on.... but i cant be bothered, so i won't.

Other than what I've written above, I'm open minded. OH. MY. GOODNESS ME!!! I nearly forgot to mention that he must be at least 6'2. A legitimate 6'2. Most men I've met add on at least 2 inches.

Self doubt and Waffle.

Below are the three emails I've just sent to my agent.



Email 1:

Here I've attached the first synopsis.
It's a bit long and maybe long-winded and maybe it's dull. I dunno.
it's the first attempt.
I'll await your thoughts when you are ready.



Email 2:

In fact - sorry i'm tired. I'll re-write the synopsis tmrw. The basis is there but it needs re-doing.



Email 3:

The current synopsis is too mechanical.
just thinking aloud.
I'm off now! I'm talking shite. Il be in touch tmrw.



You gotta love a bit of self-doubt. And now I have a new favourite thing to do - copying and pasting emails - beware if you send me one. You might just see it on here!

hardy har har! fat-nosed smile > :O) I'm kidding OK! (sort of) I pick and choose my battles.

An email response to a suggestion of lunch.

You've seen text rants I've sent to idiot men who've tried to get into my knickers when it's been unwanted. But below is an email I've sent to an oh so handsome fella (6'3, 41 years old, loaded, not married and FIT) who has asked me out for lunch. We've had a fair amount of contact. And yes, him being loaded is an added feature. Any woman who says otherwise is lying. Of course it's bloody stupid to go out with someone based on this alone - OBVIOUSLY. But there's nothing wrong with admitting that it adds to his attractiveness. Shallow? Whatever. It's a Fact.

I haven't yet gone out with this guy, despite wanting to. Been busy and a scaredy cat, for the most part ... So for anyone who thinks I don't respond to you on purpose - it's not like that. I don't discriminate. I'm the same all round.



' Please forgive my delayed response.It's taken me a while to get my act together due to work and having my head in the clouds. What a week this is turning out to be.
Crumbs. I hadn't realised I'd end up so busy as a result of a conversation I had with my agent the other day.
It's fab. Exactly what I wanted - but I hadn't realised I'd have so much work to do in order to do what we've proposed to do. Based on this, ideally I'd reply to emails as soon as I get them (not that i'm flooded with interesting emails that urgently need a reply, or anything. Aside from yours, of course) otherwise I get swamped and trapped in my own little world of writing and before I know it days have passed and I haven't replied! Grr!

Anyhoo... Yep, I'm around next week. And the week after, and the week after that.
Sadly I'm not about to jet off any day soon to an exotic location with a hot man where we shall lie on white sand, basically naked, staring into each other's eyes. Unless you think we should? :O) hehee...

So we can have coffee and cake or coffee and lunch or coffee and well, just coffee, at any time.'





http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

It's a Pity..

it is a pity you already have a wife..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5paJp4BUDA&feature=related

Running Away from Yourself?

trying to run away from yourself...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaOXc7b2YJ4

Daydream

Lady Jill Scott and the boy... and a yummy boy he is too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XOAStfv-v0

We're gonna cause chaos tonight. Fact.

OK tonight it’s my friend’s Hen Night. Woohoo! Never done this before. I feel this is definitely the cherry on the top of my welcome to ‘normal life’ status. Jeez – things just get better all the time!

I'm really looking forward to celebrating with her and the other girls. They’ll be guzzling champagne no doubt served to us by near-naked buff men and I’ll be sipping slimline tonic with ice and if I’m feeling really cheeky – I’ll have a slice of lime with it.

So i soon gonna dye my hair Blue-Black --- then I’m straightening it and scraping it back and putting a really long straight hair piece in it to give me a high pony tail which will go half way down my back.

I’m putting fake tan all over. I’ll lather my body is Shalimar body lotion and I’m making my eyes really, really dark – loadsa eye make up and false lashes. Not too sure what to wear yet though... I’m thinking maybe black jodhpur style leggings, and a black semi-see through but casual t-shirt and black riding style boots and my sheep skin coat.My nails are bright pink.

London, you've been warned.

Hooked, yet?

If you haven't read my book, HOOKED, then I suggest you do... I'd hate you to miss out!! And if you're a fella and don't want to be spotted with a pink and white cover, i understand so DOWNLOAD it!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Confessions-London-Call-Girl/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1298542089&sr=8-1

Someone like You...

these words and her voice will touch your soul,i betcha!

Listen...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wb8IS3ZkiLs&feature=fvst

getting deleted ...

if i get deleted from facebook for a status and private message i have sent to some fucking arsehole, then so be it. I shall set up another account so please find me. I won't block or delete this person because i like to know where pricks like this are. Keep your 'enemies' close, i say.

I can stomach so much and i've been incredibly lucky with people who have shown me encouragement, decency and friendship. For this I am grateful. I have actually never had anyone except 1 person within the first 2 months of me starting my blog and facebook who has been rude to me on this level. Yep, this offender could have be ruder, but for today - I've had my fill.

Sadly, people like this give themselves away as being deeply unhappy in their own lives. No one who is okay with themselves has the inclination to try to belittle or offend someone else who is simply getting on with their life.


As i say, i shall be back again if Big Brother facebook deletes me for my torrent of abuse towards this guy.

Thank you for your very kind words of support. It really means a lot.

ViVa Facebook! and if you're not already there - find me at Clare Gee.





http://www.missygee.com

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

About Me

I am a daughter, a loyal friend, a half sister to many & step sister to a few. I'm great at making coffee and eating ice-cream - preferably at the same time. I am an ex-hooker, ex-cocaine fiend, recovering alcoholic, and still a thoroughly pleasant person who is living in London. I can be a tad paranoid at times and I've been described as neurotic, occasionally, by my closest friends. So what? Some scars take longer to heal than others...

I've survived an intense journey of pain and a compulsion to self- destruct. This started with my mother buggering off, when I was five.

Later came depression, alcohol, drugs, prostitution, sugar daddies, swanky apartments, members' bars & clubs. But what goes up... Eventually this lead to my emotional collapse, then came rehab #1, then rehab #2 and the slow and desperate effort to change my life, my friends, my behaviours, my thinking, my actions, my vices, my everything. Everything had to change.

I speak about it here: http://www.inexcess.tv/?p=10246

I am a woman, a child, strong yet fragile, steardy yet flakey, I give a lot, yet withdraw into myself, i never cry at films, but will cry readily in real life. I love deeply yet i'm scared to be abandoned. Things do change - albeit slowly at times, they can change...

What now? Well, now I'm here telling you how it was for me and exactly what happened. My book which is about how I survived my shambolic life and how I managed to put a stop to it all was published MAY 6th, 2010, by MAINSTREAM PUBLISHING. See it on Amazon, Waterstones, Play.com and a number of other online bookshops as well as being availbale for download.



WARNING: Do not judge this book by its cover.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Confessions-London-Call-Girl/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1296830953&sr=8-1

HOOKED on KINDLE and available to DOWNLOAD, now.

My book HOOKED is available NOW to DOWNLOAD:


'Hooked is a graphic tale of how life as a prostitute really is and what can happen when we search for happiness outside of ourselves. It is a poignant reminder that things can always get better, as long as we remember that when it's time to leave the party, it's time.'


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked/dp/B004K6ME72/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1296828299&sr=1-2

there are always more PET HATES...

Ahhhh, i'm feeling un-grumbly this morning and it just won't do. Not when i fancy writing a list of pet hates... These types of gripes i find amusing, i don't take them seriously at all which is a good thing since I spot them nearly everywhere i go.

Take this morning for an example.
Pet hate 1:

Women that absolutley adore themselves, but not in a 'mean-faced-bitchy' way, you know those ones.... No, the ones who are overly aware of the people around them, fliritng with everyone on a train - and most offensive behaviour - POUTING. Yes, we can all see you've had fillers in your lips and now you want to try and make us believe how 'naturally sexy' you are. But sweetheart, I ain't buying it. If you were so damned sure of yourself, you'd just mind your own business and get on with your day without being desperate to attract attention. And if you think i'm 'jealous'. I make no comment about that. Think what you like.


Ooo, my silence it seems has been broken....

Pet hate 2: This one is 2 fold.

Me:'Would you like a cup of coffee?'

Him: 'Yes please. White with one.'

Right. err.... 'One?' One, what? You're presuming I know you mean one sugar. Please don't presume anything. All I'm now thinking is that you think you sound cool by saying 'with one,' and missing out the word ' sugar', when actually you sound lazy and like a twat. Just say ' one sugar' if that's what you want, okay.

Now, the second part of this gripe:

I ask you if you want a cuppa and you don't even have the basic politeness to look at me when you answer. In this case, if you DO want a drink i may not have the basic manners to keep it in the cup when i hand it to you.


Pet hate 3, before i hand over to yous:

People that answer their own phone by saying, for example: 'Clare's phone.'

WTF! I know whose phone i'm ringing. It was me that made the decision to dial your number in the first place, remember! Declaring whose phone it is that I've just called is NOT a demonstration of you being organised or businesslike - it is simply confusing.

So, here we go -- you call me: Brr, brr... brr, brr....

Me: 'Hello, Clare's phone'

You: 'Oh, hello, is Clare there please?'

Me: 'Speaking'

You: 'Right, err, hi, err...'



It's bloody confusing innit..... You KNEW you were calling Clare's phone already. It was you who decided to call it. And based on the phone that you're ringing is very likely to be a mobile, you presumed that Clare would be answering the said phone anyway. So, why the hell is Clare telling you that you're calling her phone when you already know this???

Crumbs.


What's wrong, with:

Me: ' hello'

You: 'Is that Clare?'

Me: 'Yeah' ... Then you're in business without a load of introducory confusion.

Cripes O'Reilly!




http://www.missygee.com

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1