i'm a little bit excited!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOx81aG-EN4
Monday, 23 May 2011
Monday, 16 May 2011
Weekend Antics.
I'm back in London after having spent the weekend in Yorkshire with HD - my honourary dad. I went up there mainly to buy him a laptop and to set him up with wireless internet etc. So as I'm sure you can imagine there was a number of tense moments since neither of us really knew what we were doing when it comes to technology. Anyway, I did my good deed and proudly got him online, eventually. It took 2 days, but we got there.
So while in Yorkshire I met with a guy whom I first met 5 years ago. I had a one night stand with this guy; my first time doing that soberly. This guy lives abroad in a tax haven in the middle of no where so it was never part of the deal to try and get involved in anything more that a mutually beneficial night-long liaison.
Somehow, and against all odds the two of us have kept in contact. Only periodically, but still we've managed it. Weird innit. I think so too.
So the other day this guy randomly text me to say that he'll be in Yorkshire during the same weekend as I was. What a coincidence. This has happened before but we've never met up. Sooo, my friends, after 5 years of not seeing each other -- we met up on sunday. What an afternoon. I'm not gonna say too much about it except it was fun, funny, and exciting. We kissed and stuff and the whole experience was surreal. He's as handsome as I remember him and I hoped to God I was how he remembered me. He was the one who when we first met was wearing beer goggles, not me. I wasn't drinking at all. Well, not alcohol.
'You look exactly the same as I remember you, except you've lost weight' he told me.We talked more than I remember us talking that first night and it was nice to get to know him better other than via texts.
God, the whole thing was funny and unusual. He's a right successful bugger it seems; and down to earth, sensitive, clever, funny and I like how he dresses. He's in his late thirties, own company, 6'2ish, and solid. His cuddles were strong but not suffocating and the way he touched my er, hands as we talked, was firmly. I like that. No messing.
I've no doubt that nothing will change between us. I don't want it to. It doesn't need to. We'll keep in contact and maybe see each other and repeat the escapades of the two times that we've met, in another 5 years ...
So, onward... I've had 2 texts from the random hot guy that stopped me on the underground last wednesday. I've decided that if he doesn't suggest that we meet this week, then I'm leaving it.There's no point to it otherwise. I'm not into texting a guy whom I don't know, without an end result in sight. In this case, meeting up for coffee or lunch or whatever.
We don't have to meet this week, but he needs to suggest that we do. If he doesn't, I shall take that as a lack of enthusiasm or a fear that he will get caught by the partner that he's denied having. If he does have a girlfriend he'd be better off coming clean about it , cos i wont hesitate to tell him about himself if I meet him and THEN he tells me he's with someone.
N.i.g.g.a play your position.
So while in Yorkshire I met with a guy whom I first met 5 years ago. I had a one night stand with this guy; my first time doing that soberly. This guy lives abroad in a tax haven in the middle of no where so it was never part of the deal to try and get involved in anything more that a mutually beneficial night-long liaison.
Somehow, and against all odds the two of us have kept in contact. Only periodically, but still we've managed it. Weird innit. I think so too.
So the other day this guy randomly text me to say that he'll be in Yorkshire during the same weekend as I was. What a coincidence. This has happened before but we've never met up. Sooo, my friends, after 5 years of not seeing each other -- we met up on sunday. What an afternoon. I'm not gonna say too much about it except it was fun, funny, and exciting. We kissed and stuff and the whole experience was surreal. He's as handsome as I remember him and I hoped to God I was how he remembered me. He was the one who when we first met was wearing beer goggles, not me. I wasn't drinking at all. Well, not alcohol.
'You look exactly the same as I remember you, except you've lost weight' he told me.We talked more than I remember us talking that first night and it was nice to get to know him better other than via texts.
God, the whole thing was funny and unusual. He's a right successful bugger it seems; and down to earth, sensitive, clever, funny and I like how he dresses. He's in his late thirties, own company, 6'2ish, and solid. His cuddles were strong but not suffocating and the way he touched my er, hands as we talked, was firmly. I like that. No messing.
I've no doubt that nothing will change between us. I don't want it to. It doesn't need to. We'll keep in contact and maybe see each other and repeat the escapades of the two times that we've met, in another 5 years ...
So, onward... I've had 2 texts from the random hot guy that stopped me on the underground last wednesday. I've decided that if he doesn't suggest that we meet this week, then I'm leaving it.There's no point to it otherwise. I'm not into texting a guy whom I don't know, without an end result in sight. In this case, meeting up for coffee or lunch or whatever.
We don't have to meet this week, but he needs to suggest that we do. If he doesn't, I shall take that as a lack of enthusiasm or a fear that he will get caught by the partner that he's denied having. If he does have a girlfriend he'd be better off coming clean about it , cos i wont hesitate to tell him about himself if I meet him and THEN he tells me he's with someone.
N.i.g.g.a play your position.
You're not special !
OK, let's break this down...
Me: 'So you definitely don't have a girlfriend?'
Him: 'I've got no one in my life.'
But I'm laying naked right next to you. So that's one person who is currently in your life. I'm not exactly a hollogram. And judging him by how he looks, he'll definitely be banging more than one woman so he definitely has people in his life.
I think there's a word missing here. I think he omitted the word 'special'.
Right. So that's how it is... I'm not special.
I'm not fucking special? Yes I am. I'm very special. Seemingly not to him, but I'm most definitely special.
'You look too deeply into things' He says when I question him.
'You know something? I don't. I respond. I'm just one step ahead of you - make that two since you don't even know it.
I could create a long list of my special attributes, but i'm not going to justify who I am. Instead when he calls again I'm just gonna walk on by...
Me: 'So you definitely don't have a girlfriend?'
Him: 'I've got no one in my life.'
But I'm laying naked right next to you. So that's one person who is currently in your life. I'm not exactly a hollogram. And judging him by how he looks, he'll definitely be banging more than one woman so he definitely has people in his life.
I think there's a word missing here. I think he omitted the word 'special'.
Right. So that's how it is... I'm not special.
I'm not fucking special? Yes I am. I'm very special. Seemingly not to him, but I'm most definitely special.
'You look too deeply into things' He says when I question him.
'You know something? I don't. I respond. I'm just one step ahead of you - make that two since you don't even know it.
I could create a long list of my special attributes, but i'm not going to justify who I am. Instead when he calls again I'm just gonna walk on by...
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
On the radio
Tmrw - wednesday, 11th May I'm on BBC London radio 94.9fm @ 11pm. listen if you can, altho i know its late. You'll find it on i-player at a later date, if you prefer.
sex, watches, radio shows, and Barcelona
It’s been ages since I wrote a post. A fair amount has gone on since the last one. Kind of. A lot of Arrgh and haa! Also a fair amount of neurosis, lots of lack of sleep, a lot of plotting, scheming and thinking about my plans for world literary domination yet still I've done very little. Or maybe not. Maybe I've actually done quite a lot recently. I'm hard on myself quite often. ‘You worry a lot’ said the model, last night. Yep, I do. I also laugh a fuck of a lot, think ‘to hell with that/them’ more often than you may think, and I allow waves of elation to ripple over me due to excitement about what I know I can achieve in my life.
But yes, recent days have been immensely unsettled for me. For a few reasons but nothing I'm gonna mention.
What would I say to a friend who has been going through what I’ve been going through? Be nice to yourself, take a break, remember life isn't all about taking leaps forwards but sometimes small steps will get us more precisely to the place we wanna go. I'd say something like that, then I'd probably say: ‘ Have a bit of sex that'll release some tension.’
And so I did. Last night. With the model.
Yep, he's nice. He's nice. Not sure what else to say...could blab a bit, but I won't. So in a rare moment of taciturnity I shall remain silent on this matter. Needless to say I had a delicious time.
So as you may or may not know or remember - since I've haven’t written about it - I went to Barcelona with a friend recently. The friend was, and still is female and we had a fantastic time together for those few days. She's funny as hell and together we bounced off each other and a lovely time was had by both.
I vowed to be 'badly behaved' once I'd got there and these days for me, this amounts to something related to sexual activity.
‘Was there any?’
‘Er, what?’
‘Bad beahaviour?’
‘Er, nope.’
It's just wrong innit? Two pretty and single women en Espana and neither of us got laid. There's one time, which always involved drinking, bars and clubs that I'd have been bewildered and disappointed if I hadn’t screwed someone during a 4 days trip abroad. These days, I don’t realistically expect to. And in my own defence I would like to state at this point that I COULD, of course I could, but I don’t generally find myself falling onto a random person’s cock stone sober. Unless, the guy is REALLY fukin hot and I'm feeling REALLY fukin upferrit and I'm convinced that he'll REALY give me what I want. Anyway, the few sunny days were spent with Gaudi, Picasso and coffee, drunk at street cafes while we watched the pretty Spanish boys stroll by. And observed the English who stood out like beacons of white in an otherwise colourful landscape.
Other than this, I’ve recently bought the Cartier watch that I've wanted to treat myself to for some time. I'm proud that I've bought this for myself and it’s money legitimately and 'cleanly' earned. It wasn't a gift, a bribe, or from a punter. Nope, it was thanks to my bloody hard work over the last couple of years, writing.
I had a good meeting with the publishers this morning at the Groucho. I feel energised and ready to take this by the balls. What? Well, pretty much everything. Everything that I can control myself, that means, writing and the goals I have for my near future.
By the way: I'm on the radio tomorrow night (tues 11th May) @ 11pm. BBC London 94.9 fm.
Late, I know, but listen if you can. Otherwise I-player it, innit.
But yes, recent days have been immensely unsettled for me. For a few reasons but nothing I'm gonna mention.
What would I say to a friend who has been going through what I’ve been going through? Be nice to yourself, take a break, remember life isn't all about taking leaps forwards but sometimes small steps will get us more precisely to the place we wanna go. I'd say something like that, then I'd probably say: ‘ Have a bit of sex that'll release some tension.’
And so I did. Last night. With the model.
Yep, he's nice. He's nice. Not sure what else to say...could blab a bit, but I won't. So in a rare moment of taciturnity I shall remain silent on this matter. Needless to say I had a delicious time.
So as you may or may not know or remember - since I've haven’t written about it - I went to Barcelona with a friend recently. The friend was, and still is female and we had a fantastic time together for those few days. She's funny as hell and together we bounced off each other and a lovely time was had by both.
I vowed to be 'badly behaved' once I'd got there and these days for me, this amounts to something related to sexual activity.
‘Was there any?’
‘Er, what?’
‘Bad beahaviour?’
‘Er, nope.’
It's just wrong innit? Two pretty and single women en Espana and neither of us got laid. There's one time, which always involved drinking, bars and clubs that I'd have been bewildered and disappointed if I hadn’t screwed someone during a 4 days trip abroad. These days, I don’t realistically expect to. And in my own defence I would like to state at this point that I COULD, of course I could, but I don’t generally find myself falling onto a random person’s cock stone sober. Unless, the guy is REALLY fukin hot and I'm feeling REALLY fukin upferrit and I'm convinced that he'll REALY give me what I want. Anyway, the few sunny days were spent with Gaudi, Picasso and coffee, drunk at street cafes while we watched the pretty Spanish boys stroll by. And observed the English who stood out like beacons of white in an otherwise colourful landscape.
Other than this, I’ve recently bought the Cartier watch that I've wanted to treat myself to for some time. I'm proud that I've bought this for myself and it’s money legitimately and 'cleanly' earned. It wasn't a gift, a bribe, or from a punter. Nope, it was thanks to my bloody hard work over the last couple of years, writing.
I had a good meeting with the publishers this morning at the Groucho. I feel energised and ready to take this by the balls. What? Well, pretty much everything. Everything that I can control myself, that means, writing and the goals I have for my near future.
By the way: I'm on the radio tomorrow night (tues 11th May) @ 11pm. BBC London 94.9 fm.
Late, I know, but listen if you can. Otherwise I-player it, innit.
Sunday, 8 May 2011
Saturday, 7 May 2011
Monday, 25 April 2011
sounding like a c**t !
OK, done the botox, doing the teeth bleaching tmrw, the boob job is old news..
going to Barcelona on friday, so what's missing now?? Ahh... a Cartier watch. I sound like an absolute c**t, right? yup! :o)
(i've worked hard for this, I deserve to treat myself, i say)
going to Barcelona on friday, so what's missing now?? Ahh... a Cartier watch. I sound like an absolute c**t, right? yup! :o)
(i've worked hard for this, I deserve to treat myself, i say)
Friday, 22 April 2011
Thursday, 21 April 2011
Mouthing Off.
ABSOLUTELY RANDOM thought:
If you question if someone you're interested in is interested in you it's probably because they're not showing an interest in you.
Think about it - by the nature of the word interest - if you're 'interested' in something or someone you want to know them, right? You want to understand everything, to watch, to be taught, to listen, to be shown, to give the same back...
If he/she isn't showing you that he/she is into you then he/she is probably not.
And what's this 'Treat 'em mean to keep 'em kean?' rubbish. Get a grip. I'm not a teenager and I don't have low self-worth and you know something? I've been treated like an Empress by men who are worthy of being Emperors, before you came along. ..
Can you believethat inspite of what I'm saying, which I'm sure you will perceive as me being moody, I am actually feeling very jolly today. I'm in a really good spirits. Who wouldn't be? It's gorgeous weather in London - 26*
I'm feeling focused with my plans and aims for the next 12 months, and right now in this moment I'm content within myself. My flat's looking lovely. The decorating has gone better than can be hoped coming from a sometimes impatient, wanna-see-it-all-done-in-an-instant-kinda girl. There's a long and supposedly hot weekend coming, and, well, tonight I'm, you know... making it hotter.
No, no, it's not the model.
Now, there's a classic example of someone who is not 'interested'... not in me and who I am anyway. And you know what i think? I'm fuckin interesting and if someone doesn't see that, whoever they are then I don't try and open their eyes. I just think fuck it.
So for my friends who are treading water at this time ( and u know who you are) please remember that you are important ... And if i was going through what you're feeling right now then what would you say to me?
Treat yourself as you'd treat a friend.
Hard as this feels at times, you may as well give it a whirl... It's too sunny out there to be feeling grey.
http://www.thebookseller.com/news/mainstream-acquires-hooked-follow.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter
If you question if someone you're interested in is interested in you it's probably because they're not showing an interest in you.
Think about it - by the nature of the word interest - if you're 'interested' in something or someone you want to know them, right? You want to understand everything, to watch, to be taught, to listen, to be shown, to give the same back...
If he/she isn't showing you that he/she is into you then he/she is probably not.
And what's this 'Treat 'em mean to keep 'em kean?' rubbish. Get a grip. I'm not a teenager and I don't have low self-worth and you know something? I've been treated like an Empress by men who are worthy of being Emperors, before you came along. ..
Can you believethat inspite of what I'm saying, which I'm sure you will perceive as me being moody, I am actually feeling very jolly today. I'm in a really good spirits. Who wouldn't be? It's gorgeous weather in London - 26*
I'm feeling focused with my plans and aims for the next 12 months, and right now in this moment I'm content within myself. My flat's looking lovely. The decorating has gone better than can be hoped coming from a sometimes impatient, wanna-see-it-all-done-in-an-instant-kinda girl. There's a long and supposedly hot weekend coming, and, well, tonight I'm, you know... making it hotter.
No, no, it's not the model.
Now, there's a classic example of someone who is not 'interested'... not in me and who I am anyway. And you know what i think? I'm fuckin interesting and if someone doesn't see that, whoever they are then I don't try and open their eyes. I just think fuck it.
So for my friends who are treading water at this time ( and u know who you are) please remember that you are important ... And if i was going through what you're feeling right now then what would you say to me?
Treat yourself as you'd treat a friend.
Hard as this feels at times, you may as well give it a whirl... It's too sunny out there to be feeling grey.
http://www.thebookseller.com/news/mainstream-acquires-hooked-follow.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
Press blurb about my 2nd Book
In The Bookseller, today.
19.04.11
Mainstream Publishing has acquired a second title by Hooked author Clare Gee.
Joint m.d. Bill Campbell acquired world rights to the as yet untitled book from Isabel Atherton at Creative Authors Ltd.
Hooked, Gee's debut, told the story of her life as a prostitute and addiction to drugs. The follow-up will be a fictionalised account of her experience in a residential drug rehabilitation facility.
"Following the massive success of Hooked, we are absolutely delighted to be working with Clare again," Campbell said. "For her legions of fans online, and all those who caught a glimpse of Clare's troubled life of addiction in Hooked, her second book will be an eagerly awaited follow-up, tracking the steady, often rocky, and always moving, journey back from the brink."
Hooked was published in May 2010 and was Mainstream's bestselling title of that year, selling more than 30,000 copies according to the publisher, which also highlighted it as one of its most successful books.
19.04.11
Mainstream Publishing has acquired a second title by Hooked author Clare Gee.
Joint m.d. Bill Campbell acquired world rights to the as yet untitled book from Isabel Atherton at Creative Authors Ltd.
Hooked, Gee's debut, told the story of her life as a prostitute and addiction to drugs. The follow-up will be a fictionalised account of her experience in a residential drug rehabilitation facility.
"Following the massive success of Hooked, we are absolutely delighted to be working with Clare again," Campbell said. "For her legions of fans online, and all those who caught a glimpse of Clare's troubled life of addiction in Hooked, her second book will be an eagerly awaited follow-up, tracking the steady, often rocky, and always moving, journey back from the brink."
Hooked was published in May 2010 and was Mainstream's bestselling title of that year, selling more than 30,000 copies according to the publisher, which also highlighted it as one of its most successful books.
PLS read.
Pls click on the link below
Sooo exciting! I'm absolutely chuffed!!
http://www.thebookseller.com/news/mainstream-acquires-hooked-follow.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter
Sooo exciting! I'm absolutely chuffed!!
http://www.thebookseller.com/news/mainstream-acquires-hooked-follow.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter
Monday, 18 April 2011
I can feel it...
I can feel it.
Its just around the corner... if it was a colour itd be orange. If it was a shape it would be a square with rounded edges. If it was a sentiment itd be an excited smile. If it was an animal, itd be a Doberman. And if it had a smell itd be that scent when you're laying in a bed after having had a lot of sex while a bubble bath is being run for you.Itd smell of an exact combination of musk and freshness.
Its just around the corner... if it was a colour itd be orange. If it was a shape it would be a square with rounded edges. If it was a sentiment itd be an excited smile. If it was an animal, itd be a Doberman. And if it had a smell itd be that scent when you're laying in a bed after having had a lot of sex while a bubble bath is being run for you.Itd smell of an exact combination of musk and freshness.
Friday, 15 April 2011
A quick Catch-up.
Hello, hello ... justa quickie. We all like the occasional quickie, i guess, so come over here and get a loada this...
Gonna hovver on and off faceook for some time until I become fixated on my work once again. Im not there yet.n I'm getting back into it, but I'm not yet immersed. Once i am, i can keep the fb account open without fear of procrastinating by faffing around on here because nothing then comes between me and writing.
So what's been happeneing? I had botox for the first time. love it. Still need to wait a few days for it to fully kick in. My friend, K and I have been sprucing up my flat.
The reason for this? Well, there's a couple of reasons:
1. I want to. ( my usual reason for doing most things)
2. I'm preparing myself for a summer romance.
Now, you may wonder with whom. I wonder with whom, myself. But it's going to happen. When I think stuff then it's up to me to make it happen. Thankfully living in London there is an abundance of goodlooking F.I.T men. And NO, he wont be married or attached. Absolutely, no fuckin way.
Is it the model? Is it heck. He's luscious, but it wont be him. You know, sometimes you just understand some things in life and reasons may not be wholly defineable and not worth questioning too much - you just know that some things wouldn't cause harmony.
The model is very self-absorbed and i deplore this in a man i'm spending time with. I'm not used to it, I like attention too. I don't intend to get used to it and thankfully for me, his looks do not blind me. I appreciate anything pretty - but take 'em or leave 'em.
So, a hot, sexxxy, pampering-filled, affection-laidened summer tet a tet is on the adgenda for me soon, along with lots of writing, a holiday and spending lots of time with friends is what i've got planned.
But first, tonight I'm meeting Mark for dinner. My Mark; my dearest everlasting love. He is Jim, in my book. I haven't seen him for yonks and i'm excited to get together with him. He's in London for a few days setting up a gallery in which to exhibit his works.
http://www.missygee.com
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1
Gonna hovver on and off faceook for some time until I become fixated on my work once again. Im not there yet.n I'm getting back into it, but I'm not yet immersed. Once i am, i can keep the fb account open without fear of procrastinating by faffing around on here because nothing then comes between me and writing.
So what's been happeneing? I had botox for the first time. love it. Still need to wait a few days for it to fully kick in. My friend, K and I have been sprucing up my flat.
The reason for this? Well, there's a couple of reasons:
1. I want to. ( my usual reason for doing most things)
2. I'm preparing myself for a summer romance.
Now, you may wonder with whom. I wonder with whom, myself. But it's going to happen. When I think stuff then it's up to me to make it happen. Thankfully living in London there is an abundance of goodlooking F.I.T men. And NO, he wont be married or attached. Absolutely, no fuckin way.
Is it the model? Is it heck. He's luscious, but it wont be him. You know, sometimes you just understand some things in life and reasons may not be wholly defineable and not worth questioning too much - you just know that some things wouldn't cause harmony.
The model is very self-absorbed and i deplore this in a man i'm spending time with. I'm not used to it, I like attention too. I don't intend to get used to it and thankfully for me, his looks do not blind me. I appreciate anything pretty - but take 'em or leave 'em.
So, a hot, sexxxy, pampering-filled, affection-laidened summer tet a tet is on the adgenda for me soon, along with lots of writing, a holiday and spending lots of time with friends is what i've got planned.
But first, tonight I'm meeting Mark for dinner. My Mark; my dearest everlasting love. He is Jim, in my book. I haven't seen him for yonks and i'm excited to get together with him. He's in London for a few days setting up a gallery in which to exhibit his works.
http://www.missygee.com
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
Today: 12th April
I'm taking a break from facebook... must focus on my shiiiiit.
Quotes for today:
"The Empire Strikes Back" Darth Vader.
"Two books does not an Empire make." Me
"I'm just going outside (of facebook) I may be some time" Captain Oates
To you all: "Keep on being the cutest trick in shoe leather." Rhett Butler.
...Laydees: " If it has wheels or bollocks, expect trouble"
Gentlemen: "If it floats, flies or fucks rent it".
Quotes for today:
"The Empire Strikes Back" Darth Vader.
"Two books does not an Empire make." Me
"I'm just going outside (of facebook) I may be some time" Captain Oates
To you all: "Keep on being the cutest trick in shoe leather." Rhett Butler.
...Laydees: " If it has wheels or bollocks, expect trouble"
Gentlemen: "If it floats, flies or fucks rent it".
Monday, 11 April 2011
I wore nothing but fish-net hold-ups, heels, and a black coat.
Gosh, where do I start... Well.... what a delightful couple of days. Fookin' 'ell.
The Model... Yep, the same one I was with twice in the last month. The one with whom I have a rather powerful sexual connection. The one I've grumbled to you that we have nothing in common outside of sex; even though I don't actually know him. But we've both been so closed.The one who I've said is not affectionate, therefore I am not. He's distant, doesn't listen and is vague about well, detail. Of course I haven't said any of the above thoughts to him until last night the topic came up about his mind being easily distracted. I teased him and he took it well. 'It's not personal. it's how i am' he said. Fine. I was OK with that... this is only the third time of seeing him.
So you can tell already just by the fact that this conversation took place - there has been a shift in our communication, which was lovely. Last night was the most relaxed, most affectionate, probably the sexiest, most at ease time we've spent together. He somehow seemed more 'human.' He had more of a personality, and he was more comfortable with me and I with him... Anyway, c'mon! You don't really care about that , do ya, eh?!
You want sex, sex, sex, right? And so you shall get it, my friends. So...
I went to meet him and he opened the door and I was wearing heels, fishnet hold-ups and a black coat.
He'd suggested this, but I'd ignored his comment but of course had logged it... Afterall he's indulged me in a couple of small fantasies... I knocked on the door, had my coat open, and his face was that of complete excitement. He fookin' L.O.V.E.D.I.T !!!!
He breathed 'hi' as we began kissing,caressing...
Gosh, I'm not sure what it is, but literally every movement I feel. He's not at all hap hazard. He's gentle and, god, well, he totally gets into the moment. You see, as a rule, I kinda don't . Not until I feel utterly comfortable with someone- but with this guy, I seem to be intoxicated by something, and I'm straight into the moment.
I have a thing about breath. I like it., if I'm really into the person I'm with. I'm sure the chemicals that unite people sexually can be found in the breath as well as sweat. Most breath does nothing for me, or I don't ever want it near me - but this guy, well, there's just something there. Blimey O'Reilly.
Anyway, we had a gloriously erotic time, which was sensual, for the most part. He's commanding, physically and I bloody love that. And by that, i don't mean he roughs me up and orders me around - although he could if he wanted - just a little, mind.... he stays close to me. The contact is very close. Hmmm...
I need to be careful though. And I will be, In fact I am being. Potentially i could be in trouble with regards getting emotionally involved. And since this can't turn into anything more I need to keep myself in check.
Yikes... So, we went for dinner, which was lovely and the atmosphere between us was better than it has been before... then we went back for more saucy erotica. This time was, welll..... what can i say, you can tell I'm gushing about the whole evening, kinda thing... He's away now for 3 weeks, so at least that give time for me to get a grip - haha! not that I've lost my grip - but it allows time for me to do my thing and brush it to one side. I resent the idea of me thinking about a man and them not thinking about me. And even if i suspect that a guy is not thinking about me- then I don't like to think about them.
Yep, childish, I know. But that's how it is.
The Model... Yep, the same one I was with twice in the last month. The one with whom I have a rather powerful sexual connection. The one I've grumbled to you that we have nothing in common outside of sex; even though I don't actually know him. But we've both been so closed.The one who I've said is not affectionate, therefore I am not. He's distant, doesn't listen and is vague about well, detail. Of course I haven't said any of the above thoughts to him until last night the topic came up about his mind being easily distracted. I teased him and he took it well. 'It's not personal. it's how i am' he said. Fine. I was OK with that... this is only the third time of seeing him.
So you can tell already just by the fact that this conversation took place - there has been a shift in our communication, which was lovely. Last night was the most relaxed, most affectionate, probably the sexiest, most at ease time we've spent together. He somehow seemed more 'human.' He had more of a personality, and he was more comfortable with me and I with him... Anyway, c'mon! You don't really care about that , do ya, eh?!
You want sex, sex, sex, right? And so you shall get it, my friends. So...
I went to meet him and he opened the door and I was wearing heels, fishnet hold-ups and a black coat.
He'd suggested this, but I'd ignored his comment but of course had logged it... Afterall he's indulged me in a couple of small fantasies... I knocked on the door, had my coat open, and his face was that of complete excitement. He fookin' L.O.V.E.D.I.T !!!!
He breathed 'hi' as we began kissing,caressing...
Gosh, I'm not sure what it is, but literally every movement I feel. He's not at all hap hazard. He's gentle and, god, well, he totally gets into the moment. You see, as a rule, I kinda don't . Not until I feel utterly comfortable with someone- but with this guy, I seem to be intoxicated by something, and I'm straight into the moment.
I have a thing about breath. I like it., if I'm really into the person I'm with. I'm sure the chemicals that unite people sexually can be found in the breath as well as sweat. Most breath does nothing for me, or I don't ever want it near me - but this guy, well, there's just something there. Blimey O'Reilly.
Anyway, we had a gloriously erotic time, which was sensual, for the most part. He's commanding, physically and I bloody love that. And by that, i don't mean he roughs me up and orders me around - although he could if he wanted - just a little, mind.... he stays close to me. The contact is very close. Hmmm...
I need to be careful though. And I will be, In fact I am being. Potentially i could be in trouble with regards getting emotionally involved. And since this can't turn into anything more I need to keep myself in check.
Yikes... So, we went for dinner, which was lovely and the atmosphere between us was better than it has been before... then we went back for more saucy erotica. This time was, welll..... what can i say, you can tell I'm gushing about the whole evening, kinda thing... He's away now for 3 weeks, so at least that give time for me to get a grip - haha! not that I've lost my grip - but it allows time for me to do my thing and brush it to one side. I resent the idea of me thinking about a man and them not thinking about me. And even if i suspect that a guy is not thinking about me- then I don't like to think about them.
Yep, childish, I know. But that's how it is.
Thursday, 7 April 2011
Second Book Deal
I have just got my second book deal!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
Put this in your Pipe and Smoke it.
So after writing this status on my facebook page — ‘ if you really think you can get passed the average woman with your slippery ways. Please re-evaluate your perception of yourself; or at least have the humility to accept that you may not be quite as clever as you think.’
Someone has asked me, in a very kind way, this: ‘Where is the Clare from 6 months ago? You seem to have lost you happy status. It’s so sad to see. I miss the old Clare.’
So, I’ve been thinking... Where is the ‘old’ Clare from 6 months ago? Well, first she’s getting older - and I’m dreading the thought. My birthday next month and I’m gonna be in my mid thirties. Ouch. But at least it’s a sign that I am alive.
OK, so lets go back 6 months, eh? Who was Clare 6 months ago, compared to now? I’ve been accused of changing (thank God, stagnation terrifies me).
Six months ago, my friends, I was in the midst of a long and painful breakup. My heart felt like it was breaking every day. I was trying to make a relationship work with a man who was about to relapse. I was anxious all the time, not sleeping properly for weeks at a time, not eating properly and I managed to get myself 2 disciplinaries at work. My relationship finally broke up in a very callous manner, and I was a wreck. I feared for my sanity, I felt abandoned, alone and scared for my sobriety. I felt I was on the verge of relapse, myself.
My relationship with my father broke down again, and we haven’t spoken now for months. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to continue living because i felt depressed and the reduction in some medication I’d been taking for years, didn’t help my emotional stability. I was worrying about my ability to be able to deliver a decent second book – and this was enough to make me question my worth.
I somehow managed to get into this year, still breathing, and still having a desire to fulfill my ambitions so 4 months ago I threw myself into completing my second book.
Sometimes life is difficult. For everyone. Emotions can make me want to throw myself off a bridge. That's just me. And sometimes facebook status’s are happy and sometimes they’re bland and sometimes they’re sad or angry.
This is part of life; my life. If I write a seemingly ‘negative’ status or make a direct non-frilly comment to someone, this does not mean that I, Clare, has fundamentally changed, or my general happiness levels are in the gutter.
But if you want to know what’s happening today – which of course is the day that the status in question was produced. Today, as for the past 2 weeks I’ve been waiting, waiting, waiting for my fate to be handed to me by strangers. This means the potential publishers of my second book. I’ve not slept properly the past 2 nights, i’m due on my period, i’m tired and I’m fuking anxious to hear from the publishers. Sad as it may seem – this book is EVERYTHING to me.
I wrote a status today based on some thoughts I had after speaking to someone about something. I thought it, and I wrote it because I can.
I am still, Clare. Yes, angrier recently – I’m anxious. Today I’ve been erratic, demanding, grouchy, impatient and intolerant of unrealistic sweeping statements about my loss of happiness because of one or three, or four, or six recent snipey facebook statues.
I am female and with that carries many expectations, often from men. I am not sickly sweet all the time or even most of it. I have worries and I express them. Perhaps due to growing confidence in who I am and less desire to be who you want me to be – I tell things more directly these days than I did, say 6 – 12 months ago. I am growing into the woman I wish I’d been many years ago. Perhaps I wouldn’t have allowed so much abuse to happen to me, had I been this way.
If you notice a change in me this does not mean that I, as a whole, is a different woman. It means that today, in this moment, I am telling you how it is. And if you put it in your pipe and it stinks – then so be it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2wSpm9q1bI
Someone has asked me, in a very kind way, this: ‘Where is the Clare from 6 months ago? You seem to have lost you happy status. It’s so sad to see. I miss the old Clare.’
So, I’ve been thinking... Where is the ‘old’ Clare from 6 months ago? Well, first she’s getting older - and I’m dreading the thought. My birthday next month and I’m gonna be in my mid thirties. Ouch. But at least it’s a sign that I am alive.
OK, so lets go back 6 months, eh? Who was Clare 6 months ago, compared to now? I’ve been accused of changing (thank God, stagnation terrifies me).
Six months ago, my friends, I was in the midst of a long and painful breakup. My heart felt like it was breaking every day. I was trying to make a relationship work with a man who was about to relapse. I was anxious all the time, not sleeping properly for weeks at a time, not eating properly and I managed to get myself 2 disciplinaries at work. My relationship finally broke up in a very callous manner, and I was a wreck. I feared for my sanity, I felt abandoned, alone and scared for my sobriety. I felt I was on the verge of relapse, myself.
My relationship with my father broke down again, and we haven’t spoken now for months. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to continue living because i felt depressed and the reduction in some medication I’d been taking for years, didn’t help my emotional stability. I was worrying about my ability to be able to deliver a decent second book – and this was enough to make me question my worth.
I somehow managed to get into this year, still breathing, and still having a desire to fulfill my ambitions so 4 months ago I threw myself into completing my second book.
Sometimes life is difficult. For everyone. Emotions can make me want to throw myself off a bridge. That's just me. And sometimes facebook status’s are happy and sometimes they’re bland and sometimes they’re sad or angry.
This is part of life; my life. If I write a seemingly ‘negative’ status or make a direct non-frilly comment to someone, this does not mean that I, Clare, has fundamentally changed, or my general happiness levels are in the gutter.
But if you want to know what’s happening today – which of course is the day that the status in question was produced. Today, as for the past 2 weeks I’ve been waiting, waiting, waiting for my fate to be handed to me by strangers. This means the potential publishers of my second book. I’ve not slept properly the past 2 nights, i’m due on my period, i’m tired and I’m fuking anxious to hear from the publishers. Sad as it may seem – this book is EVERYTHING to me.
I wrote a status today based on some thoughts I had after speaking to someone about something. I thought it, and I wrote it because I can.
I am still, Clare. Yes, angrier recently – I’m anxious. Today I’ve been erratic, demanding, grouchy, impatient and intolerant of unrealistic sweeping statements about my loss of happiness because of one or three, or four, or six recent snipey facebook statues.
I am female and with that carries many expectations, often from men. I am not sickly sweet all the time or even most of it. I have worries and I express them. Perhaps due to growing confidence in who I am and less desire to be who you want me to be – I tell things more directly these days than I did, say 6 – 12 months ago. I am growing into the woman I wish I’d been many years ago. Perhaps I wouldn’t have allowed so much abuse to happen to me, had I been this way.
If you notice a change in me this does not mean that I, as a whole, is a different woman. It means that today, in this moment, I am telling you how it is. And if you put it in your pipe and it stinks – then so be it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2wSpm9q1bI
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