It's a Pity..

it is a pity you already have a wife..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5paJp4BUDA&feature=related

Running Away from Yourself?

trying to run away from yourself...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaOXc7b2YJ4

Daydream

Lady Jill Scott and the boy... and a yummy boy he is too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XOAStfv-v0

We're gonna cause chaos tonight. Fact.

OK tonight it’s my friend’s Hen Night. Woohoo! Never done this before. I feel this is definitely the cherry on the top of my welcome to ‘normal life’ status. Jeez – things just get better all the time!

I'm really looking forward to celebrating with her and the other girls. They’ll be guzzling champagne no doubt served to us by near-naked buff men and I’ll be sipping slimline tonic with ice and if I’m feeling really cheeky – I’ll have a slice of lime with it.

So i soon gonna dye my hair Blue-Black --- then I’m straightening it and scraping it back and putting a really long straight hair piece in it to give me a high pony tail which will go half way down my back.

I’m putting fake tan all over. I’ll lather my body is Shalimar body lotion and I’m making my eyes really, really dark – loadsa eye make up and false lashes. Not too sure what to wear yet though... I’m thinking maybe black jodhpur style leggings, and a black semi-see through but casual t-shirt and black riding style boots and my sheep skin coat.My nails are bright pink.

London, you've been warned.

Hooked, yet?

If you haven't read my book, HOOKED, then I suggest you do... I'd hate you to miss out!! And if you're a fella and don't want to be spotted with a pink and white cover, i understand so DOWNLOAD it!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Confessions-London-Call-Girl/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1298542089&sr=8-1

Someone like You...

these words and her voice will touch your soul,i betcha!

Listen...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wb8IS3ZkiLs&feature=fvst

getting deleted ...

if i get deleted from facebook for a status and private message i have sent to some fucking arsehole, then so be it. I shall set up another account so please find me. I won't block or delete this person because i like to know where pricks like this are. Keep your 'enemies' close, i say.

I can stomach so much and i've been incredibly lucky with people who have shown me encouragement, decency and friendship. For this I am grateful. I have actually never had anyone except 1 person within the first 2 months of me starting my blog and facebook who has been rude to me on this level. Yep, this offender could have be ruder, but for today - I've had my fill.

Sadly, people like this give themselves away as being deeply unhappy in their own lives. No one who is okay with themselves has the inclination to try to belittle or offend someone else who is simply getting on with their life.


As i say, i shall be back again if Big Brother facebook deletes me for my torrent of abuse towards this guy.

Thank you for your very kind words of support. It really means a lot.

ViVa Facebook! and if you're not already there - find me at Clare Gee.





http://www.missygee.com

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

About Me

I am a daughter, a loyal friend, a half sister to many & step sister to a few. I'm great at making coffee and eating ice-cream - preferably at the same time. I am an ex-hooker, ex-cocaine fiend, recovering alcoholic, and still a thoroughly pleasant person who is living in London. I can be a tad paranoid at times and I've been described as neurotic, occasionally, by my closest friends. So what? Some scars take longer to heal than others...

I've survived an intense journey of pain and a compulsion to self- destruct. This started with my mother buggering off, when I was five.

Later came depression, alcohol, drugs, prostitution, sugar daddies, swanky apartments, members' bars & clubs. But what goes up... Eventually this lead to my emotional collapse, then came rehab #1, then rehab #2 and the slow and desperate effort to change my life, my friends, my behaviours, my thinking, my actions, my vices, my everything. Everything had to change.

I speak about it here: http://www.inexcess.tv/?p=10246

I am a woman, a child, strong yet fragile, steardy yet flakey, I give a lot, yet withdraw into myself, i never cry at films, but will cry readily in real life. I love deeply yet i'm scared to be abandoned. Things do change - albeit slowly at times, they can change...

What now? Well, now I'm here telling you how it was for me and exactly what happened. My book which is about how I survived my shambolic life and how I managed to put a stop to it all was published MAY 6th, 2010, by MAINSTREAM PUBLISHING. See it on Amazon, Waterstones, Play.com and a number of other online bookshops as well as being availbale for download.



WARNING: Do not judge this book by its cover.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Confessions-London-Call-Girl/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1296830953&sr=8-1

HOOKED on KINDLE and available to DOWNLOAD, now.

My book HOOKED is available NOW to DOWNLOAD:


'Hooked is a graphic tale of how life as a prostitute really is and what can happen when we search for happiness outside of ourselves. It is a poignant reminder that things can always get better, as long as we remember that when it's time to leave the party, it's time.'


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked/dp/B004K6ME72/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1296828299&sr=1-2

there are always more PET HATES...

Ahhhh, i'm feeling un-grumbly this morning and it just won't do. Not when i fancy writing a list of pet hates... These types of gripes i find amusing, i don't take them seriously at all which is a good thing since I spot them nearly everywhere i go.

Take this morning for an example.
Pet hate 1:

Women that absolutley adore themselves, but not in a 'mean-faced-bitchy' way, you know those ones.... No, the ones who are overly aware of the people around them, fliritng with everyone on a train - and most offensive behaviour - POUTING. Yes, we can all see you've had fillers in your lips and now you want to try and make us believe how 'naturally sexy' you are. But sweetheart, I ain't buying it. If you were so damned sure of yourself, you'd just mind your own business and get on with your day without being desperate to attract attention. And if you think i'm 'jealous'. I make no comment about that. Think what you like.


Ooo, my silence it seems has been broken....

Pet hate 2: This one is 2 fold.

Me:'Would you like a cup of coffee?'

Him: 'Yes please. White with one.'

Right. err.... 'One?' One, what? You're presuming I know you mean one sugar. Please don't presume anything. All I'm now thinking is that you think you sound cool by saying 'with one,' and missing out the word ' sugar', when actually you sound lazy and like a twat. Just say ' one sugar' if that's what you want, okay.

Now, the second part of this gripe:

I ask you if you want a cuppa and you don't even have the basic politeness to look at me when you answer. In this case, if you DO want a drink i may not have the basic manners to keep it in the cup when i hand it to you.


Pet hate 3, before i hand over to yous:

People that answer their own phone by saying, for example: 'Clare's phone.'

WTF! I know whose phone i'm ringing. It was me that made the decision to dial your number in the first place, remember! Declaring whose phone it is that I've just called is NOT a demonstration of you being organised or businesslike - it is simply confusing.

So, here we go -- you call me: Brr, brr... brr, brr....

Me: 'Hello, Clare's phone'

You: 'Oh, hello, is Clare there please?'

Me: 'Speaking'

You: 'Right, err, hi, err...'



It's bloody confusing innit..... You KNEW you were calling Clare's phone already. It was you who decided to call it. And based on the phone that you're ringing is very likely to be a mobile, you presumed that Clare would be answering the said phone anyway. So, why the hell is Clare telling you that you're calling her phone when you already know this???

Crumbs.


What's wrong, with:

Me: ' hello'

You: 'Is that Clare?'

Me: 'Yeah' ... Then you're in business without a load of introducory confusion.

Cripes O'Reilly!




http://www.missygee.com

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

I have a crush..

Final leap with my book this weekend then I'm giving myself a few days rest. Kind of. Will be resting from book work. Hope to still be busy though... We'll see. I have a crush ... ('bout time!) I'm ready ...

Where you gonna sleep tonight?

love this girl's voice - and the words bring back memories...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG5abf-WL4U

January 16th 2011: FACTS

January 16th 2011: FACTS

1.woke up at 13.55.

2.went to meet Kat a friend for coffee and catch up.

3.Had a ham and brie and tomatoe sandwich on granary bread.

4.Had some threading done.

5.Dyed my hair blue-black.

6.had a headache most of the day and felt generally strange. A huge reduction in some tablets Ive been taking is tiring me out and making me feel slightly anxious and odd.

7.worried about my book - and my lack of progress over this weekend. Unable to concentrate on anything.

8.Think my desire for sex again has gone. For good. Its gonna take someone pretty ''WoW' to entice me out of my non-interested phase. I want to meet this person but I'm not gonna search for him.

9.Got another text of this banker guy whose been sniffing around for ages. It turned sexual - again, from his side and i've told him to stop it. It's pissing me off. I think its really rude to be sexually explicit with someone with whom you've never had sex. Call me old fashioned. I am and I'm okay with it.

10.Spoke with L on the phone. Exchanged ideas for a future project I/we'd like to do together.

11.Just eaten a lamb steak with salad.

12.Gonna straighten my hair then get into bed to read. Another early night, for me. Need to re-establish energy and focus ready for another busy week.















http://www.missygee.com

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1

love, books.

This second book is killing me.
I need to get the damn thing finished. It's there. It's all there - I'm just, well, faffing.

I've run out of procrastination ideas - so now I've taken to just staring at my laptop and feeling anxiety.
Why do so many writers that I know spend so much time trying to avoid it?

Oh well...

Had the idea earlier that I want to move abroad.
Trying to run but i can't hide... too must thinking about working and not enough actual work.



maybe listen to this - it's good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTIs-TBwcbk

My first time...

What a month! not the best and certainly not the worst of my life. I've been through worse and survived. So, I'll keep this as brief as possible because I intend to start writing more frequently here again. Yep, you've heard that before.

OK, first - something you should know - i have an unspoken policy - when i break up from a relationship I avoid speaking about the person and what we shared after the event. Here I will mention it because it's very relevant to what's been happening with me recently. Besides the last post i wrote here was an angry 'fuck addiction' cos i feared for my stability and sobriety and after finding out that my boyfriend has started drinking and god knows what that freaked me out and threw me into a spin..
As I stand right now - I am not currently fearing for myself. In fact I am hopeful, very hopeful.
I'm on the mend now. the lurgy is going... It's going and when it's gone I'll be ready to really focus again on finishing my second book and trying to do this documentary thing I've been trying to do.

But sadly a realisation occurred to me: My relationship with Blue has been shattered into many many tiny fragments. It is gone forever and it can never be repeated in any of its parts. It can only be repeated in memory. We are living wholly different lives. We've gone in two totally different directions. I know it's over, I've known it for a while but the extremity to which its over is sad. But with this thought I had another: I've got a gut feeling that Blue is happy. I feel that the direction his life is going right now, for him feels exciting, new and interesting. And that is quite an exciting concept, if this is the case.
I have no idea what he's doing and it's absolutely none of my business. If someone told me they could tell me what's going on with him, now, I wouldn't choose to know - but what I do know is that through this relationship I have grown up a little and I've learned to love.

For the first time I have not been emotionally dependent on the man I'm with. With Blue I was the more 'developed' in terms of self-development and getting my life together, after the havoc of addiction.

For the first time I've been aware of loving someone unconditionally. For the first time I've been more sexually experimental and open with him than I have been with anyone before. He was my first partner to know that I was once a hooker, so I was not carrying secrets. This changed more than i initially realised. For the first time, I accept with respect for him that he must go on the journey he is choosing to go on, regardless of any possibly negative consequences for him. For the first time, I am not consumed with jealousy about him being with other women. I passed this quite a while ago, strangely. I am confident in what the two of us shared to know that he cannot, as I, cannot find the same thing 'just like that'.

For the second time in my life (the first was Alex, the guy in my book) I was lucky enough to experience an utterly compelling and magnetic physical connection with someone. Together we lived a new, exotic fire-ball of sexual energy which on the contrary to feeling sad that I've lost - I am quietly smug that we had that. And what is exhilarating is the knowledge that in spite of the physical connection, if that's there or not in the future - this will not be for the last time that I love as passionately as I did Blue.

I've got a strangely good feeling about what is to come in the next months. I feel more in control of my life than I have done, ever, i think. I'm choosing to not be with another man for now. Even for something casual - I don't want it. That makes me feel calm and in charge of my life. This is the first time where my life is for me and only me and that is a massive personal development.

This is the first time ever in my life that I'm living completely independently and I'm completely single. And you know something else?

This is the first time hat I wouldn't want it any other way.
For now.



A song for ya: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7dMGw3uzEU

Light are blinding : The Streets

lights are blinding my eyes...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7MCbis75wk

Interview

Interview:

http://www.inexcess.tv/?p=10246

Fuck Addiction.

I was a hooker. Sue me. I was a coke whore. Sue me. I used to have a glass with vodka in it, up to my face more often than not. Sue me. For years I did these things. I used people - they used me. I lied, cried and talked shit more than I didn't. I'm none of those things any longer. BUT if I go back to escaping from myself - I know that the mental illness that has fucked me over for so many years will ensue - and I'm unlikely to survive.
My addiction demons lie dormant when I don't abuse myself. They are always there but they are quiet. Recently I haven't been dealing well with powerful emotions and this has awoken strong urges to escape my reality.

Blue, my lover, my friend has relapsed. He's also been lying, lying, lying and continually blaming, blaming, blaming me for the break down in our communication. He's a different man to the one I've known for the past 18months.

I have been so very sad and lost the past days and coming to terms with my inability to be close to him again is a blow. If I continue in the vein I've been in over the past days I will be back to sniffing coke, drinking and selling my arse to pay for it. And honestly? I won't survive it. I have an instinct which I came upon me very powerfully 6.5 years ago when i relapsed for 8 days, that if it ever happened again - I shall not make it.

I get very emotionally sick when I drink and use substances. I do reckless, harmful and erratic things which cause huge amounts of pain. For want of a better way of putting it: a type of madness grips me and I am not accessible to anyone. I become an empty shell. I lived like this for years.

I no longer do the things that cause my life to shatter. And despite the screaming in my head suggesting that I escape my current reality by using chemicals, and in spite of my inability to sleep I have been dragging myself back to NA meetings and reaching out for help. That's exactly what I need right now. Help.

The compulsion to hide from my acute feelings of loss and sadness and anger is upon me. If I am to be anything - right now I must fight; for my sanity and well being.

I am and have been many things in my life. Right now, I am a warrior.
And did I mention that I could scream and scream and scream ?? Well, i could. I could scream the whole fucking place down at this moment.


Here's Britney:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRNivfo-MvI&feature=channel

Christmas greetings!

Say: 'tis the season to be jolly, tra la la la laa, la la la laaaa'. Now say it again without singing it.

Billie Holiday

'I'll say I'll move the mountains, and I'll move the mountains-- if he wants them out of the way ...'

Music like this give me hope as a human being.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mitLcbHHz8&feature=related