sounding like a c**t !

OK, done the botox, doing the teeth bleaching tmrw, the boob job is old news..
going to Barcelona on friday, so what's missing now?? Ahh... a Cartier watch. I sound like an absolute c**t, right? yup! :o)

(i've worked hard for this, I deserve to treat myself, i say)

listen!

feeling it?

do what i do when i do it... in the sunshine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQtmkoakjOc

Mouthing Off.

ABSOLUTELY RANDOM thought:
If you question if someone you're interested in is interested in you it's probably because they're not showing an interest in you.
Think about it - by the nature of the word interest - if you're 'interested' in something or someone you want to know them, right? You want to understand everything, to watch, to be taught, to listen, to be shown, to give the same back...

If he/she isn't showing you that he/she is into you then he/she is probably not.

And what's this 'Treat 'em mean to keep 'em kean?' rubbish. Get a grip. I'm not a teenager and I don't have low self-worth and you know something? I've been treated like an Empress by men who are worthy of being Emperors, before you came along. ..

Can you believethat inspite of what I'm saying, which I'm sure you will perceive as me being moody, I am actually feeling very jolly today. I'm in a really good spirits. Who wouldn't be? It's gorgeous weather in London - 26*
I'm feeling focused with my plans and aims for the next 12 months, and right now in this moment I'm content within myself. My flat's looking lovely. The decorating has gone better than can be hoped coming from a sometimes impatient, wanna-see-it-all-done-in-an-instant-kinda girl. There's a long and supposedly hot weekend coming, and, well, tonight I'm, you know... making it hotter.

No, no, it's not the model.
Now, there's a classic example of someone who is not 'interested'... not in me and who I am anyway. And you know what i think? I'm fuckin interesting and if someone doesn't see that, whoever they are then I don't try and open their eyes. I just think fuck it.
So for my friends who are treading water at this time ( and u know who you are) please remember that you are important ... And if i was going through what you're feeling right now then what would you say to me?

Treat yourself as you'd treat a friend.
Hard as this feels at times, you may as well give it a whirl... It's too sunny out there to be feeling grey.


http://www.thebookseller.com/news/mainstream-acquires-hooked-follow.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

Press blurb about my 2nd Book

In The Bookseller, today.

19.04.11

Mainstream Publishing has acquired a second title by Hooked author Clare Gee.
Joint m.d. Bill Campbell acquired world rights to the as yet untitled book from Isabel Atherton at Creative Authors Ltd.

Hooked, Gee's debut, told the story of her life as a prostitute and addiction to drugs. The follow-up will be a fictionalised account of her experience in a residential drug rehabilitation facility.

"Following the massive success of Hooked, we are absolutely delighted to be working with Clare again," Campbell said. "For her legions of fans online, and all those who caught a glimpse of Clare's troubled life of addiction in Hooked, her second book will be an eagerly awaited follow-up, tracking the steady, often rocky, and always moving, journey back from the brink."

Hooked was published in May 2010 and was Mainstream's bestselling title of that year, selling more than 30,000 copies according to the publisher, which also highlighted it as one of its most successful books.

PLS read.

Pls click on the link below

Sooo exciting! I'm absolutely chuffed!!


http://www.thebookseller.com/news/mainstream-acquires-hooked-follow.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

er, it's me.

I can feel it...

I can feel it.
Its just around the corner... if it was a colour itd be orange. If it was a shape it would be a square with rounded edges. If it was a sentiment itd be an excited smile. If it was an animal, itd be a Doberman. And if it had a smell itd be that scent when you're laying in a bed after having had a lot of sex while a bubble bath is being run for you.Itd smell of an exact combination of musk and freshness.

A quick Catch-up.

Hello, hello ... justa quickie. We all like the occasional quickie, i guess, so come over here and get a loada this...

Gonna hovver on and off faceook for some time until I become fixated on my work once again. Im not there yet.n I'm getting back into it, but I'm not yet immersed. Once i am, i can keep the fb account open without fear of procrastinating by faffing around on here because nothing then comes between me and writing.

So what's been happeneing? I had botox for the first time. love it. Still need to wait a few days for it to fully kick in. My friend, K and I have been sprucing up my flat.

The reason for this? Well, there's a couple of reasons:

1. I want to. ( my usual reason for doing most things)
2. I'm preparing myself for a summer romance.

Now, you may wonder with whom. I wonder with whom, myself. But it's going to happen. When I think stuff then it's up to me to make it happen. Thankfully living in London there is an abundance of goodlooking F.I.T men. And NO, he wont be married or attached. Absolutely, no fuckin way.

Is it the model? Is it heck. He's luscious, but it wont be him. You know, sometimes you just understand some things in life and reasons may not be wholly defineable and not worth questioning too much - you just know that some things wouldn't cause harmony.

The model is very self-absorbed and i deplore this in a man i'm spending time with. I'm not used to it, I like attention too. I don't intend to get used to it and thankfully for me, his looks do not blind me. I appreciate anything pretty - but take 'em or leave 'em.


So, a hot, sexxxy, pampering-filled, affection-laidened summer tet a tet is on the adgenda for me soon, along with lots of writing, a holiday and spending lots of time with friends is what i've got planned.

But first, tonight I'm meeting Mark for dinner. My Mark; my dearest everlasting love. He is Jim, in my book. I haven't seen him for yonks and i'm excited to get together with him. He's in London for a few days setting up a gallery in which to exhibit his works.




http://www.missygee.com

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

Today: 12th April

I'm taking a break from facebook... must focus on my shiiiiit.

Quotes for today:

"The Empire Strikes Back" Darth Vader.
"Two books does not an Empire make." Me
"I'm just going outside (of facebook) I may be some time" Captain Oates
To you all: "Keep on being the cutest trick in shoe leather." Rhett Butler.
...Laydees: " If it has wheels or bollocks, expect trouble"
Gentlemen: "If it floats, flies or fucks rent it".

I wore nothing but fish-net hold-ups, heels, and a black coat.

Gosh, where do I start... Well.... what a delightful couple of days. Fookin' 'ell.

The Model... Yep, the same one I was with twice in the last month. The one with whom I have a rather powerful sexual connection. The one I've grumbled to you that we have nothing in common outside of sex; even though I don't actually know him. But we've both been so closed.The one who I've said is not affectionate, therefore I am not. He's distant, doesn't listen and is vague about well, detail. Of course I haven't said any of the above thoughts to him until last night the topic came up about his mind being easily distracted. I teased him and he took it well. 'It's not personal. it's how i am' he said. Fine. I was OK with that... this is only the third time of seeing him.


So you can tell already just by the fact that this conversation took place - there has been a shift in our communication, which was lovely. Last night was the most relaxed, most affectionate, probably the sexiest, most at ease time we've spent together. He somehow seemed more 'human.' He had more of a personality, and he was more comfortable with me and I with him... Anyway, c'mon! You don't really care about that , do ya, eh?!

You want sex, sex, sex, right? And so you shall get it, my friends. So...

I went to meet him and he opened the door and I was wearing heels, fishnet hold-ups and a black coat.

He'd suggested this, but I'd ignored his comment but of course had logged it... Afterall he's indulged me in a couple of small fantasies... I knocked on the door, had my coat open, and his face was that of complete excitement. He fookin' L.O.V.E.D.I.T !!!!

He breathed 'hi' as we began kissing,caressing...

Gosh, I'm not sure what it is, but literally every movement I feel. He's not at all hap hazard. He's gentle and, god, well, he totally gets into the moment. You see, as a rule, I kinda don't . Not until I feel utterly comfortable with someone- but with this guy, I seem to be intoxicated by something, and I'm straight into the moment.

I have a thing about breath. I like it., if I'm really into the person I'm with. I'm sure the chemicals that unite people sexually can be found in the breath as well as sweat. Most breath does nothing for me, or I don't ever want it near me - but this guy, well, there's just something there. Blimey O'Reilly.


Anyway, we had a gloriously erotic time, which was sensual, for the most part. He's commanding, physically and I bloody love that. And by that, i don't mean he roughs me up and orders me around - although he could if he wanted - just a little, mind.... he stays close to me. The contact is very close. Hmmm...

I need to be careful though. And I will be, In fact I am being. Potentially i could be in trouble with regards getting emotionally involved. And since this can't turn into anything more I need to keep myself in check.

Yikes... So, we went for dinner, which was lovely and the atmosphere between us was better than it has been before... then we went back for more saucy erotica. This time was, welll..... what can i say, you can tell I'm gushing about the whole evening, kinda thing... He's away now for 3 weeks, so at least that give time for me to get a grip - haha! not that I've lost my grip - but it allows time for me to do my thing and brush it to one side. I resent the idea of me thinking about a man and them not thinking about me. And even if i suspect that a guy is not thinking about me- then I don't like to think about them.


Yep, childish, I know. But that's how it is.

Second Book Deal

I have just got my second book deal!






http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

Put this in your Pipe and Smoke it.

So after writing this status on my facebook page — ‘ if you really think you can get passed the average woman with your slippery ways. Please re-evaluate your perception of yourself; or at least have the humility to accept that you may not be quite as clever as you think.’

Someone has asked me, in a very kind way, this: ‘Where is the Clare from 6 months ago? You seem to have lost you happy status. It’s so sad to see. I miss the old Clare.’

So, I’ve been thinking... Where is the ‘old’ Clare from 6 months ago? Well, first she’s getting older - and I’m dreading the thought. My birthday next month and I’m gonna be in my mid thirties. Ouch. But at least it’s a sign that I am alive.
OK, so lets go back 6 months, eh? Who was Clare 6 months ago, compared to now? I’ve been accused of changing (thank God, stagnation terrifies me).


Six months ago, my friends, I was in the midst of a long and painful breakup. My heart felt like it was breaking every day. I was trying to make a relationship work with a man who was about to relapse. I was anxious all the time, not sleeping properly for weeks at a time, not eating properly and I managed to get myself 2 disciplinaries at work. My relationship finally broke up in a very callous manner, and I was a wreck. I feared for my sanity, I felt abandoned, alone and scared for my sobriety. I felt I was on the verge of relapse, myself.

My relationship with my father broke down again, and we haven’t spoken now for months. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to continue living because i felt depressed and the reduction in some medication I’d been taking for years, didn’t help my emotional stability. I was worrying about my ability to be able to deliver a decent second book – and this was enough to make me question my worth.

I somehow managed to get into this year, still breathing, and still having a desire to fulfill my ambitions so 4 months ago I threw myself into completing my second book.

Sometimes life is difficult. For everyone. Emotions can make me want to throw myself off a bridge. That's just me. And sometimes facebook status’s are happy and sometimes they’re bland and sometimes they’re sad or angry.
This is part of life; my life. If I write a seemingly ‘negative’ status or make a direct non-frilly comment to someone, this does not mean that I, Clare, has fundamentally changed, or my general happiness levels are in the gutter.


But if you want to know what’s happening today – which of course is the day that the status in question was produced. Today, as for the past 2 weeks I’ve been waiting, waiting, waiting for my fate to be handed to me by strangers. This means the potential publishers of my second book. I’ve not slept properly the past 2 nights, i’m due on my period, i’m tired and I’m fuking anxious to hear from the publishers. Sad as it may seem – this book is EVERYTHING to me.

I wrote a status today based on some thoughts I had after speaking to someone about something. I thought it, and I wrote it because I can.



I am still, Clare. Yes, angrier recently – I’m anxious. Today I’ve been erratic, demanding, grouchy, impatient and intolerant of unrealistic sweeping statements about my loss of happiness because of one or three, or four, or six recent snipey facebook statues.

I am female and with that carries many expectations, often from men. I am not sickly sweet all the time or even most of it. I have worries and I express them. Perhaps due to growing confidence in who I am and less desire to be who you want me to be – I tell things more directly these days than I did, say 6 – 12 months ago. I am growing into the woman I wish I’d been many years ago. Perhaps I wouldn’t have allowed so much abuse to happen to me, had I been this way.

If you notice a change in me this does not mean that I, as a whole, is a different woman. It means that today, in this moment, I am telling you how it is. And if you put it in your pipe and it stinks – then so be it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2wSpm9q1bI

True Romance

love, love, love this film and particularly this scene...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXjcf47y-zk&feature=related

The Charlatans

... and I know you love this, like i do. If you don't - I will never understand you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhSA8FwdS2A&feature=fvwrel

he became my voodoo priest...

‎" he became my voodoo priest, and i, his faithful concubine.... love, slipped from my lips and dripped down my chin...."

I've put an acknowledgement in my book to this woman for a reason, y'all.


listen.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TdKsPTdwrQ&playnext=1&list=PLD84FB893A9BD29C6

I left my vibrator in the hotel room : (final part of fridays sexcapade)

Ok, so the climax to my weekend sex saga... so, we've established that the guy is gorgeous and we had a really sexy time together. Oh, and did i mention that's he's really FIT? yes, i thought I had.

So.... the next morning we woke in the hotel and it was all easy and comfortable between us. No awkwardness, well, certainly not on my part and i didn't notice it on his either. We had a bit more rump- pumpy, in the early hours, and then watched a bit of TV before I got up to go in the shower.

All was good, all was going as planned. He went in the shower and afterwards we left to go down the road to a cafe for breakfast. A yummy cooked breakfast - yep, I had no complaints. We kissed goodbye and he went to get the train and I headed home.

How was I feeling? a mixture of things - quite a mixture... The realisation that it was what it was and nothing of greater substance made me acknowledge that it's not what I want. I am a woman of substance. I'm rarely shallow. Not when it comes to matters involving other people in such an intimate manner. I talk a good talk as far as this stuff goes - but honestly? I'm too sensitive to indulge in a lovely time - then just forget it.
This liaison certainly had its place and I wish I could be as frivolous more frequently, but I can't. It's just not me. I mean, don't get me wrong I probably could be blase with someone where the sex was substandard - but honestly? I cant be bothered with participating in sub-standard.I have done, of course, and when I have i don't get emotionally involved.


However, my friends I'm trapped in a situation where if the sex is good, basically if I fancy the guy and he's nice person too then I want more than just 'casual'. My mind wonders onto imaginings which are silly and pointless under circumstances which from the beginning have been catergorised under the banner of 'just sex.' Besides, as i said, we're totally different people. i would definitely suspect that all his friends are male - and that's always the sign of a player if ever there is one.

I don't do 'just sex'. I give a piece of myself in situations. However little that may be, it's still a piece. And you know if someone too gives of themselves... you can feel it. If they are interested in you, they want to know you, want to understand you. If they are engaged in you - you know it. This guy is not. Certainly not with me - and for sure, you can't kid a kidder. I've been round the block. I know when someone is interested in me as a person and I also know if they are pretending to be cos its polite.

So, all in all - it was a delicious thoroughly orgasmic experience, and that's that.

I got home to my little flat, and was looking forward to getting into my own bed for a good quality snooze. I'd had a good night and had become a little more aware of who i am and what I want (for today) and that gave me some peace. Before getting into bed I decided to empty out the bag I'd taken with me the night before. And that is when I'd discovered that disaster had struck... I said out loud ' oh, no, no, no'...as I frantically tipped out the content onto the wood flooring. I had one thing on my mind: WHERE. THE. FUCK. WAS. THE.. VIBRATOR. THE. I'D. TAKEN. WITH. ME??
You guessed right. I'd only let it in the hotel room.

Had this been a movie - cracking thunder would have exploded above me.

I cupped my hands across my face and then burst out laughing. I couldn't believe it. I just could.not.believe.it.

devastation and acute embarrassment gripped me. I sat on the sofa staring into nothing. I decided I had to call the hotel to know for sure that I wasn't imagining this.

Me: ' hello I think I've left something in the room I stayed in last night, and I'm really embarrassed.'

Receptionist: which room was it?

Me: 24

Receptionist: Is it pink and about 8 inches.

Me: Yes.

fuck, fuck,fuck, fuck.

Receptionist: Ahh, don't worry Miss Gee, we have it here and we've wrapped it up all nicely for you ready to collect.

One word: Arrgghh !!!!
Second word: typical.



http://www.missygee.com

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

Last night sex : (part 2)

LAST NIGHT Part 2.

OK, so perhaps I need to tell you something... I have met this guy once before. Recently. But I said nothing to you about it then; not sure why.. Maybe cos I knew I'd want to see him again and after this note if I don't see him again - then so be it.
When i first met him - I walked to the meeting place feeling shy but really fuckin pleased with myself. He's really gorgeous. OK, so it sounds shallow, I don't care. I make no apologies for appreciating that. He certainly gives my ex-boyfriend Dee a run for his money.

So, during our first date went for dinner, as we did last night before going tto the hotel for..... pudding. On to last night we'd been texting and plotting and had agreed not to talk when I got to the hotel and just, well, kiss... He's very still. I like that. By 'still' I mean he feels in control. He's calm. the kissing and touching was deliberate and not faked film-style, theatrics which is embarrassing and in my opinion contrived.. We kissed lightly, softly, at first, and I was feeling it, and IT, and it seems he was feeling it too.

Ok....Soo... my reaction to his body? (see previous note) I silently smirked, of course. What would any other heterosexual woman do, eh? My reaction to first seeing his dick? The great unveiling. It always makes me nervous. I smiled loudly. 'You're pretty amazing' I told him when I was on my knees. Now it was his turn to grin...I clambered out of my cute and sexy playsuit ( and let me tell you something at this point. I've no quibbles with my body whatsoever. I'm pretty happy with it ) - and what did i get from him in response? -Well, i got touched, kissed and stuff, you know... but no words.
I like words. I'm a writer, I love words. I like reading them, hearing them and expressing them. He told me that I'd made a good choice of outift. That's not saying anything about me though is it? And like all women you want to be admired. Of course, why would he if he's so used to people complementing him? But I'm used to people complimenting me too - but still ......

I loved how sexually neither of us was out to prove anything. It was well, the kind of sex which I don't often get. I too often get men who are trying to prove their technical ability and virtually try to bully me into cumming. Nah. Not my thing. This was more about breathing each other in, caressing, and gentle movement. As I said, he's damn sure of himself and thankfully we had a connection which was not at all forced.

OK, so there's cumming and there's cumming.I did both types. For me, I believe having an orgasm is down to the woman and the man of course plays a role, but not half as much as they like to think. One time I came, I immediately hopped off him and almost pushed him away, and i shifted across to the edge of the bed...
We were both staring at each other and truth be told I hated him a little in those moments. Until my body had calmed down. Make of that what you will. I'm funny sometimes. I hate feeling exposed like that. It leaves me feeling vulnerable, powerless and I don't like it.
Had the orgasm happened because of rigorous movements then it wouldn't impact on me in the way it did. Stuff like this, although I want it in my life, it also makes me run to the hills.

I could analyise the reasons why as you could and truth be told I don't want to. I understand myself and sex very well. And I'm aware what it does for me and to me, and I'm sexually mature enough to realise certain things about me and my responses.
Anyway... it kinda put me off my stride for a while. I just felt quiet and exposed and I didn't like it. He, of course, was all right. He isn't particularly tactile and I wasn't cos i guess we both knew what we were meeting for, both times. We were both guarded although I'm very sure he thinks he's not and the truth be told, it's not my style. I'm usually very affectionate and I hate having to hold back.

However.... although the sex is pretty special and he is a nice guy, we are very different people with slightly different values, I think.

Now, after our first date, I didn't give a monkeys about values and differences. After last night and after THAT orgasm - I've decided that since the guy has very few flaws, as since I am susceptible to attachments, I must focus on our differences and not the ecstatic sex, in order to put a stop to this. We're never going to be in a relationship. He doesn't do them, and even if he did, I suspect he'd chose a small pretty big-boobed blonde doll. He's blatantly a player, cad, and bounder, and I'm not his type of woman but I can live with it.

Besides I don't think for a moment that he could ever get me and the torment I go through, or would have an understanding that I can be intense and solemn but things are actually all right. It's just how I am. He would not comprehend how I can write a book over the period of 2/3 years and get very very little back from it. I think he'd think that was not financially worthwhile, therefore pointless.He likes stuff. I like stuff too -- but he covets stuff in a way that I don't.
Money and stuff mean very very little to me. I won't be contacting him again. Physically he's addictive - and let's not forget I have an addictive personality. Don't get me wrong - I'd like to see him again -- but I wont be chasing it and I assure you he wont be chasing me. Why would he? You should see him. Honestly, I kid you not. He can be with his pick of women and as I said, I know that I am not his usual type of girl.

Yep, he's beautiful. He's more beautiful than I am and he knows it. In fact, he's more beautiful than most people and he knows it.Physically he's flawless - and although this is very nice to look at - you know, like a piece of artwork, for me, it's not real... it's the stuff of fantasy. So perhaps, after 2 exquisite nights, that's where this guy should be kept. In a box marked 'delicious' and I should throw away the key.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUxhNWDlGts hahaha!!! :O)






http://www.missygee.com
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

Last night: Sex ... (part 1)

OK...sooo..... LAST NIGHT. PART ONE: Well... I'm a bit funny about going into too much detail. I'm just gonna write this post without analysing it and see what comes out and not concern myself about who may or may not read this. OK, so last night I had a night with a man who is not only worthy of being on the cover of Men's Health, but he has been, twice, as well as gracing the covers of lots of other magazines. That's how he makes his money. Well, that and property. What can I say - he looks good in clothes. He also looks good naked. The only thing that made him look better, was me draped all over his hard body. But I think he wouldn't think this himself... But we'll get to that later...

OK, how shall I do this? Straight up facts? Or a break down of how I felt at different times during the evening?

I suspect you'll want a bit of both...

So, my friends:

Facts: Him -- white, 6'2, classically beautiful face, perfect teeth, good jaw line, strong Roman nose, greenish eyes, brown hair, tanned skin, and definition of virtually every muscle in his body...

You want more? whaaaat? Ohhhh, his penis ... Right. Well, God would be playing a cruel joke if he hadn't given this guy girth and length and a dick which is equally as handsome as his face. But I'm sure many men would think God has already played a cruel joke by giving him what he has, with regards his appearance.


We met at a hotel near where I live. So clearly as you can see this night was well and truly planned... And did it disappoint?

Oh dear.... hold on.... I'll be back in a bit to tell you more... Yes, you deserve detail, I know, I know...



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6luqscLLeU&feature=related

coming together

i presume that you remember this ??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Oj0UN7VuM

Primal Scream.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yB-WeCp-Zow&feature=fvsr

My brightest star's My inner light, let it guide me
Experience and innocence, bleed inside me
Hallucinogens can open me, or untie me
...I drift in inner space, free of time
I find a higher state of grace, in my mind
...
I'm beautiful, I wasn't born to follow
I live just for today, don't care about tomorrow
What i've got in my head, you can't buy, steal or borrow
I believe in live and let live

I believe you get what you give
I've glimpsed, I have tasted, fantastical places
My soul's an oasis, higher than the sun
I'm higher than the sun