Saturday, 22 January 2011
I have a crush..
Final leap with my book this weekend then I'm giving myself a few days rest. Kind of. Will be resting from book work. Hope to still be busy though... We'll see. I have a crush ... ('bout time!) I'm ready ...
Where you gonna sleep tonight?
love this girl's voice - and the words bring back memories...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG5abf-WL4U
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG5abf-WL4U
Sunday, 16 January 2011
January 16th 2011: FACTS
January 16th 2011: FACTS
1.woke up at 13.55.
2.went to meet Kat a friend for coffee and catch up.
3.Had a ham and brie and tomatoe sandwich on granary bread.
4.Had some threading done.
5.Dyed my hair blue-black.
6.had a headache most of the day and felt generally strange. A huge reduction in some tablets Ive been taking is tiring me out and making me feel slightly anxious and odd.
7.worried about my book - and my lack of progress over this weekend. Unable to concentrate on anything.
8.Think my desire for sex again has gone. For good. Its gonna take someone pretty ''WoW' to entice me out of my non-interested phase. I want to meet this person but I'm not gonna search for him.
9.Got another text of this banker guy whose been sniffing around for ages. It turned sexual - again, from his side and i've told him to stop it. It's pissing me off. I think its really rude to be sexually explicit with someone with whom you've never had sex. Call me old fashioned. I am and I'm okay with it.
10.Spoke with L on the phone. Exchanged ideas for a future project I/we'd like to do together.
11.Just eaten a lamb steak with salad.
12.Gonna straighten my hair then get into bed to read. Another early night, for me. Need to re-establish energy and focus ready for another busy week.
http://www.missygee.com
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1
1.woke up at 13.55.
2.went to meet Kat a friend for coffee and catch up.
3.Had a ham and brie and tomatoe sandwich on granary bread.
4.Had some threading done.
5.Dyed my hair blue-black.
6.had a headache most of the day and felt generally strange. A huge reduction in some tablets Ive been taking is tiring me out and making me feel slightly anxious and odd.
7.worried about my book - and my lack of progress over this weekend. Unable to concentrate on anything.
8.Think my desire for sex again has gone. For good. Its gonna take someone pretty ''WoW' to entice me out of my non-interested phase. I want to meet this person but I'm not gonna search for him.
9.Got another text of this banker guy whose been sniffing around for ages. It turned sexual - again, from his side and i've told him to stop it. It's pissing me off. I think its really rude to be sexually explicit with someone with whom you've never had sex. Call me old fashioned. I am and I'm okay with it.
10.Spoke with L on the phone. Exchanged ideas for a future project I/we'd like to do together.
11.Just eaten a lamb steak with salad.
12.Gonna straighten my hair then get into bed to read. Another early night, for me. Need to re-establish energy and focus ready for another busy week.
http://www.missygee.com
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hooked-Survived-Prostitution-Londons-Nightlife/dp/1845966031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252794549&sr=1-1
Saturday, 15 January 2011
love, books.
This second book is killing me.
I need to get the damn thing finished. It's there. It's all there - I'm just, well, faffing.
I've run out of procrastination ideas - so now I've taken to just staring at my laptop and feeling anxiety.
Why do so many writers that I know spend so much time trying to avoid it?
Oh well...
Had the idea earlier that I want to move abroad.
Trying to run but i can't hide... too must thinking about working and not enough actual work.
maybe listen to this - it's good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTIs-TBwcbk
I need to get the damn thing finished. It's there. It's all there - I'm just, well, faffing.
I've run out of procrastination ideas - so now I've taken to just staring at my laptop and feeling anxiety.
Why do so many writers that I know spend so much time trying to avoid it?
Oh well...
Had the idea earlier that I want to move abroad.
Trying to run but i can't hide... too must thinking about working and not enough actual work.
maybe listen to this - it's good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTIs-TBwcbk
Monday, 10 January 2011
My first time...
What a month! not the best and certainly not the worst of my life. I've been through worse and survived. So, I'll keep this as brief as possible because I intend to start writing more frequently here again. Yep, you've heard that before.
OK, first - something you should know - i have an unspoken policy - when i break up from a relationship I avoid speaking about the person and what we shared after the event. Here I will mention it because it's very relevant to what's been happening with me recently. Besides the last post i wrote here was an angry 'fuck addiction' cos i feared for my stability and sobriety and after finding out that my boyfriend has started drinking and god knows what that freaked me out and threw me into a spin..
As I stand right now - I am not currently fearing for myself. In fact I am hopeful, very hopeful.
I'm on the mend now. the lurgy is going... It's going and when it's gone I'll be ready to really focus again on finishing my second book and trying to do this documentary thing I've been trying to do.
But sadly a realisation occurred to me: My relationship with Blue has been shattered into many many tiny fragments. It is gone forever and it can never be repeated in any of its parts. It can only be repeated in memory. We are living wholly different lives. We've gone in two totally different directions. I know it's over, I've known it for a while but the extremity to which its over is sad. But with this thought I had another: I've got a gut feeling that Blue is happy. I feel that the direction his life is going right now, for him feels exciting, new and interesting. And that is quite an exciting concept, if this is the case.
I have no idea what he's doing and it's absolutely none of my business. If someone told me they could tell me what's going on with him, now, I wouldn't choose to know - but what I do know is that through this relationship I have grown up a little and I've learned to love.
For the first time I have not been emotionally dependent on the man I'm with. With Blue I was the more 'developed' in terms of self-development and getting my life together, after the havoc of addiction.
For the first time I've been aware of loving someone unconditionally. For the first time I've been more sexually experimental and open with him than I have been with anyone before. He was my first partner to know that I was once a hooker, so I was not carrying secrets. This changed more than i initially realised. For the first time, I accept with respect for him that he must go on the journey he is choosing to go on, regardless of any possibly negative consequences for him. For the first time, I am not consumed with jealousy about him being with other women. I passed this quite a while ago, strangely. I am confident in what the two of us shared to know that he cannot, as I, cannot find the same thing 'just like that'.
For the second time in my life (the first was Alex, the guy in my book) I was lucky enough to experience an utterly compelling and magnetic physical connection with someone. Together we lived a new, exotic fire-ball of sexual energy which on the contrary to feeling sad that I've lost - I am quietly smug that we had that. And what is exhilarating is the knowledge that in spite of the physical connection, if that's there or not in the future - this will not be for the last time that I love as passionately as I did Blue.
I've got a strangely good feeling about what is to come in the next months. I feel more in control of my life than I have done, ever, i think. I'm choosing to not be with another man for now. Even for something casual - I don't want it. That makes me feel calm and in charge of my life. This is the first time where my life is for me and only me and that is a massive personal development.
This is the first time ever in my life that I'm living completely independently and I'm completely single. And you know something else?
This is the first time hat I wouldn't want it any other way.
For now.
A song for ya: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7dMGw3uzEU
OK, first - something you should know - i have an unspoken policy - when i break up from a relationship I avoid speaking about the person and what we shared after the event. Here I will mention it because it's very relevant to what's been happening with me recently. Besides the last post i wrote here was an angry 'fuck addiction' cos i feared for my stability and sobriety and after finding out that my boyfriend has started drinking and god knows what that freaked me out and threw me into a spin..
As I stand right now - I am not currently fearing for myself. In fact I am hopeful, very hopeful.
I'm on the mend now. the lurgy is going... It's going and when it's gone I'll be ready to really focus again on finishing my second book and trying to do this documentary thing I've been trying to do.
But sadly a realisation occurred to me: My relationship with Blue has been shattered into many many tiny fragments. It is gone forever and it can never be repeated in any of its parts. It can only be repeated in memory. We are living wholly different lives. We've gone in two totally different directions. I know it's over, I've known it for a while but the extremity to which its over is sad. But with this thought I had another: I've got a gut feeling that Blue is happy. I feel that the direction his life is going right now, for him feels exciting, new and interesting. And that is quite an exciting concept, if this is the case.
I have no idea what he's doing and it's absolutely none of my business. If someone told me they could tell me what's going on with him, now, I wouldn't choose to know - but what I do know is that through this relationship I have grown up a little and I've learned to love.
For the first time I have not been emotionally dependent on the man I'm with. With Blue I was the more 'developed' in terms of self-development and getting my life together, after the havoc of addiction.
For the first time I've been aware of loving someone unconditionally. For the first time I've been more sexually experimental and open with him than I have been with anyone before. He was my first partner to know that I was once a hooker, so I was not carrying secrets. This changed more than i initially realised. For the first time, I accept with respect for him that he must go on the journey he is choosing to go on, regardless of any possibly negative consequences for him. For the first time, I am not consumed with jealousy about him being with other women. I passed this quite a while ago, strangely. I am confident in what the two of us shared to know that he cannot, as I, cannot find the same thing 'just like that'.
For the second time in my life (the first was Alex, the guy in my book) I was lucky enough to experience an utterly compelling and magnetic physical connection with someone. Together we lived a new, exotic fire-ball of sexual energy which on the contrary to feeling sad that I've lost - I am quietly smug that we had that. And what is exhilarating is the knowledge that in spite of the physical connection, if that's there or not in the future - this will not be for the last time that I love as passionately as I did Blue.
I've got a strangely good feeling about what is to come in the next months. I feel more in control of my life than I have done, ever, i think. I'm choosing to not be with another man for now. Even for something casual - I don't want it. That makes me feel calm and in charge of my life. This is the first time where my life is for me and only me and that is a massive personal development.
This is the first time ever in my life that I'm living completely independently and I'm completely single. And you know something else?
This is the first time hat I wouldn't want it any other way.
For now.
A song for ya: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7dMGw3uzEU
Friday, 7 January 2011
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Fuck Addiction.
I was a hooker. Sue me. I was a coke whore. Sue me. I used to have a glass with vodka in it, up to my face more often than not. Sue me. For years I did these things. I used people - they used me. I lied, cried and talked shit more than I didn't. I'm none of those things any longer. BUT if I go back to escaping from myself - I know that the mental illness that has fucked me over for so many years will ensue - and I'm unlikely to survive.
My addiction demons lie dormant when I don't abuse myself. They are always there but they are quiet. Recently I haven't been dealing well with powerful emotions and this has awoken strong urges to escape my reality.
Blue, my lover, my friend has relapsed. He's also been lying, lying, lying and continually blaming, blaming, blaming me for the break down in our communication. He's a different man to the one I've known for the past 18months.
I have been so very sad and lost the past days and coming to terms with my inability to be close to him again is a blow. If I continue in the vein I've been in over the past days I will be back to sniffing coke, drinking and selling my arse to pay for it. And honestly? I won't survive it. I have an instinct which I came upon me very powerfully 6.5 years ago when i relapsed for 8 days, that if it ever happened again - I shall not make it.
I get very emotionally sick when I drink and use substances. I do reckless, harmful and erratic things which cause huge amounts of pain. For want of a better way of putting it: a type of madness grips me and I am not accessible to anyone. I become an empty shell. I lived like this for years.
I no longer do the things that cause my life to shatter. And despite the screaming in my head suggesting that I escape my current reality by using chemicals, and in spite of my inability to sleep I have been dragging myself back to NA meetings and reaching out for help. That's exactly what I need right now. Help.
The compulsion to hide from my acute feelings of loss and sadness and anger is upon me. If I am to be anything - right now I must fight; for my sanity and well being.
I am and have been many things in my life. Right now, I am a warrior.
And did I mention that I could scream and scream and scream ?? Well, i could. I could scream the whole fucking place down at this moment.
Here's Britney:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRNivfo-MvI&feature=channel
My addiction demons lie dormant when I don't abuse myself. They are always there but they are quiet. Recently I haven't been dealing well with powerful emotions and this has awoken strong urges to escape my reality.
Blue, my lover, my friend has relapsed. He's also been lying, lying, lying and continually blaming, blaming, blaming me for the break down in our communication. He's a different man to the one I've known for the past 18months.
I have been so very sad and lost the past days and coming to terms with my inability to be close to him again is a blow. If I continue in the vein I've been in over the past days I will be back to sniffing coke, drinking and selling my arse to pay for it. And honestly? I won't survive it. I have an instinct which I came upon me very powerfully 6.5 years ago when i relapsed for 8 days, that if it ever happened again - I shall not make it.
I get very emotionally sick when I drink and use substances. I do reckless, harmful and erratic things which cause huge amounts of pain. For want of a better way of putting it: a type of madness grips me and I am not accessible to anyone. I become an empty shell. I lived like this for years.
I no longer do the things that cause my life to shatter. And despite the screaming in my head suggesting that I escape my current reality by using chemicals, and in spite of my inability to sleep I have been dragging myself back to NA meetings and reaching out for help. That's exactly what I need right now. Help.
The compulsion to hide from my acute feelings of loss and sadness and anger is upon me. If I am to be anything - right now I must fight; for my sanity and well being.
I am and have been many things in my life. Right now, I am a warrior.
And did I mention that I could scream and scream and scream ?? Well, i could. I could scream the whole fucking place down at this moment.
Here's Britney:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRNivfo-MvI&feature=channel
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Christmas greetings!
Say: 'tis the season to be jolly, tra la la la laa, la la la laaaa'. Now say it again without singing it.
Sunday, 12 December 2010
Billie Holiday
'I'll say I'll move the mountains, and I'll move the mountains-- if he wants them out of the way ...'
Music like this give me hope as a human being.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mitLcbHHz8&feature=related
Music like this give me hope as a human being.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mitLcbHHz8&feature=related
Warrior Spirit.
"For people sometimes believed that it was safer to live with complaints, was necessary to cooperate with grief, was all right to become an accomplice in self-ambush...Take heart to flat out decide to be well and stride into the future sane and whole."
Toni Cade Bambara.
Toni Cade Bambara.
Addicted --
The future of music: love this, her voice, the style... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoVXvh52EXQ
Saturday, 11 December 2010
You want a dirty text ??
This is the text I just sent to a male friend who occasionally texts me. Recently he's started trying to get int my knickers and asking me to send him 'naughty' texts. Until today I've ignored him:
'I've gotta say this -- I know we have a laugh together and I also know you know about the content of my book - but please. I'm starting to feel that you're saying these things because of the book and I don't like that. If we were involved in something then I get that -- but since we're not, I'm kinda feeling that its a bit of a piss take. I like u as a friend but I don't send my friends photos or dirty messages. I'm 33 years old, not 17. And yeah, I've had a life but really if you really knew me and not just presume my friendliness means any more than that - then u wouldn't even send me texts like that. Look have a nice night tonight and find a woman who wants you to bang her who will send u rude messages. Its not me. Even for a laugh, I don't do that stuff.'
This is what I would have text if I hadn't been trying to be kind and diplomatic:
'I think you're a cheeker fucker for, 1. Suggesting I send you dirty texts since I've never once ever implied that I find you even remotely attractive.
2. Did you realistically expect me to find you attractive? I know its not all about looks -- but please, come on. Get off your deluded horse and don't insult me by thinking that your personality is so magnificent that you could persuade me into your bed with this alone.
You have got to be joking. And even if you'd turned up to bang me for money all those years ago.. Truthfully? I'd have sent you packing. Get a grip and stop hassling me with your stupidness. Goddit.'
'I've gotta say this -- I know we have a laugh together and I also know you know about the content of my book - but please. I'm starting to feel that you're saying these things because of the book and I don't like that. If we were involved in something then I get that -- but since we're not, I'm kinda feeling that its a bit of a piss take. I like u as a friend but I don't send my friends photos or dirty messages. I'm 33 years old, not 17. And yeah, I've had a life but really if you really knew me and not just presume my friendliness means any more than that - then u wouldn't even send me texts like that. Look have a nice night tonight and find a woman who wants you to bang her who will send u rude messages. Its not me. Even for a laugh, I don't do that stuff.'
This is what I would have text if I hadn't been trying to be kind and diplomatic:
'I think you're a cheeker fucker for, 1. Suggesting I send you dirty texts since I've never once ever implied that I find you even remotely attractive.
2. Did you realistically expect me to find you attractive? I know its not all about looks -- but please, come on. Get off your deluded horse and don't insult me by thinking that your personality is so magnificent that you could persuade me into your bed with this alone.
You have got to be joking. And even if you'd turned up to bang me for money all those years ago.. Truthfully? I'd have sent you packing. Get a grip and stop hassling me with your stupidness. Goddit.'
Thursday, 9 December 2010
Shit faced & Shit out of luck.
A friend just sent me this e-mail
What is the most functional word in the English language? Well, it's shit........That's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in theEnglish language.
Consider this:
You can be shit faced,
Shit out of luck,
Or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit together,
Find a place for your shit
Or decide to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit,
Buy shit,
sell shit,
Lose shit,
find shit,
Forget shit,
And tell others to eat shit and die.
Some people know their shit,
While others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, Dumb shits, Crazy shits,And sweet shits.
There is bull shit,Horse shit And chicken shit.
You can throw shit, Sling shit,Catch shit,Shoot the shit,Or duck when shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit
Or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit
Or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit,
Some days are hotter than shit,
And some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit,
Things can look like shit,
And there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit,
Not enough shit,
The right shit,The wrong shit,Or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit,
Have a mountain of shit,
Or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
ometimes everything you touch turns to shit, and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts,It's the basic building block of creation.
And remember, once you know your shit,You don't need to know anything else!
You could pass this along, if you give a shit!
What is the most functional word in the English language? Well, it's shit........That's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in theEnglish language.
Consider this:
You can be shit faced,
Shit out of luck,
Or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit together,
Find a place for your shit
Or decide to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit,
Buy shit,
sell shit,
Lose shit,
find shit,
Forget shit,
And tell others to eat shit and die.
Some people know their shit,
While others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, Dumb shits, Crazy shits,And sweet shits.
There is bull shit,Horse shit And chicken shit.
You can throw shit, Sling shit,Catch shit,Shoot the shit,Or duck when shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit
Or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit
Or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit,
Some days are hotter than shit,
And some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit,
Things can look like shit,
And there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit,
Not enough shit,
The right shit,The wrong shit,Or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit,
Have a mountain of shit,
Or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
ometimes everything you touch turns to shit, and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts,It's the basic building block of creation.
And remember, once you know your shit,You don't need to know anything else!
You could pass this along, if you give a shit!
Monday, 6 December 2010
Me, talking about rehab with the head of WCS.
Me, and the head of my rehab talking about the process:
(COPY AND PASTE)
http://www.inexcess.tv/?p=10320
(COPY AND PASTE)
http://www.inexcess.tv/?p=10320
Sunday, 5 December 2010
A Caged Bird.
You can keep a bird in a cage, sometimes even let it fly around a room with the window open and it will stay.
It has got so used to you pushing it back into its prison that it waits passively until you see fit to stuff it away again.
One day, as usual, you let it out of its cage and it flies towards the open window and straight outside. It bolts up towards the blue sky, fresh air and light.
It doesn't look back at you. Why? It is no longer afraid of what is outside.It tried to be a good bird while you kept it enslaved.
She sang songs and talked robotically on demand.
She kept herself pruned and clean and pretty and did everything just so you'd like her, yet you still didn't show her the love you knew such a vibrant creature would need in order for her to want to stay with you.
Your faithful pet had been questioning your motives as her owner and wondering why you wished to keep her shackled by your rigid laws. One day, and for no clear reason why it should be on that particular day, she escapes.
The cool breeze immerses your once faithful bird's lungs, and she will smile to herself as a huge sense of elation consumes her when she realises that she is free.
Gosh, it's been a while since I last wrote. I'm shorry... been a busy scatty lost elf of later. Can feel the power coming back though. It's coming and coming and I'm ready to embrace it...I'm focused once again and I've been working hard on my future.
I've haven't felt as at peace with myself for quite some time as I have over the past week. Blue and I finished, and for once, I finished it.
I did because after nearly 18 months It's only NOW that I've waved the white flag and my tolerance for being treated 3rd rate has ended. I'm not feeling much about it. I'm just enjoying the lack of stress. He was so controlling in the end that he left me with literally no place to move except backwards, away from him and forwards towards myself.
It has got so used to you pushing it back into its prison that it waits passively until you see fit to stuff it away again.
One day, as usual, you let it out of its cage and it flies towards the open window and straight outside. It bolts up towards the blue sky, fresh air and light.
It doesn't look back at you. Why? It is no longer afraid of what is outside.It tried to be a good bird while you kept it enslaved.
She sang songs and talked robotically on demand.
She kept herself pruned and clean and pretty and did everything just so you'd like her, yet you still didn't show her the love you knew such a vibrant creature would need in order for her to want to stay with you.
Your faithful pet had been questioning your motives as her owner and wondering why you wished to keep her shackled by your rigid laws. One day, and for no clear reason why it should be on that particular day, she escapes.
The cool breeze immerses your once faithful bird's lungs, and she will smile to herself as a huge sense of elation consumes her when she realises that she is free.
Gosh, it's been a while since I last wrote. I'm shorry... been a busy scatty lost elf of later. Can feel the power coming back though. It's coming and coming and I'm ready to embrace it...I'm focused once again and I've been working hard on my future.
I've haven't felt as at peace with myself for quite some time as I have over the past week. Blue and I finished, and for once, I finished it.
I did because after nearly 18 months It's only NOW that I've waved the white flag and my tolerance for being treated 3rd rate has ended. I'm not feeling much about it. I'm just enjoying the lack of stress. He was so controlling in the end that he left me with literally no place to move except backwards, away from him and forwards towards myself.
Friday, 26 November 2010
Sunday, 21 November 2010
Real Time ... right here, right now ...
I'm sitting on a hotel balcony in the middle of Nairobi, alone. I've left B, my friend with whom I stayeed in Lamu. We waved, and hollered as a boat took me to another tiny island on the archapelego ( don't you just love that word? i knew you would!) where i got an internal flight, here, this afternoon. I have to stay in a hotel over night cos otherwise i wouldn't have managed to get a connection tmrw morning, back to London. Not sure that's such a bad thing...
I'm not sure if I should feel a tad odd. The hotel is clean and busy, but I cant help but feel it is something straight from a 1950s film which would have starred The Great Humphrey Bogart, had he done a 'straight-to video- film, had they had videos then, and had he ever bothereed to come to 'the dark continent'.
It's actually not too bad at all.
Opposite me there is a large sign, 'Lifestyle Lounge'. Fab. I wonder if they can help me out with my woes about returning to London? Thankfully it's closed, otherwise I could have been crying into my flat pillow, on my single bed tonight after they told me that there's no hope.
I'm fearful about England's afternoons of darkness, my solitary confinement, which I guess is pretty must self-imposed, due to lazytoeragitus, and I'm concerned about 'stuff'.
The 'stuff' that's bothering me is related to my ex-lover, ex-life partner, ex-- well, just my ex. But I won't go into any of that. I don't actually know what to say on the matter. Even if you offered me a tenner I wouldn't have anything to say... but if you upped the stakes to a tenner and a packet of British Marlboro Lites, (i'm sounding like i should be in Benidorm and not Kenya,, there sorry) then we could come to some sort of arrangement. I'd spill the beans with that offer... I'm sure I could think of a thing or 50 to say on the matter, then.
I have mixed feelings many of which I cannot decipher. And so, amigos i shall stay schtum.
Using my laptop outside in the warm breeze of Africa, while smoking dodgy foreign cigarettes and drinking a tonic water, is me living my dream. I came here to write. And I have written, as well as snoozed - oh, and I got me a tan. You'd be envious, I'm telling ya! You'd tolerate this hotel for one night in exchange for the hue my skin's got right now.
I'm sitting waiting for a flight which will take me on my next lap of life. No idea what will come - who ever does, though, eh? Good things I reckon. Even if they're bad, I'll get something good from it. I will. No, I will, really, I will..!!
However, you really should see my room. This is cheapsakes-R-US. And if the truth be told I may as well be sitting here waiting for the last train to Palookaville.
.
I'm not sure if I should feel a tad odd. The hotel is clean and busy, but I cant help but feel it is something straight from a 1950s film which would have starred The Great Humphrey Bogart, had he done a 'straight-to video- film, had they had videos then, and had he ever bothereed to come to 'the dark continent'.
It's actually not too bad at all.
Opposite me there is a large sign, 'Lifestyle Lounge'. Fab. I wonder if they can help me out with my woes about returning to London? Thankfully it's closed, otherwise I could have been crying into my flat pillow, on my single bed tonight after they told me that there's no hope.
I'm fearful about England's afternoons of darkness, my solitary confinement, which I guess is pretty must self-imposed, due to lazytoeragitus, and I'm concerned about 'stuff'.
The 'stuff' that's bothering me is related to my ex-lover, ex-life partner, ex-- well, just my ex. But I won't go into any of that. I don't actually know what to say on the matter. Even if you offered me a tenner I wouldn't have anything to say... but if you upped the stakes to a tenner and a packet of British Marlboro Lites, (i'm sounding like i should be in Benidorm and not Kenya,, there sorry) then we could come to some sort of arrangement. I'd spill the beans with that offer... I'm sure I could think of a thing or 50 to say on the matter, then.
I have mixed feelings many of which I cannot decipher. And so, amigos i shall stay schtum.
Using my laptop outside in the warm breeze of Africa, while smoking dodgy foreign cigarettes and drinking a tonic water, is me living my dream. I came here to write. And I have written, as well as snoozed - oh, and I got me a tan. You'd be envious, I'm telling ya! You'd tolerate this hotel for one night in exchange for the hue my skin's got right now.
I'm sitting waiting for a flight which will take me on my next lap of life. No idea what will come - who ever does, though, eh? Good things I reckon. Even if they're bad, I'll get something good from it. I will. No, I will, really, I will..!!
However, you really should see my room. This is cheapsakes-R-US. And if the truth be told I may as well be sitting here waiting for the last train to Palookaville.
.
Remember how we were so in love?
If you listen to the words to the link below -- you'll see that you've been here before. Probably more than once,if you're lucky, or not, depending on how you hear the words...
He sings:'Hold onto the momen, Love... remember how we were so in love? just hold onto that moment, love ...'
Bitter sweet.
Patronising arse.
Hear it here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZiBF4kR...RvI
Right now I'm in a Nairobi hotel, alone, waiting for tmrw's morning flight back to London. Can't wait.
yeah right.
Back to dark afternoons, cold weather, loneliness and work, work, work...
life's good.
He sings:'Hold onto the momen, Love... remember how we were so in love? just hold onto that moment, love ...'
Bitter sweet.
Patronising arse.
Hear it here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZiBF4kR...RvI
Right now I'm in a Nairobi hotel, alone, waiting for tmrw's morning flight back to London. Can't wait.
yeah right.
Back to dark afternoons, cold weather, loneliness and work, work, work...
life's good.
Thursday, 18 November 2010
Sweet Musique!
You'd be doing yourself a disservice by not listening to this. Who cannot love the line: 'All I need is a little time, To get behind this sun and cast my weight.'
ViVa life!
I'm outside on a white day bed with the stars above me listing to this, alone. My friend B has gone out for dinner and I'm well, loving being alive right now!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0BRhBft-Xc
All I need is a little time;
To get behind this sun and cast my weight,
All I need is a peace of this mind:
Then I can celebrate.
All in all there's something to give,
All in all there's something to do,
All in all there's something to live,
With you ...
All I need is a little sign,
To get behind this sun and cast this weight of mine,
All I need is the place to find,
And there I'll celebrate.
All in all there's something to give,
All in all there's something to do,
All in all there's something to live,
With you ...
ViVa life!
I'm outside on a white day bed with the stars above me listing to this, alone. My friend B has gone out for dinner and I'm well, loving being alive right now!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0BRhBft-Xc
All I need is a little time;
To get behind this sun and cast my weight,
All I need is a peace of this mind:
Then I can celebrate.
All in all there's something to give,
All in all there's something to do,
All in all there's something to live,
With you ...
All I need is a little sign,
To get behind this sun and cast this weight of mine,
All I need is the place to find,
And there I'll celebrate.
All in all there's something to give,
All in all there's something to do,
All in all there's something to live,
With you ...
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